Two Hours Of Guff, Script 2, The Sofa

{Warning, contains strong language and adult humor}

Charlie} Why is the sofa right down there ?.

Daniel} The sofa’s always there, what do you mean ?.

Charlie} No it’s not always there. Usually, it’s right in the middle, now it’s like right in the corner of the bloody room. Now, how on earth did that happen ?.

Timothy} I dunno, I guess it just moved.

Charlie} Hah right, hallelujah, it just moved. At least that’s one thing we know. I put it right there before I went to bed, then, this morning, I walk in the room, and it’s bloody all the way down there. Hah, it’s bloody magic. I thought I’ve seen it all. It’s like bloody witch craft .

Sam} What is this, Witch craft ?.

Timothy} No sam, it’s not witch craft, alright . It’s a bloody sofa. It’s got nothing to do with witch craft .

Sam} Well, yes it is, cause it moved all by itself. You can’t tell me it’s not witch craft, cause it is . There’s no doubt about it. Witch craft .

Timothy} Nah man, you’re well off. You probably just moved it, then you just forgot about it . It happens sometimes .

Charlie} Oh yeah, sure, sure, sure I did.

{A few minutes later}

Charlie} Yeah, it’s kind of mad though, isn’t it ?. You see, the thing is, yeah ?, is that it was there a while ago, right in the center of the sitting room and now it’s here, it’s here now. What ?, nah man, it can’t be real. I live in a three bed room house with three wizzards . Who knew ?. Yeah, I just cannot believe it. How did it get there though ?, that’s what I wanna know. It’s bloody mad .

Charlie} Oi Timothy, how do you think it got there ?.

Timothy} Uh, I dunno, really .

Charlie} Go on, Tim, give us an answer .

Timothy} I don’t know, Charlie, I don’t know how it got there . It moved, alright ?. I don’t know how it got there or why it’s there, it’s just there. Okay ?, does that answer your question ?.

Charlie} No it doesn’t . It doesn’t make any bloody sense. A sofa can’t move all by itself . It might as well have legs .

Daniel} Oh my god, can we just stop talking about sofas. You’re doing my head in. Just talk about something else .

Charlie} Daniel, why don’t you like sofas ?.

Daniel} I do not not like sofas, alright ?.

Charlie} Oh, is that so ?, because to me, it seems like you’ve got a serious problem with sofas .

Daniel} Look, you better shut up, otherwise you’re gonna be in that sofa .

Charlie} Ohh, well that’s nice, isn’t it ?. Bloody hell .

{A few minutes later}

Charlie} Wow, you know that sofa is something else, you know ?. How did it even get there in the first place ?.

Daniel} Okay, you know what ?, that’s it, I’m demolishing the sofa, where’s the axe ?. { He gets up} { Then he finds the axe}

Sam} Woah, where did the axe come from ?.

Timothy} He found it under the, the thing . { He points at the sofa}

Daniel} I swear to god, if you say sofa one more time, I’m gonna lose my shit .

Timothy} It is called sofa though, that’s what it is. You’re not gonna call it toilet, are you ?.

{Daniel demolishes the sofa}

Sam} What the bloody hell ?.

Daniel} There, that should do it .

Sam} Great, now you’ve demolished the sofa, you pillock .

Charlie} Where am I gonna sit now ?.

Daniel} You can sit on the floor. You’re welcome .

Charlie} Ah, bloody hell .

End of script