The Kids On The East Side Of Town, Chapter 12, Eagles Never Die

Warning, contains strong language and adult humor} { Even though this one isn’t really funny} { Maybe grab some tissues as well, Enjoy}

It was 10 pm at night in Hackney 1991 and we were mourning the loss of a good friend, Johnny Branson. I was crying myself a river. I never got a chance to hug and talk to Johnny before the accident, although I wish I did . It was quite sudden and very unexpected . He sent me a voice mail at 9 pm on Tuesday, saying that he wants to go and see a sunset with me and he was so excited, but then I look down at his corpse, and it just broke my heart, he was absolutely lifeless . Me, Travis and Emmett stayed in the hospital until the very end. Kevin, Dominick and Jamie went back home, they had to get an early start . Emmett was really devestated, he was always there for Johnny, and now that he’s gone, Emmett was completely lost . He was so upset, that he stormed out of the hospital. Some John walked up to him, he was a mincing fucking cunt. Keep your nose out of his business, you twat .

” Oi, you’re not allowed in here, sunshine, get out ”, the person said, as he walked up to him, Emmett pulled out his gun and he pulled the trigger, luckily, the gun wasn’t loaded, cause I saw him take out the bullets, this morning but he pointed it at the geezer’s head, and he started getting agressive . You don’t wanna see Emmett when he’s agressive. He’d be sure to kill you without even doing much, he could look you in the eye and within five seconds, you’re on the floor, dead. Yep, that’s Emmett, that’s my best mate, not yours, straight .

” I’m allowed in here whenever I want, who are you to say, you Delveesh, you know who I am ?, you know who I am ?, I’m Starsky ”, Emmett said and he pulled the trigger once again .

” Oh alright, alright Starsky ”, the man said as he was nodding, he was shitting it . ” What language do you speak ?, you don’t know what you’re on about, one bit ”, the man said .

” I speak nothing but the fucking English language, my son, that’s the language that I grew up with, and if that’s infamous, then hahaha, tough shit ”, Emmett said .

” Look, do I have to spell it out, get out of my hospital, alright ?, I’m going mad in here ”, the man said .

” You’re a boring cunt, are you ?, you’re a real boring fuck, oh wait no, I know that you don’t like swearing, well I can fix that, you’re a boring F F star star cunt ”, Emmett said .

” That is bloody awful, who even are you, who are you, bloody terror ”, the man said .

” Get out of here before I blow your fucking head off, you cunt, get the fuck out of here, you cuntified tart ”, Emmett threatened him.

” Arghhhh, fucking hell ”, some random man said as he held his arms out in this air .

as he followed him out of the hospital. ” Why do you bother helping people, huh ?, it doesn’t do any good ”, Emmett shouted . Back at the house. Travis opened the door and told the gang the news . The way he came in, it generally made me worried. I could tell that something was up . But what though ?, see, that’s the thing . You don’t know until someone tell you, the truth may hurt, but the lie hurts even more . Jamie was desperate to know what happened .

” What happened, Travis ?”, Jamie asked as he got up from the sofa very quickly .

” I don’t know, man, Emmett has disappeared, he’s gone, man ”, Travis replied .

” What, where, where is he ?”, Jamie asked .

” He’s gone, he couldn’t help it, he looks like he’s gonna blow. I don’t know, man, all I know, is that he ain’t coming back ”, Travis said and he leaned against the wall and started crying .

” Hey man, where he’s gotten off to, he is coming back. Of course he’s coming back, you know what he’s like, he’ll go round the corner, have a quick jog and then he’ll come knocking on the door, and here he is . He’ll be back. He can’t just run away like that ”, Jamie said .

” Nah, he ain’t coming back, man, he’s gone . Oh my god, what have I done ?, what have I done ?, I’ve fucked it up ”, Travis said .

” You haven’t done anything, Travis, do you understand ?, he just ran off, this has nothing to do with you ”, Jamie told him .

” No, no, I did do something, and I know that he ain’t coming home. Oh god, I can’t do this, man ”, Travis said and he collapsed onto the floor and started freaking out .

” Oh Travis, oh shit, what happened, man ?”, Jamie said .

” Ahhhhh, ehhhhh, I feel like I’m gonna fucking be sick. ” Oh shit, man, look at my pants, I fucking pissed me pants ”, Travis said .

” Bloody hell, Travis, what on earth ”, Kevin said .

” Hey Travis, alright man, go on, man, it’s alright, he’s alright, come on, Travis, get your breath back, that’s it, nice one ”, Jamie said, and he tried to pick up Travis and put him on the chair . ” Ahh, fucking Recoco legs . ” Oi Dominick, give us a hand, will ya ?, help me pick him up ”, Jamie said .

” What the bloody hell is going on ?”, Dominick asked as he walked in .

” Travis has fallen down, help me out here, will you ?”, Jamie said .

” Are you fucking taking the piss ?”, Dominick said .

” Stand up before I do you in, you fucking wanker, help me lift him up, he bloody weighs a ton ”, Jamie said . ” Alright Travis, it’s alright, we’re here now, it’s okay, come on, man, get up, that’s it ”, Jamie said .

” What are you doing, exactly ?, you have no idea what you’re all bloody doing, this is bloody chaos ”, I said .

” This is good, this is what everyone does when someone is under stress. You do this when someone’s pissed off ”, Jamie said .

” I think he needs some fresh air, we’ve been in here for too long, he needs to get out for a bit ”, he said as he got up and started making his way to the door .

” I think we all need some fresh air, fucking hell ” Dominick said .

