Posted on November 25, 2020
Memoirs Of Joe
This follows my Character Joe’s memoirs of his daily life, I hope you enjoy.
At 3” 65 , I saw Hayley wandering around on the streets and she said she went out for a walk but I was probably missing something.
At about 2/ 56 . I noticed Hayley in the window of her house basically jumping around her living room, I thought she was happy but she probably had a sugar rush, but I don’t know , I never saw her like that before.
At 3oclock ] I visited Hayley, she needed me to help her with some work, I have noticed that algebra is that hard.
At about 4 oclock[ I saw some random stranger outside a pub, probably had a couple of drinks, he also started to sing Christmas songs but it is now February , probably stuck in some sort of time warp or something, but I think he was drunk, and it is not Christmas after all.
At 5 Oclock ] Hayley helped me set up for a kareoke night , but she got excited then when I started singing Wonderwall by Oasis she just got up and left, I never knew my voice was that bad at the bottom of it we just still had fun.
At 7 oclock] I heard that Hayley had a run in with a neighbour since her dustbin was stolen, she’d had callen the Hackney Council but they didn’t help so she took it out on another person, when it wasn’t really her fault, I apologized but I think they have forgotten about it so I think it is all good now.
At 8 oclock ” I watched a film and asked if she wanted to come but she was busy so I thought I’d give her some time to herself.
At 9 oclock” Hayley wanted me to go to her school play or rehearsal , so I went and it started off ok, then suddenly Hayley started spinning around in circles and not following the script, it was an utter mess, don’t really wanna say it to her face though.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Joe On Getting Lost In Public Places
Getting lost is one of the most awkward subjects ever, and it has happened to me many times. It would not be possible if it didn’t .
There’s this route I take coming home from the gym and there’s always a bush in front of me as I take turn to the right hand side but It is like crystal maze . And I keep going round in circles across the street probably with many people thinking something was off and that I was crazy. There was this other time where I got lost in the street since found the completly wrong location and I started shouting at the drivers on the road, they were paranoid and they probably thought that I was a drug addict, That always happens to me, but you know , whatever happens, happens.
When you get lost you get this feeling in your stomach that you know that you have messed up and that you should of used your brain to make the decision to read the information on Google Maps but you didn’t since you thought you’ll look stupid walking around with a phone in your hand, but wish you did because it is actually an easier way to get around. I am not sure if Hayley experiences the same thing but she definetly has the material, she is thick and she is bad with finding destinations and junctions, and I could just imagine that happening to her day in, day out, and she’ll probably look dumb during that time too. Getting lost isn’t a very common problem but it is to us, it happens to us every day, every single day we experience a bit of it and it’s really annoying , just makes you want to kick a brick wall, and I have had that done before, which wasn’t good since I almost demolished the building and a brick fell off, luckily I didn’t get crushed.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Kitchen Nightmares With Joe and Hayley
My biggest regret is letting Hayley step foot into the kitchen, anything can go wrong. Once Hayley wanted to cook dinner for us both, I thought that it was rather generous of her, but really I read between the wrong lines and pages. She messed up many times and usually I’d say you can learn from mistakes but Hayley made many mistakes and still hasn’t learned from them, So I thought, just give up. She mixed up the salt with the sugar, mixed up the olive oil with the honey, she even set the oven on fire and flames, what else can go wrong?.
,She burned the food 100 times, that’s the same with undercooking it food, left me with 1000.000 indigestions , I was sick alot, just thinking about makes me feel sick. In Hayley’s mind she thinks I like her cooking, I am probably gonna have to talk to her about it, I appreciate her generosity in all but if she carries on I wont have a stomach anymore, I have a feeling that Hayley will punch me for it, but something has to be done.
The fridge is full of her disastrous meals and dishes, I do not know what to do, I’ll probably deliver them to our neighbours. Let them have a slice of disaster too, after all they deserve it. Cant wait for them to see how karma tastes like, Let it be sweet and salty. Once Hayley got into catering class in school, the teacher was always scared of her, she burned her pizza and then she had to start again from scratch , No wonder why she cant cook. It must be hard to be a catering teacher, I wonder how they manage indigestions , they are probably used to them, probably had many food poisonings, painful.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Fashion talk with Joe And Hayley
We wear a lot of fashion, well not really , we only own a t shirt , a pair of shoes, and some trousers, doesn’t really count. I think Hayley’s fashion taste is horrendous , let me tell you something, the other day she came over to my house she wore a t shirt that had big words saying ” I survived the virus pandemic” , and some people would say that things like that are cool, but no , firstly the pandemic isn’t over yet and secondly she barely lived through it, she has been screaming in pillows hours a day. My expectations have never been met, I certainly do not expect Hayley to wear sensible clothes, she’ll come with one wellington boot and a trainer, and they do not match at all. Hayley has no taste in fashion, convince me otherwise.
Fashion with Hayley
I am not one with fashion, I am not an expert, never was, I never really wear extra clothes that are used for going to parties, I wear them to keep comfortable. When Joe was talking about my fashion choices, He is seriously wrong, I liked the virus pandemic shirt, it is my body , he cant tell me anything. Anyway I swear I see Joe wearing more awful clothes than me, they are definetly not compared in any way. If you think my t shirt was bad you’d anna see what Joe wears, I’d rather you didnt because you’ll have nightmares, but he wears like these trousers or worse, flares, and they are also to baggy for him, they do not fit in any shape or form, I swear I feel like throwing up when I see him in those.
