Two Hours Of Guff, Script 3, The Conversation About Female TV Presenters

{Warning, this script contains strong language and adult humor}

Sam} Oh bloody hell, this is bloody rubbish. Why is that old bat on the telly again ?.

Daniel} What do you mean, she’s always on the telly. It’s her show. She’s the presenter of her own show, that’s what it is .

Sam} What ?, it’s her show ?, she shouldn’t even be allowed to have her own show .

Daniel} Why isn’t she allowed to have her own show ?.

Sam} Well, didn’t you hear about what she did ?. When it happened, it was all over the news .

Daniel} What happened ?.

Sam} Well, first of all, she’s a parasite and second of all, she cheated on her ex husband and third of all, she leaked all this fake bullshit in the press .

Daniel} What ?, no no no no, I think you might be misunderstood .

Sam} Yeah I am misunderstood, cause you’re not bloody listening to me .

Daniel} No, I don’t think you really understand . Um, you see. The person you’re talking about is not Beatrice Lane, you’re talking about Camillia Bauman Ella. It’s not Beatrice Lane, she didn’t do shit, that woman . Camilla Bauman Ella is the shady one. It’s obvious, isn’t it ?. She’s proved it time and time again .

Sam} Nah, who the fuck is Camilla Bauman Ella ?, who’s that ?.

Daniel} That’s who you’re talking about, isn’t it ?.

Sam} No, I don’t know who Camilla Bat man Gellar is. I’m talking about Beatrice Lane. Camilla Bat Man Gellar, Beatrice Lane, big difference .

Timothy} No but it’s not though. Beatrice Lane didn’t get in a scrap with a dust bin man .

Charlie} Who says so ?. God, you guys are mad. Go and get a bloody job, instead of talking about Camilla Bat man Gellar, honestly, you’re driving me insane .

Sam} That doesn’t matter. All I know is that Beatrice Lane cheated on her ex husband, she tried to boot a local dust bin man up into space, but she failed. Instead of sending him to space, he flew up and hit a bird’s nest in a tree. Didn’t face charges . Above all that, she’s offensive, she’s a racist. I don’t care what you say, she’s silly . She talk so much shit, man .

Charlie} Oh my god, stop it with this bullshit. She didn’t do anything. Camilla, on the other hand, she did . She keeps exposing her terrible personality the more she’s on TV. Talking about bloody cheese .

Sam} It’s not Camilla, it’s Beatrice .

Daniel} Oh my bloody god . { He face palms}

{A few minutes later}

Sam} Yeah. You know what ?, I think she might be my auntie. There’s a chance, you know ?. Her eyes are very similiar to my auntie’s . But instead, they’re blue. My auntie’s eyes are hazel brown. Hah, who cares, honestly .

Sam} Hey Timothy, do you think she looks like my auntie ?.

Timothy} I dunno, I’ve never met her .

Sam} Oh come on, Tim, just tell me what you think. I’m not gonna punch you, I promise . Just tell me, does she look like my auntie, yes or no ?.

Timothy} Well, eternally, yeah she does .

Sam} How dare you say that about my auntie ?, you parasite . { He punches him}

End of script