” Where are you fucking going ?”, I asked .

” I’m taking him out for fresh air, innit, we’re all going mad in here ”, Jamie replied .

” Yes, but what about this though, Kevin’s gonna go fucking awol in here ”, I said .

” Nah man, fuck that, gov ”, Jamie said and he left .

” Bloody bastard. Oh well, looks like it’s just you and me, Kevin ”, I said .

” Oh bloody hell ”, Kevin said as he face palmed .

Emmett was at a petrol station, fiddling around with some Charlie and weed. He was too heartbroken to hold any of it . His hands were very shaky and it was very hard for him to get it under control . He ripped up one of the bags and it all shrivelled around, and the plastic bits all fell on the floor . The clerk spotted him doing it, and he interfeared with the situation. He shouldn’t have, I’m just saying . Maybe it’s because I just hate people, I don’t know . You just have to make sure that you’re not getting beaten up by a demented, deranged 18 year old . If you don’t, you’ll always be okay in life . Just keep that distance .

” You’re gonna have to clean that up, you get that all over my floor, just cleaned it, this morning. The cleaner, popped in, this morning, Stella, I think her name was. She made it spick and span, not a bit of dust in sight . It’s all going fine until a geezer like you comes along and you’re making everyone’s lives utter miserable. You’re making it harder for the staff who work here. You know what, why don’t you just get out, you’re not wecome here, just get your ass out of my petrol station, you working class menace ”, the clerk said .

That didn’t make Emmett too happy . He just looked like he was gonna kill the geezer . But if Emmett’s always nice to you, then clearly, you’re doing something wrong . Emmett is very troubled, not many people will understand his problems. They’ll let him figure it out himself. It’s a cruel world out there. They’re not associated with him, it’s almost like he’s a shadow. It’s almost like they don’t know what kind of person he is . I’ve known him for a years now, and from what I’ve seen, he’s a lovely geezer, he’s a bit of a loose cannon, he’s a bit mad but he’s great, he is . If only people understood him and listened to whatever it is that he has to say, then we wouldn’t be in this mess, if he got help, he wouldn’t be putting himself in great danger . He wouldn’t be afraid of getting killed every time he goes out . And he would be happy, he would have a future ahead of him, he would just be a normal geezer . All the things that could have been, if he got some help . But we can’t even do that so how are we gonna do anything else . I fear the worst for Emmett, I really do . He’s heading down a very dangerous path. I fear it may cost him everything .

Emmett started getting really aggressive . Emmett walked up to him and he pointed his gun directly at the clerk’s head . You could see the hatred in his eyes. He looked like he was gonna explode . Through the eyes of a very compassionate soul . If I was there, I would have stopped him just in time . But instead, I was at home, watching Kevin sleep, cause he looked like he was gonna go mad . I was on suicide watch throughout the whole night . I could have been at the petrol station, if I only I knew where he was at the time. Shit was about to go down. Someone was about to get killed .

” Give me the money, give me the money, give me the money or I’ll blow your fucking head off ”, Emmett shouted .

” Please don’t shoot, put the gun down, let go of the gun, that’s it, that’s a good chap . Look, just take it, take all over it, here you go ”, the clerk said and he gave him the bag of cash . Emmett was clicking his fingers, he was getting really impatient .

” Yeah, there you go, that’s it, that’s a good boy, there you go, hand it over, you commie bastard !!! ”, Emmett shouted, as he clicked his fingers whilst pointing his revolver at the clerk. The clerk was scared for his life, he thought he was gonna go, at some point . He probably thought that he wouldn’t get shot. Knowing Emmett, he would definetely do something like that, so I’m not surprised at all . He’s been inside hundreds of times, he wouldn’t hesitate if he did end up going back in there, the way how it’s going now. I wouldn’t be surprised if I see him behind bars in Wormwood Scrubs, not even in the slightest . He’s been there too many times . The clerk gave him the bag of cash and Emmett ran out of the petrol station. The clerik fired two gunshots on the way out . He went to go and sit on a bench . He started talking to himself .

” Why, why did it have to be Johnny, why couldn’t it have been Jacob or one of those other geezers, those pieces of shit, oh just you wait until I get my hands on them, por, I’m gonna fuck them, I couldn’t give a monkees . ” Oh Johnny, why did it have to be you, man, where did you go ?, you bastard ”, Emmett said and he started humming to himself as he lied on the bench, whilst he was in destress . A few minutes later, he got up and he ran off . Meanwhile, Travis was with Jamie and Dominick. Travis was in some kind of a trance . He didn’t know where he was . Jamie was losing his mind whilst he was trying to help Travis . There were standing on some balcony on a very random building .

” Oh, why did it have to be the fucking balcony, why the fuck did we go here. What are you, out of your mind ?. ” What were you doing in a fucking alleyway ?”, Dominick said .

” Oh, leave it out, Dom, I’m trying to help him, okay ?, I’m trying to make things right”, Jamie said .

” What, up here ?, are you taking the piss ?. It’s like, yeah, we’ll go on a balcony and take in the scenic view of the world in front of us ”, Dominick said . ” You know what it comes down to, Jack shit ”, Dominick said .

” Where the bloody hell are we ?. Is this heaven or hell ?”, Travis asked, as he woke up .

” Travis, you cunt. Don’t do that again, I thought that you got possessed or something ”, Jamie said .

” You’re dicked in the knob ”, Travis said .

” Ok. How are we gonna get down from here, this fucking place looks like Kernal Gadaffi’s palace in the multi verse ”, Dominick said .