It goes like this, I see him wearing those, I run a mile, simple as that.
Posted on November 25, 2020
Joe’s Talk On Hayley’s Self Control
Hayley has no self control whatsoever , I bet she doesn’t even know what it is. Whenever she gets angry she attacks me or the furniture in the house, but I am not a punching bag and neither is my furniture. She smashed many of my picture frames and it leaves me in a furious mood, and it is not my fault I am angry it is all her. I swear most of the time I feel like the walls in my house are gonna all come down and crack, and I wont have a place to live anymore, I can totally feel that time coming, it is almost around the corner, and it one of those things that you cant hide from.
It is very hard to get the best out of Hayley, you are probably only gonna find the worst, since there is no gold between the sidelines, no matter how hard to dig you’ll just find crap instead. But what is worse is that it stays.
Posted on November 25, 2020
I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
I’m a Celeb is a reality show where celebrities all go in the jungle and they face trials, but sadly this year it couldn’t be filmed in Austrailia it took place in Whales instead. Usually it is filmed in a jungle but this time it is filmed in a castle. Me and my family always watch it every year, we enjoy watching it a lot. Its really funny and it is definetly getting us through this tough pandemic.
The celebrities that sighned themselves up for it are Sir Mo Farah , AJ Pitchard, Hollie Arnold, Victoria Derbyshire, Jordan North , Giovanna Fletcher , Beverly Callard , Vernon Kay , Shane Ritchie , Jessica Plummer , Russel Whatson , Ruthie Henshall.
My favorite’s so far are Mo Farah , AJ Pitchard , Jordan North , Vernon Kay , Ruthie Henshall , Shane Ritchie , but I like all of them at the same time.
Jordan North is a radio 1 dj and he is one of my favorite’s from the line up, when he started he wasn’t ready but I think as he settled in he got the hang of things and faced his fears, which is good.
Posted on November 24, 2020
Joe’s Opinions On Hayley’s weird phobias
Hayley has many fears, every human has them, but they are unusual , so I’d like to share them with you, but they are in secret , just in case Hayley finds out and kills me.
Hayley has a fear of trains, I have no idea how that is relevant because we live in the city and we come across transport and vehicles all the time , How the hell can you travel from place to place without having access to a bus or train, you’ll just have to walk but what if you injure your leg while running or walking to your various destination, it’ll be a hassle. I have no idea on how Hayley got her phobia on trains, I think she watched a thriller about a killer train or bus, Had a theory about them turning evil but where the hell does she think she is, she is not in a apocalypse , this is the real world.
I am planning to push her to face her phobia of trains, because I cant keep up with her running like a hairless chicken when she sees one, otherwise it’ll make me look like a laughing stock.
Posted on November 23, 2020
Haunted House Theories with Joe
Everyday and every night I wonder if my house is haunted, I see reflections of people trying to make hand gestures and get through my window. and no I am not a fantasist , I am being serious, I also hear weird noises coming from near the windows, like wistling sounds, not sure if it is just the wind but I am 100 percent sure it is a ghost this time. I keep calling Hayley to see if she experiences the same thing but she never picks up the phone, it is just a waste of time, it is really getting on my nerves. Yesterday as I was getting ready to go to bed, I heard a noise that sounded like a ghost that was trying to talk to me, but I’d be stupid talking to a window, so I wouldn’t budge but I’d still hear the strange sounds.
I feel like Hayley doesn’t make the noises and it is definetly not the dustbin men, they do not come until 1 and I always hear the noises at 3 am , Got to get to the bottom of this, it is driving me nuts.
Posted on November 23, 2020
Hayley’s Health Letters
When was the last time when you got a cold or flu?
I actually cant remember , Oh yeah , I got one last month, really bad one, Joe didnt come and visit me, How sad is that?
When was the last time you had leg injuries?
Probably the time when I tried to tornado kick to attack Joe, its better now though.
Have you ever pulled a muscle before?
No I dont have any muscles, Im a girl, Wake up.
Have you done anything to improve your mental Health?
Yeah I go to the park sometimes but I have anxiety on getting crapped on by birds and pidgeons. That happened the other day, since then my anxiety went sky rocket.
Posted on November 23, 2020
Weird Objects We’d use as weapons
When it comes to weapons, we had some weird ideas, I dont really have any because I am not a phychopath but Hayley does, here are some of them.
Hayley is the sort of person that’ll use a clothing hanger as a weapon, She always thinks it is similiar to a boomerang but it doesnt seem to come back to you, when she threw it it flew upwards and hit the light bulb and it smashed, yeah, exactly what I thought, Not so smart.
Another weapon she’d use is an onion, she used it to attack me once, didnt end well, it knocked out one of my front teeth.
She would also use a Wii remote as a weapon of choice, she fooled me many times, I just see her waving it in the air, Honestly I think she needs her head examined, I’ll think of a date.
With all of her weapons of choice, it explains on how much of a narrow brain Hayley has, I hope I am not there when she puts them to use, Hopefully, at least