The New Cat Script

Joe} Hey .

Hayley} Hi .

Joe} What are you up to ?.

Hayley} Nothing really, you ?.

Joe} Yeah nothing .

Cat meows}

Joe leans against the wall }

Joe} You didn’t .

Hayley} Yeah .

Joe} No, say you didn’t .

Hayley} I did, why don’t you want me to say yes ?.

Joe} You don’t understand , you can’t have a cat here .

Hayley} Why , you like them don’t you ?.

Joe} No, when did I say that I liked them ?.

Hayley} Wait, so how come you never get scared when you see them in the streets ?.

Joe} So that , people won’t assume that I’m an idiot , or perhaps , running like a hairless chicken when I see something with 2 eyes .

Hayley} You are very stupid, you know that ?.

Joe} No, because of a cat maybe .

Hayley} Well, what do you want me to do ?, what will stop you from acting like this ?.

Joe} Let’s see, maybe you can put it outside .

Hayley} But I can’t, it’s like my new best friend now .

Joe} Come on, you can’t have a cat as your best friend, they don’t even live long .

Hayley} Whatever, I am keeping it and that’s all there is to it , if you are scared that it’ll shit in your cupboard , then I am not bothered .

Joe} Alright fine .

{ 5 minutes later }

 

Joe} Ahhhhhhhhh, the bloody parasite , just done a shit in my cupboard , can’t believe it .

Hayley} Oh really ?.

Joe} Yeah .

Hayley} Well maybe, it is a sign that the cat likes you .

Joe} Oh bloody hell, you are also clueless , finding shit in your cupboard isn’t good luck .

Hayley} Yeah but it is though, I read it in a book .

Joe} When do you ever read books ?.

Hayley} I do read books .

Joe} Yeah, probably the book of hell .

Hayley} Look, I don’t care that you hate cats , it’s not my fault that you are like this .

Joe} And it is not my fault that you brang the cat in .

Hayley} What’s with you and your pet peeve for cats ?.

Joe} It’s not that I don’t like them , it’s just{ Then he shrugs his shoulders }

{ Hayley stares at Joe, waiting for him to say something }

Joe} It was an attack, ok .

Hayley} I know but, tell me the whole life story behind it .

Joe} Well, there was this one time , when I was at my mum’s house , and I was drawing a picture , when I suddenly saw a black furry thing , I touched it because I thought that it was a bird, but then I realized that birds aren’t normally that size , It turned out to be a cat , his eyes were staring into my soul , then I shit myself .

Joe} The End .

{ Hayley, making a face like she was shocked but laughing at the same time }

Hayley} Wow, that was a long story .

Joe} Yeah, so never put a cat near me again .

Hayley} Yeah, I kind of want to bring that story back to life .

Joe} What ?.

Hayley} I’m getting it .

Joe} What ?, No .

Hayley} Say hello to the cat .

Joe} Ahh, get that thing away from me , what the hell do you think you are bloody doing ?.

{ Joe runs and shuts the door behind him }

Joe} Thank god, it’s gone .

{ The cat damages a bit of the door , then Hayley pushes it through }

Hayley} Here’s Johnny !!!!!!!!!!!! .

Joe} Oh no, it’s not gone yet , ahhhhhhhh .

Joe[ runs past Hayley with his belongings }

Hayley} Hey, where the hell do you think you’re going ?.

Joe} I am just gonna go out and stay outside for a while .

Hayley} And why are you doing that ?.

Joe} Because, I can’t stay in that house, with that parasite , rummaging around .

Hayley} He’s not in the room anymore .

Joe} I don’t give a shit . You only keep one thing, and that to you is the cat , I’m going to get some fresh air in a park , It’s a bloody shamble .

Hayley} Well, goodbye then .

End of script