” Oh for god sake, I totally forgot that you could get down as well, I thought you could only climb up a building, Silly billy ”, Jamie said .

” Are you having a Turkish ?, fucking hell, help me, please help me ”, Dominick said . I have no idea what they were up to. They told me that they were gonna go and get some fresh air . That’s obviously not what it was . When they come home, I’m gonna kill them. They left me with Kevin, and now he’s off his rocker . Emmett was running and he enters a phone box. He dials the numbers and he calls us .

” Come on, come on, come on, answer the phone, answer the phone, pick up the phone, you bastards ”, Emmett said . Dominick answered the phone. Him and Jamie finally made it back home from their Travis possesion balcony hell. Dominick could hear Emmett’s voice at the other end of the telephone line .

” Hello Emmett, is that you ?”, Dominick asked .

” Yeah, alright man, ok, so hear me out, um, it’s a little bit crazy out here, I’m in deep shit right now . I want you lot to make your way down here, man, the police cars are out here, they’re after me, I don’t know what to do, man, I see five police cars out here, they’re all there for me, I think this is the end, man ”, Emmett said, as he was running out of breath. You could hear the fear and pain in his voice .

” Okay, just stay where you are, don’t move, Emmett, stay put ”, Dominick said .

” Hey Dominick, can I speak to Jamie for a sec ?”, Emmett asked .

” Yeah man, of course you can, hold on . ” Oi Jamie, yeah, it’s Emmett, he wants to talk to you, man ”, Dominick shouted . He gave Jamie the house phone and he started talking .

” Yes Emmett, what’s going on, man, you alright, yeah ?”, Jamie asked .

” Hey, look man, you gotta help me out here, the police found me, they’re on the look out, I don’t know what to do, there’s 10 now, oh god, oh my god, ok look, just come and meet me in the park, alright ?”, Emmett said .

” Ok, we’ll see you in a bit, see ya ”, Jamie said .

” Bye man, bye bye bye ”, Emmett said . ” Arghh, shit shit shit shit ”, Emmett said under his breath and he put the phone down and he ran out of the phone box very quickly . Jamie put down the phone and told us what was going on .

” It’s Emmett, the police are after him, we’ve gotta hide him . He’s in trouble, man, whatever it is, he’s in trouble ”, Jamie said . Emmett was on the run . He stopped in the corner of Clissold park. He let the police catch him .

There were about ten police cars outside . About ten police cars for one person, one 18 year old, who very likely, made a mistake . It’s a shambles . I know it’s the system but fuck the system, it’s a bloody disgrace . I can’t express my anger for this matter, it’s absolutely fucking disgraceful . Emmett wasn’t trying to harm anyone, maybe except for threatening someone but apart from that, he didn’t even do anything . He doesn’t deserve this at all . Emmett stood in the dark shadows and he pointed this gun at the police men . You could see him under the street light, and from that moment in time, I thought ” This is probably the last time I’m ever gonna see him ”. That thought stuck with me throughout the whole night . It haunted the fuck out of me .

” You’re never gonna get me alive, you bastards ”, Emmett shouted, as he pointed the gun at the police .

” Get out of there, Emmett, get out of there, they’re gonna get you, man, quick, get out ”, I shouted .

” Drop it ”, the police man said and the police officers fired ten gunshots, two of which got to Emmett, no misses . We ran as fast as we could to stop them . At that moment in time, a paticuliar thought came watching over me . A voice kept saying ” Go and get him ”, it was telling me to drag him away, but I don’t think I could. I would have done, but I just couldn’t . We ran towards him, trying to stop the police from shooting him but it was too late, the police had already shot him .

” No, no, don’t shoot, he’s just a kid, a poor kid ”, Travis shouted .

” No, not Emmett as well, first it was Johnny, now him, oh gordan bennett, poor Emmett ”, I said, as I was in deep sorrow . Emmett dropped like a fly. He was dead before he hit the ground, and he said his last words before his body shut down. He was out like a light .

” Liam ”, Emmett mumbled and his body rolled over and he closed his eyes . He had blood sheans all over his chest . I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, it was sheer terror . Jamie was furious because of the police officers and what they did .

” You cruel bastards, you cruel bastards, you can go to hell, you go right to hell ”, Jamie shouted . ” What did he ever do to you, he never hurt you, why did you do that, you fucking bastards ”, Jamie shouted, and he bent down and he started talking to Emmett . He layed helplessly on the floor .

” Alright, Emmett, oh poor Emmett, ay ”, Jamie said, as he spoke to him, but Emmett just wasn’t answering. He’s dead, but Jamie just couldn’t help himself . ” You’re gonna be alright, man, just sleep now, sweet dreams, my man ” Jamie said .

” Come on, man, leave him now, he’s resting, get up, man, come on, Jamie, it’s alright ”, Dominick said . We were all terrified, furious and upset . We couldn’t look at his corpse any longer . I was about to black out, I couldn’t keep myself grounded, I had no balance, I couldn’t stand up on my own two feet . I was gonna black out, which I did, I suddenly passed out and I landed in Dominick’s arms. I was still concious and I was crying . I dazed into the sky .

” It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright, Liam, we’re here now, shhh, it’s ok, it’s done now, it’s done ”, Dominick said as he comforted me. He tried to calm me down .

” Ehhhh, ehhh, Emmett, poor Emmett, he’s just lying there, he’s helpless, uh, I can’t do this, man ” I said, and I started stuttering due to the shivering .

” I know, I know, Liam, it’s alright, but you what know what, he’s happy now, he’s happy, it’s what he wanted, do you understand ?”, Dominick said, with a gentle quiet voice .

