Posted on November 25, 2020
Joe’s Impressions On Their New Neighbours
My first impressions on the new neighbours are that they stink, I hate them, they stared at us in weird ways and they looked suspicious too. They also refused to take the cups of tea that we offered them which was rude, we put in our effort to welcome them and they are not grateful . Completly unacceptable , not even gonna try to be nice to them, let them learn the cruel way. The Neighbors are literally bad eggs, if they need help I am just gonna let them starve and face the pain, that is all what they deserve. I have a feeling that they are the sort of people who are gonna throw us under the bus, if they do, no worries I’ll throw them under the bus too, and it would be really easy, I’ll do that without conflict and a shadow of a doubt.
Hayley on the Neighbors
My first impressions on the neighbors are that they are nice and humble but I might be changing my mind, I think one of them is a criminal, I saw the article in a local newspaper, I’m getting quite worried, I haven’t told Joe about it yet but I will break the news, I should probably think about moving. I do not like them, one of them woke me up at 3am to give them milk and a couple of quid, and they did not bring anything back in return, What jokers, Honestly?
They sent like 5 complaints about us when we didn’t do anything wrong, what noisy idiots, I am gonna make sure I send some complaints about them so that we are even, I am gonna do them on how bad neighbors they are, I am telling ya, they are gonna have trauma from that, but it won’t be my problem , They deserve it.
Posted on November 25, 2020
All On The Streets With Joe And Hayley
Every time we go for a walk on the streets, we witness some weird things. Once when I went on a evening stroll around the block , I noticed a fox in the bush screaming like a girl or somebody being murdered, scared the crap out of me.
There was this other time where I was breifely walking to the shops and suddenly a jogger aproached me, and steam came out of her mouth and went straight into my face, I hate them, they have no sense, no one wants to smell their breath, it is really annoying.
Then another time I saw somebody standing near the shop with a wooden hanger in their hand, where the hell does he think he is? what the hell has the world come to?.
Posted on November 25, 2020
The British Take Off
Sending Hayley on the Great British Bake off was by far one of the biggest mistakes ever. I knew Hayley was a very violent person, everybody wasn’t ready for her, she started off ok then it sort of kicked off out of no where. The last thing I ever remembered when I , watched the footage was I saw Hayley throw a fridge at one of the judges, I think it was Paul Hollywood, makes the thought sound more painful, he had no idea what was coming, probably has a phobia of fridges now, ever since it happened Hayley kept it all a secret, probably ashamed and guilty. Hayley was always a competetive person, she always wants to win, and she always hates it when things don’t go her way, which is a problem.
This thing literally sounds like a soap opera but it is real events from Hayley, it is much worse since I know her.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Memoirs Of Joe
This follows my Character Joe’s memoirs of his daily life, I hope you enjoy.
At 3” 65 , I saw Hayley wandering around on the streets and she said she went out for a walk but I was probably missing something.
At about 2/ 56 . I noticed Hayley in the window of her house basically jumping around her living room, I thought she was happy but she probably had a sugar rush, but I don’t know , I never saw her like that before.
At 3oclock ] I visited Hayley, she needed me to help her with some work, I have noticed that algebra is that hard.
At about 4 oclock[ I saw some random stranger outside a pub, probably had a couple of drinks, he also started to sing Christmas songs but it is now February , probably stuck in some sort of time warp or something, but I think he was drunk, and it is not Christmas after all.
At 5 Oclock ] Hayley helped me set up for a kareoke night , but she got excited then when I started singing Wonderwall by Oasis she just got up and left, I never knew my voice was that bad at the bottom of it we just still had fun.
At 7 oclock] I heard that Hayley had a run in with a neighbour since her dustbin was stolen, she’d had callen the Hackney Council but they didn’t help so she took it out on another person, when it wasn’t really her fault, I apologized but I think they have forgotten about it so I think it is all good now.
At 8 oclock ” I watched a film and asked if she wanted to come but she was busy so I thought I’d give her some time to herself.
At 9 oclock” Hayley wanted me to go to her school play or rehearsal , so I went and it started off ok, then suddenly Hayley started spinning around in circles and not following the script, it was an utter mess, don’t really wanna say it to her face though.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Joe On Getting Lost In Public Places
Getting lost is one of the most awkward subjects ever, and it has happened to me many times. It would not be possible if it didn’t .
There’s this route I take coming home from the gym and there’s always a bush in front of me as I take turn to the right hand side but It is like crystal maze . And I keep going round in circles across the street probably with many people thinking something was off and that I was crazy. There was this other time where I got lost in the street since found the completly wrong location and I started shouting at the drivers on the road, they were paranoid and they probably thought that I was a drug addict, That always happens to me, but you know , whatever happens, happens.
When you get lost you get this feeling in your stomach that you know that you have messed up and that you should of used your brain to make the decision to read the information on Google Maps but you didn’t since you thought you’ll look stupid walking around with a phone in your hand, but wish you did because it is actually an easier way to get around. I am not sure if Hayley experiences the same thing but she definetly has the material, she is thick and she is bad with finding destinations and junctions, and I could just imagine that happening to her day in, day out, and she’ll probably look dumb during that time too. Getting lost isn’t a very common problem but it is to us, it happens to us every day, every single day we experience a bit of it and it’s really annoying , just makes you want to kick a brick wall, and I have had that done before, which wasn’t good since I almost demolished the building and a brick fell off, luckily I didn’t get crushed.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Kitchen Nightmares With Joe and Hayley
My biggest regret is letting Hayley step foot into the kitchen, anything can go wrong. Once Hayley wanted to cook dinner for us both, I thought that it was rather generous of her, but really I read between the wrong lines and pages. She messed up many times and usually I’d say you can learn from mistakes but Hayley made many mistakes and still hasn’t learned from them, So I thought, just give up. She mixed up the salt with the sugar, mixed up the olive oil with the honey, she even set the oven on fire and flames, what else can go wrong?.