” No, it’s not what he wanted, he never wanted this, he didn’t ask for it, no ”, I shouted .

” Shhh, shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay. That’s how it goes, innit ”, Dominick said . When I gained a bit more conciousness, I woke up and I saw the gang standing in front of me .

” Ah, there you are, Liam, you’ve been gone for quite some time now ”, Jamie said and I opened my eyes slowly . ” I honestly thought we lost you ”, he added .

” Don’t worry, Jamie, I’m still here, I’m still here ”, I said .

” Nah man, fucking hell, bruv ”, Kevin said .

When they dragged Emmett’s body away. We knew that he wanted to happen. When the gunshots fired and the gunshots echoed, and when Emmett collapsed in the night breeze, I just knew that Emmett would not hesitate to move away. I knew he wanted it to happen. Emmett Yohanson wanted to be dead, he always got what he wanted. He felt like he had no purpose, so to get rid of the pain, he killed himself. Poor Emmett, ay ?, he had a tough life, very complicated . First it was Johnny, and now it’s Emmett . He wanted to die just so he could be with Johnny. Johnny was the only thing that Emmett ever loved . He hated the world, he hated society. He wanted nothing to do with it . He sheltered himself from the world . He rejected self care, he didn’t look after himself. He smoked all kinds of shit, he’s only 18, the poor geezer was only 18. There’s probably thousands of young geezers his age who are going through the exact same thing, but it’s a dog eat dog world out there, so I highly doubt that anyone would give a toss. Johnny was the only person who he could count on .

Me, Travis, Kevin, Dominick and Jamie were sitting against a wall. I was trying to grasp the reality, I tried to get my head around the fact that Emmett is dead and he’s not coming back. We never wanted the day to come, but it’s here. So here we are .

” Well, I guess that’s it, Emmett’s gone, as well as Johnny, they’re both gone . You know what, I really wish I did something to prevent Emmett’s death, I’m ashamed of myself, I really am ”, I said .

” What would you have done ?”, Jamie asked .

” A hug, I should have gave him a hug. Man’s never been hugged before. He’s not loved, man, anyone who sees him, they just turn a blind eye, every time he walks down the street, no one even bats an eye, hehh, the poor kid ”, I added . ” I should have been there for him. When he ran out of the hospital, for when he started losing it. I’m ashamed of myself, I’m terrible. If anything, it should have been me who died, not Emmett, he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve it at all, I’m ashamed ”, I said .

” No, don’t be, you shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself. You were good to them, you gave them a home, you gave them warm clothes, you gave them something that they could look forward to. They just reached an encounter that you couldn’t prevent. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, man, it’s not your fault, it really isn’t ”, Dominick said .

” Yeah, if anything, you saved us. If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be here today. We’d be dead. You made it a safe environment for us. We couldn’t thank you enough, thank you ”, Travis said .

” Aw thanks, lads ”, I said, and I started getting emotional . Travis, Dominick, Jamie and Kevin hugged me. ” Poor Emmett, ay ?. He just couldn’t run away from his problems. He was great, he was, that Emmett Yohanson, he’ll always be cool, he’ll always be there, won’t he ?”, I asked .

” Yeah, he’ll always be there ”, Travis said .

” Oh well, I think that we’re all that we have left, god forbid, something happens to one of you, I bloody hope not. I’m never gonna let you go, you’re staying here with me, alright ?, you’re not going anywhere ”, I said .

” Don’t worry Liam, we’ll never let go ”, Jamie said .

A few minutes later, Dominick, Jamie, Kevin and Travis went back to my place. We wanted to give Johnny and Emmett a proper send off, so we lit up some lanters and we let them go. They floated up into the air and it was absolutely beautiful . The lanterns shon like gold and it slowly vanished into the night sky . We waved our arms about in the air to imitate an eagle spreading it’s wings . The reminisence of gold, glistening in the moon lit sky. There’s no one here but us, it was sensational . We demanded ourselves to stay happy and positive for Johnny and Emmett. We’ve always promised to stay together like a flock of eagles, cause that’s who we are, Eagles .

It doesn’t feel like Johnny is dead. I feel like he’s still alive. It’s weird feeling that I just can’t explain. I feel like he’s around somewhere . We spent most nights hanging around in parking lots and we used to watch Giallos until sunrise. I just can’t shake the feeling of knowing that Johnny’s still alive. Dominick thinks that I’m going mad, and you know what, maybe I am, maybe I am, but that’s not gonna stop me from believing in my mate . Perhaps it’s just best to let him go for once. He’s gone now, he’s gone for good, and what are you gonna do about it . Nothing really .

That night, I had a look through some of the photos that we took together as a group . There was a photo that we took in the motor, and I had tears rolling down my face, just one after the other, just rolling down my face . I just miss John and Emmett a lot. We were all there, just loving life, making each other laugh, and our lives just changed by the minute . One minute, they were there, and they were gone, the next. Times just change so fast, and I can’t keep up, and I don’t want to. I don’t wanna know what happens in the future. I don’t wanna know what happens tomorrow, let alone the future . What if something happens to Travis, and I’m asleep in my house, unable to wake up, it would be terrifying . I don’t even wanna think about it, it’s messing me up . Fuck knows how I’m gonna move on from all this. I might as well not move on from this. I’m stuck, like cement. I can’t move on, not with all this shit, not with the rest of my mates. If anything, I’m scared. I’m scared shitless . God, just take me, just do whatever you want with me, just kill me so I don’t have to experience life anymore, I’m tired . After we gave Emmett and Johnny a good send off, Travis, Jamie, Dominick and Kevin were getting ready to head back to their homes .

” Alright, I’m gonna head off ”, Dominick said, as he packed his bags .

” Oh ok cheers, thanks for coming, man, I really appreciate it ”, I said .

” Yeah, the boys will never be forgotten, they’ll go down in history, those geezers ”, Travis said .

” Yeah, of course they will, there’s no way that they’ll go under the radar, they’re fucking brilliant, they were heroes, legends never die, only myths do, and they’re not fucking myths ”, I said .

” Yeah, if you ever called Emmett a myth, he’d fucking batter you, you don’t mess with that geezer, he’s a hustler, that one ”, Jamie said .

” Yeah no, he’s fucking demented, he is ”, Dominick said .

” Alright, Liam, I’m gonna head off as well. I need to have an early start, I’m knackered, I am ”, Kevin said .

” Cool, thanks again, lads, there’s no way that I could have done this on my own, I need the whole lot with me, don’t I ?”, I said .

” No problem, The Eagles come and go together, it’s not every man for himself, you know ?, like what’s that, exactly ”, Dominick said .

” Yeah, look after yourselves, yeah ?, cause you don’t know what’s round the corner, you could get hit by a bus or something. You gotta live in the moment, appreciate what’s around you, you know, you can wake up, one day, and it’s all black ”, I said .

” Yeah, you know us, we’ll always take care of ourselves, make sure that you take care of yourself as well ”, Travis said .

” Will do, will do ”, I said . ” Oh wow, look at us, all here together, except maybe one or two of us, who are in a better place. Oh well, I guess this is the end of The Eagles ”, I said with a sigh .

” No, no it’s not, it’s not the end, Eagles never die, we’ll be around forever, no matter what happens ”, Travis said .

” Yeah, I know, it’s just not the same without Johnny and Emmett, it feels empty . You know, a few nights ago, they were here, and now, they’re gone. How is it possible for nights changing so fast, it’s beyond me. It’s quite terrifying, actually, I can’t seem to get my head around it ”, I said .

” Yeah, well, at least they’re not suffering anymore, the weight’s been taking off their shoulders, at least we know they are safe, and that no one will be able to touch them ”, Jamie said .

” Yeah, it’s just, who knew that we would be here today, I never thought I’d be here, talking about this ”, I said .

” Well, we’re all gonna die someday, but that’s absolutely fine, as long as we’re happy and that we are healthy and alive, then we’ll be okay . One day, you die, time slows down, you’re body shuts down, people will stop seeing you. It’s hard, but you heal, you remember them here ”, Dominick said, as he pointed to my chest, refering to my heart .

” Wow, I really appreciate having this conversation, Dominick, bloody hell ”, I said, as I started laughing .

” Look, we all know that Johnny was happy, he was chuffed that the kids were okay, and he was happy around us. We did all we could to make him feel safe, we did all we could to make him feel welcome in a violent neighborhood like Stamford Hill. We lived and we breathed here, this is our home. I’m sure that Johnny will remember on what an amazing person you was ”, Dominick said .

” He didn’t even remember who we were, how’s he gonna remember that ?”, I asked .

” Oh he’ll remember, don’t worry about that. I’m sure of it, I’m sure that there will be a part of his brain that’s still functioning. Then after that, the rest of his brain will stop working, just like he’s body ”, Dominick said .

” Hm, I still think that I could have done more for Johnny and Emmett, cause remember, I saved them, but they saved me as well. They were like my brothers, each and every one of them. I saw a lot of myself in them, and now that they’re gone, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. They are the reasons why I’m still alive, I would have died long ago, if it wasn’t for them. Cause I just looked forward to seeing their faces, every morning. Now, I just feel like there’s no purpose ”, I said .

” You’ve done enough. All that we can do now is just remember. All the memories. When we were watching sunsets, when we were watching the stars, when we watched Westers til sunrise, watching Minder until one of us falls asleep, when we laughed every time one of us did something stupid, when we were singing and when we were laughing . Just remember how great you made it for them. You made them feel safe, you gave them a second life, and you gave them a night to remember. You had the job of looking after them, and you did a bloody good job of it, I’m telling you ”, Dominick said . ” So drop the idea that you were shit, alright ?, cause that’s just total bollocks ”, Dominick added . I started crying and everyone else started as well .

” You know what, I still think they’re around. I can feel it, I know that they’re still alive ”, I said, as I got a really strange feeling . Something came over me.

” No Liam, Listen to me, listen to me, Johnny and Emmett are dead, you saw them die right in front of your own two eyes ”, Jamie said .

” No, no, I will not have it, they’re not dead, they’re still alive . They’re talking to me now, they’re trying to talk to me, I can hear them ”, I said .

” What the fuck is wrong with him, Jamie ?”, Travis said, as he looked scared .

” He’s fine, Travis, he’s just gone slightly mad ”, Jamie said .

” Johnny !!!!, Emmett !!!!, Emmett !!!!, come back, you bastards ”, I shouted .

” Oi Liam, Liam, Liam, calm down, calm down, sit down, sit down, that’s it ”, Dominick said, as he tried to make me sit on a chair .

” No, no don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch me, don’t touch me, don’t fucking, get off ”, I shouted. I was crying, I was shaking, I was having tics, I was going mad. I suddenly stopped and I closed my eyes .

” It’s alright, Liam, it’s alright, I’m here now, I’m here, we are all here ”, Jamie said, as he comforted me .