,She burned the food 100 times, that’s the same with undercooking it food, left me with 1000.000 indigestions , I was sick alot, just thinking about makes me feel sick. In Hayley’s mind she thinks I like her cooking, I am probably gonna have to talk to her about it, I appreciate her generosity in all but if she carries on I wont have a stomach anymore, I have a feeling that Hayley will punch me for it, but something has to be done.
The fridge is full of her disastrous meals and dishes, I do not know what to do, I’ll probably deliver them to our neighbours. Let them have a slice of disaster too, after all they deserve it. Cant wait for them to see how karma tastes like, Let it be sweet and salty. Once Hayley got into catering class in school, the teacher was always scared of her, she burned her pizza and then she had to start again from scratch , No wonder why she cant cook. It must be hard to be a catering teacher, I wonder how they manage indigestions , they are probably used to them, probably had many food poisonings, painful.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Fashion talk with Joe And Hayley
We wear a lot of fashion, well not really , we only own a t shirt , a pair of shoes, and some trousers, doesn’t really count. I think Hayley’s fashion taste is horrendous , let me tell you something, the other day she came over to my house she wore a t shirt that had big words saying ” I survived the virus pandemic” , and some people would say that things like that are cool, but no , firstly the pandemic isn’t over yet and secondly she barely lived through it, she has been screaming in pillows hours a day. My expectations have never been met, I certainly do not expect Hayley to wear sensible clothes, she’ll come with one wellington boot and a trainer, and they do not match at all. Hayley has no taste in fashion, convince me otherwise.
Fashion with Hayley
I am not one with fashion, I am not an expert, never was, I never really wear extra clothes that are used for going to parties, I wear them to keep comfortable. When Joe was talking about my fashion choices, He is seriously wrong, I liked the virus pandemic shirt, it is my body , he cant tell me anything. Anyway I swear I see Joe wearing more awful clothes than me, they are definetly not compared in any way. If you think my t shirt was bad you’d anna see what Joe wears, I’d rather you didnt because you’ll have nightmares, but he wears like these trousers or worse, flares, and they are also to baggy for him, they do not fit in any shape or form, I swear I feel like throwing up when I see him in those.
It goes like this, I see him wearing those, I run a mile, simple as that.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Joe’s Talk On Hayley’s Self Control
Hayley has no self control whatsoever , I bet she doesn’t even know what it is. Whenever she gets angry she attacks me or the furniture in the house, but I am not a punching bag and neither is my furniture. She smashed many of my picture frames and it leaves me in a furious mood, and it is not my fault I am angry it is all her. I swear most of the time I feel like the walls in my house are gonna all come down and crack, and I wont have a place to live anymore, I can totally feel that time coming, it is almost around the corner, and it one of those things that you cant hide from.
It is very hard to get the best out of Hayley, you are probably only gonna find the worst, since there is no gold between the sidelines, no matter how hard to dig you’ll just find crap instead. But what is worse is that it stays.
Posted on November 25, 2020
I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
I’m a Celeb is a reality show where celebrities all go in the jungle and they face trials, but sadly this year it couldn’t be filmed in Austrailia it took place in Whales instead. Usually it is filmed in a jungle but this time it is filmed in a castle. Me and my family always watch it every year, we enjoy watching it a lot. Its really funny and it is definetly getting us through this tough pandemic.
The celebrities that sighned themselves up for it are Sir Mo Farah , AJ Pitchard, Hollie Arnold, Victoria Derbyshire, Jordan North , Giovanna Fletcher , Beverly Callard , Vernon Kay , Shane Ritchie , Jessica Plummer , Russel Whatson , Ruthie Henshall.
My favorite’s so far are Mo Farah , AJ Pitchard , Jordan North , Vernon Kay , Ruthie Henshall , Shane Ritchie , but I like all of them at the same time.
Jordan North is a radio 1 dj and he is one of my favorite’s from the line up, when he started he wasn’t ready but I think as he settled in he got the hang of things and faced his fears, which is good.
Posted on November 24, 2020
Joe’s Opinions On Hayley’s weird phobias
Hayley has many fears, every human has them, but they are unusual , so I’d like to share them with you, but they are in secret , just in case Hayley finds out and kills me.
Hayley has a fear of trains, I have no idea how that is relevant because we live in the city and we come across transport and vehicles all the time , How the hell can you travel from place to place without having access to a bus or train, you’ll just have to walk but what if you injure your leg while running or walking to your various destination, it’ll be a hassle. I have no idea on how Hayley got her phobia on trains, I think she watched a thriller about a killer train or bus, Had a theory about them turning evil but where the hell does she think she is, she is not in a apocalypse , this is the real world.
I am planning to push her to face her phobia of trains, because I cant keep up with her running like a hairless chicken when she sees one, otherwise it’ll make me look like a laughing stock.