” Oh god, why did it have to be them ?”, I said .

” I know, it’s done now, it’s done ”, Jamie said.

” Guys, listen to me. Just make sure that you look after yourselves, we don’t know what’s out there. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Just enjoy yourselves, enjoy your life while it’s still there, cause anything could happem tomorrow ”, I told them .

” Yeah, we’ll be alright, I’m gonna take care of myself for Johnny and Emmett, they deserved better, and because of that, I’ll never forget them ”, Travis said .

” Yeah, I’ll do whatever I can for my mates. ” Oh hey, I totally forgot, um, the nurse who was at Homerton, she came by, last night and she told me to to give you this, it’s that book, Gone With The Wind, I was told that there’s something in there, so ”, Dominick said, and he gave me the copy of Gone With The Wind. It was the one I let Johnny borrow, yeah, the book had some real memories . It was almost like I couldn’t hold it, it was that bad .

” Oh yeah, this book, I gave it to Johnny, he wanted it so I gave it to him. Tell the nurse I said thanks ”, I said .

” Will do ”, Dominick said .

” Just promise me that you won’t let go, I don’t want you lot going too ”, I said .

” We promise, we’ll be around, I guess I’ll come round tomorrow afternoon, if that’s alright with you, if you’re not doing anything ”, Jamie said .

” Yeah of course, man, of course. The door’s open for you to come round any time, feel free to come and stay, I only live down there ”, I said. ” Are you lot alright going back home, yeah ?, you sure you don’t wanna stay at my place tonight ?”, I asked .

” Nah it’s ok, I think it’s about time I finally returned home . Home life is a mess, but it’s where I grew up, so I have to come back home, at some point ”, Dominick said .

” Yeah, in my house, it fucking stinks ”, Jamie said .

” Yeah, but we’ll pop round tomorrow, first thing, yeah ?”, Dominick asked .

” I’ll be waiting ”, I said .

” Yeah definetely, man, we’ll come round, tomorrow, I’m looking forward to that, it’s gonna be wicked ”, Travis said .

” Alright Liam, well, I’m gonna head off ”, Travis said .

” Yeah, we’re gonna start heading back as well, it’s getting late ”, Jamie said .

” Alright, see ya, love you guys, take care, bye ”, I said, as I waved .

” Bye ”, Kevin said, as he waved . They left my back garden and headed back home. Heading back to their real homes, to their real parents, which you know, I think is bloody terrifying, considering how long they’ve been gone for . I honestly don’t even know how they do it. I wish them all the best, cause you can’t really do anything else other then that .

” Wishing you the best in life, Liam, you’re a legend, man ”, Jamie said .

” Cheers man, you too, you too ”, I said and they left .

At 11 pm, I was asleep in my bed room. I was out of it . Absolutely exausted . Then suddenly, there was a knock on the door. I picked myself up from the bed and I ran downstairs as fast as I could, I didn’t know where I was, now mind you, I was tired, if you were tired, you would have done the same . I was rubbing my eyes and yawning a lot . I opened the door, there were about four police cars outside, including two vans. The sirens were going off like mad, the lights were blinding me . I was covering my eyes the whole time . I rubbed my eyes and I started speaking to the police man, he just stood there on my doorstep. He didn’t look too happy, to say the least .

” Hello sir, how can I help you ?”, I asked, as I opened the door. I was rubbing my eyes. I was still tired, I barely got any sleep from the following night .

” Um, this is Liam Neeson, is that right ?”, he asked .

” Er yes, yes that’s right, here I am, um, is, is everything alright ?, how may I help ?”, I asked .

” Sir, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. Four lifeless bodies discovered in the streets ”, the police man replied . ” Your friends are gone ”, he added . I was shocked. When he started the sentence, at some point, I thought he was taking the mick. I had no idea what he was on about .

” What, what do you mean, how ?”, I asked .

” Four boys found dead in the street. One was found on Winston Road, the other was found on Springdale Road, the other was found on Albion road, another body was found near Tottenham, and the last one was found in the river, near the Woodbury Wetlands ”, the police replied .

” Who are they, what are their names ?. Oh no no no no, I think you’re getting this mixed up, there’s no way you’re talking about me and my mates, there is no way. Listen mate, there are tons and tons of people who live around here, tons and tons . My friends are alive ”, I said . ” No, I’m not having it, alright ?, my mates are my mates and they’re still alive, don’t bullshit me, sir ”, I said .

” No sir, your mates are not your mates, and they’re fucking dead, alright ?”, the police man said .

” Oi no no, don’t say that, that’s not true. No that’s not true. My mates are alive ”, I said .

” They might but there’s also a 100 % chance that they’re not, I’m just saying, I’m just saying, I’m doing my job, alright ?”, the police man said .

” Are you having a laugh as well, cause I bloody hope so. If you say that again, I will freak out !!!, I promise ”, I shouted .

” Alright, I won’t say it then, but I’m telling you now, yeah ?, your friends are not in their houses, they’re out there ”, the police man said . ” I can show you but you’re not gonna wanna see it ”, he added .

” Yeah perhaps, I won’t, cause it’s not fucking real, that’s why . Are you an honest man, sir ?”, I asked .

” Yes I am, very . If you don’t believe me, then tough . You’re never gonna see your mates again, that is that ”, the police man said .

” Yeah I’m afraid you’ve got this all wrong . Whoever it is, I know it’s not my mates. They returned home safely, last night . They phoned me and everything . It’s definetely not them. I don’t even know what you’re getting at, mate. You come and knock on my door and I don’t even know who you are, who are you ?. Oh yeah, you’re police man ”, I said . ” You’ve got this all wrong, I can save you time ”, I added .

” No, I’m afraid not, we got it right. Four young geezers, most of them were in their 20s, one of them was in his late teens. Their names were Kevin Costner, Travis Fisher, Jamie Forrester and Dominick Jones. Do any of the following names ring any bells ?”, he asked .

” Oh shit, yeah, they are my mates, what happened to them ?. I thought they returned home, safely, well, that’s what I was told anyway ”, I said .

” Well, I’m afraid not, sir, they were killed. Their bodies were discovered between eight and nine pm, they were found in cold blood . I’m sorry, sir, your friends are gone ”, the police man said . I was in complete shock. I was not expecting to hear that, wasn’t expecting it at all . It hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t think I was gonna recover from it, I was shell shocked .

” What, oh no, it can’t be, no, oh my god, ehhhh, my mates are gone, the poor things ”, I said, as I started crying . I was leaning against the wall, I just couldn’t believe it .

” But wait, sir, they wanted to tell you something . They wanted me to tell you that they don’t want you to worry and cry about them, they are so proud on how far you’ve come. Dominick wanted you to be happy for him, he’s in a better place now . And that you’ll never be alone because they’ll always always be with you ”, he told me . I blocked out everything that he said, I just blocked it all out . I just couldn’t believe it. First it was Johnny, then it was Emmett, and now the rest of my mates are gone . I always told myself that if you love something, you have to learn to let it go, but that’s just bollocks. I didn’t wanna let them go. I have lived to see my fully fledged nightmare . The nightmare of finding out that all my mates are gone and they’re not coming back. I can just sit and wait for a miracle to happen and they could come and see me again, and life can go back to normal, like how it used to be, right before all this shit happened . But we can’t turn back time, but if only we could, then I’d go back and do it in a heartbeat. Life just isn’t the same anymore .

I got up and I wanted to ask the police man on how they died. He had all the answers, which is kind of rich, since it only happened like four hours ago . The results and the details can’t come in that quickly, there’s no way . It doesn’t just happen like that, it takes time and a lot of fustration as well, but mainly time, and patience .

” Excuse me, sir, how did they die ?”, I asked .

” They were all killed by different causes. Kevin Costner got ran over by an upcoming car, going thirty five miles per hour down the motorway . Mr Jones died whilst trying to save Kevin from getting run over, he just didn’t see it coming, he couldn’t move away if he tried, no one can change anything, what’s done is done, hm, the poor lad . Jamie just had enough of everything so he commited suicide, he jumped off a cliff. And Travis ?, well, he got stabbed by a passer by ”, he replied . ” A knife was driven deep into his heart, he just lied there, lifeless and helpless, a very abrupt end, you know, he didn’t even wake up to see the sunrise, it’s dark out there ”, he added .

” Oh my god, noo, who killed him. I wanna know, cause I’m gonna go down there and I’m gonna kill the geezer with my bare hands, I’m not even joking. I’m gonna make him paralyzed from the waist down, that’s what I’m gonna do, I couldn’t give a monkees ”, I said . ” Do you have idea on who might have done it ?, well, do you ?”, I asked .

” We don’t know who did it, the suspect isn’t identified, he just ran off without a trace, by the time I turned around, he was already out of sight . ” If I knew who it was, I’d go and do him in, but I can’t do that, you know why, it’s because police men can’t fucking arrest anyone in the nick of time, bloody useless, it’s pony, innit, that whole thing ”, the police man replied .

” Oh bloody hell, I can’t do this, I didn’t ask for this, I feel like such an idiot ”, I said, as I put my head in my hands .

” No look, look, it’s not your fault, it really isn’t. You did your thing, your mates had reached an encounter that you couldn’t do anything to stop them from reaching ”, the police man told me . ” You made their lives better, you got them out of this hell hole ”, he added .

” Nah, I killed them. I just wish I did more to prevent their deaths . I should have brought them back to my place. Oh I feel like such a clot, I really do . I can’t let go of that, it’s gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. From now on, there’s gonna be a voice, a little demon, saying ” You killed them, you killed them, the perfect time has come along to prove you right, and the whole world is gonna know, every single being, is gonna know that you did it ”.  I can’t even imagine what’s gonna happen next. Karma’s coming for me, oh it’s coming, and it’s gonna hit me hard. It’s gonna kill me ”, I said, as I broke down. The police man was in denial. He wanted nothing to do with it . I could already tell, he was getting a bit impatient and a bit fed up . The geezer’s just doing his job, at the end of the day. I could never do what he does every day, no way .

” No, I won’t hear it. You didn’t kill them. You were trying to be a good friend and you did the right thing, so there’s no need to doubt yourself on this occasion, do you understand ?”, the police man shouted .

I stood there with my hands out, waiting for the police man to put hand cuffs on both of my wrists . I believe I killed them, I deserve every second of what’s gonna happen to me. I’m an awful person, a terrible terrible person . I deserve to be locked up. Even if I get a punch in the groin, I’m just gonna stand there and take it because that is the least I deserve . I don’t deserve to live. That’s just greed, pure greed . I don’t deserve it at all. I deserve to live in fear, cause that’s what I put all my mates through . I deserve to be killed .

” Do you know what, just take me to the station, just take me in, please . Just do whatever you want with me, alright ?, bash my head against the pole if you like. Just kill me so I don’t have to live anymore ”, I said, as I held my hands out . Expecting the police man to hand cuff me .

” Why do you want me to take you to the police station, you didn’t commit a crime, as far as I’m concerned, you’re innocent, why do you want me to take you in ?”, the police man asked .

” No, I’m not innocent, I killed them, so just take me in, please, do it now . You fucking bastard, you shister, put the hand cuffs on me now, no fucking around ”, I shouted . I’m just realizing that I’m saying that I don’t usually say. My attitude has changed a lot since my friends faded out of my life. It’s something I should be concerned about . I’m a monster . My mum would never stand for this kind of nonsense. If she saw me acting like this, she’d give me a clap around the bonce . Oh how times have changed, fucking typical . I have no idea where my life is leading me to . I’ll be an alchoholic and a drug addict by the time I get to thirty . I don’t even think I’ll be able to make it to thiry, by the looks of things . However, if I do make it to thirty, I’d be feeling somewhat surprised .

” Come on, come on, do it then ”, I said, as I started getting even more and more agressive .

” No, I’m not doing it, alright ?. There’s no need to arrest you. You didn’t commit a crime, we only arrest suspects and people who murder innocent individuals, you’re neither of those things ”, he said . ” Now, I do think you’re getting ahead of yourself, sunshine. I never desrespected you, didn’t it ? ”, the police man asked .

” No sir, you haven’t ”, I replied, sensibly .

” Right well then. There’s no need to shout. There’s no need to be agressive, we’re on the same side, aren’t we ?. I’m just trying to help you, nonetheless ”, he said .

” Apologies ”, I said .

” Let’s not end it on a bad note, alright ?. There’s no need for a scrap. I’m just trying to help you, that’s all ”, he said .

” I’m sorry ”, I said, and I started crying .

” Whatever for, You have nothing to be sorry about, really, there isn’t ”, he said .

” I know . I’ve just been an absolute pain in the arse, haven’t I ?. First, I’ve killed two of my mates and now this. What have I done ?, what have I done ?”, I said, as I crouched down into a ball .

” You haven’t done anything ”, he assured me .

” I have. I’m a monster ”, I said . ” I’ve made a terrible mistake ”, I added .

” They will all be here . They’ll always be up there. The sky is so much more beautiful then we thought . Just look at all the stars that are all alighned . Don’t you just look at it and think, wow, it’s so beautiful, you know, the moonlit sky . I’m always out, doing my thing with my work colleagues, rounding up all the suspects and criminals, getting into the nitty gritty, dealing with a lot of crime, but I always just look up every once in a while . Every time you see the sun shining outside your curtains and your windows, you know it’s gonna be a good day ”,  the police man said . ” Right, I need to go and deal with something. There’s been an incident on Albion road. There’s been a scrap and some geezer got in the middle of it, it ended badly, apparently . I need to go and see what’s going on . I’m sorry for your loss, by the way. Best regards, see ya ”, the police man said and then he left.

” No, come back, please, where are you going ?. You don’t care, huh ?, well maybe, one day, one of your mates will get killed in broad daylight and no one will come to your rescue, they won’t even think twice, they’ll just stay where they are, and you know what, damn right . You don’t care about people, do ya ?, you heartless git . It’s all for show, you don’t care . You couldn’t give a toss . You don’t give a shit when someone’s loved one gets murdered right in front of their eyes. You just sit there and you laugh, you laugh. You can go to hell, you go right to hell, you fucking disgrace ”, I shouted, as I leaned against the wall in pain, but the police man just walked off and he ignored me. Fucking hell, no hard feelings, cruel bastard . When I calmed down a little bit, I had a look at some of the photos that we took together as a group . We were all just loving life and we were laughing and just smiling. We were all there together, it made me bawl my eyes out .

I just miss them so much. I miss seeing Emmett’s face, every morning, when he returns home after shreiking havvock outside. And just having that feeling of knowing that he’s probably in deep shit, but he’s just comes inside the house with a huge smile on his face, acting like nothing even happened . It was just so him, it was so Emmett. Only a geezer like Emmett would do something like that. All the memories started fludding in. The time when I first met them and everyone was absolutely clueless and oblivious, I had no idea why there were four geezers in my cellar. The time where each and every one of us did something mental and we just laughed the whole way through . Yeah, those were the days . Now, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m just drifting along, stumbling and trembling . As I looked at all the photos, I just new, from then on, that the night before was the last time we’d be together. We were being pushed into the deep end without even seeing it coming . It’s bloody terrifying if you ask me .

I was the only Eagle that was alive. Everybody else was gone . It made me feel kinda grateful that I was alive. I used to think that life was absolutely pointless and that life wasn’t worth living . But after everything that happened with my mates, it’s given life a whole new meaning . It totally changed my out look on life. We should make the most of our days because we don’t know what day will be our last. We’re only on this planet for a short amount of time, our time is too limited, you might as well do what you love, cause it’s not garanteed . I also played some of the tunes that Emmett played in the motor. The songs that we sung together and suddenly, the memories and the tears started fludding in . Even if they were really shit songs, cause trust me, some of them are shit . He has like Chinese and Indian music. Arghh, bloody hell. Normally, he’s the one who takes the piss out of that kind of stuff, when really, he just does it himself, typical . Nostra fucking darmas, that’s the medical term for fucking phycho .

I just sat there and I watched the world go by . Thinking that I probably betrayed half my mates and how I let them go astray . But let me tell you something, when I was little, my old man once told me, he said ” Son, every ending has a new beginning, it doesn’t end here ”, and you know what, maybe he’s right. This isn’t the end .

” It’s only the beginning ”

End of chapter