In The City, Mocumentary Script, Too Many Chefs Spoil The Broth

{First scene, Tucker’s having a walk in the park}

Tucker} Ok, so let me show you something very disturbing but cool, ok so, here, we used to have a cricket club, and once, there were a bunch of people who wanted to participate, and they came in the hall, with boots on, and Jason went absolutely insane, in fact he went so insane, that he attacked them with the cricket bat, I think that that’s one of the reasons why he got sectioned, can’t blame them  though, must of been traumatic , not like I know on what it’s like to be attacked, but I know, just by witnessing the scene .

{Next scene, they are all in Jason’s office}

Delsin} I don’t know on what it is but, every time you walk in, you always have some sort of shit sprewing out of your mouth .

Jason} Well, it’s not always shit .

Delsin} Heh, yes it is, actually .

Jason} Please, Delsin, can I carry on with my sentence ?.

Delsin} You just did .

Jason} No I didn’t .

Delsin} Alright fine then, what do you want to say ?.

Jason} Well, today I thought that it would be fun if, we had a cooking session .

Delsin} Omg .

Tucker} A cooking session ?.

Leroy} Why are we doing a cooking session ?.

Jason} Well, I think that it’s about time that we finally tried something new .

Delsin} Tried something new ?, that’s not new, we do these things every single day, what’s new about it ?.

Jason} It is new, we haven’t tried cooking before .

Delsin} Are you sure about that ?.

Jason} Come on guys, what do you have against cooking ?.

Tucker} Why do I always have to share my whole life story ?.

Jason} Oh for goodness sake, Tucker, why are you always against something ?.

Tucker} Don’t ask me, on why I’m always against something, ask my future father in law .

Leroy} What are we even gonna be cooking , a plim sole ?.

Jason} No Leroy, not at all, you are wrong, you are bloody wrong .

Leroy} Well then, just tell us, instead of jabbing your long witch fingers in my face .

Jason} Well, we are gonna be making blancmange .

Tucker} Come again ?.

Delsin} Oh blancmange, I love me some blancmange, all though that is a lie, it’s the most awful thing that goes in your mouth .

Tucker} Forget Blancmange, that’s too normal, can we make sago pudding ?.

Jason} What is sago pudding ?.

Tucker} Oh, it’s a dessert that looks like a mix of sick and frog spawn .

Jason} Ok, and does it taste nice ?.

Tucker} No, actually it doesn’t, but I’m doing it just for the fun of it, because I just want to harrang you guys with it, and I know full well that I shouldn’t even put it no where near my mouth, so, there you go .

Jason} Right ok, can I see a picture of it ?.

Tucker} Hah hah, what, you want to see a picture of it ?.

Jason} Well yeah, I haven’t seen it before, so, that’s what you do, innit, when you see it, you see the bigger picture .

Tucker} Ok, see it then, but when you see the picture, you are gonna wish that you made better life choices, cause doing this, is gonna make you wish that you had a bigger brain .

{ Jason looks at the image}

Jason} Omg .

{ Jason’s read}

” What have I have got myself into , honestly ?.

Tucker} Did you see it, did the thought come into your head, yet ?.

Jason} Omg, just look at that, what the hell ?.

Tucker} See, I told you, didn’t I ?.

Jason} Why would you want to make something like this ?.

Tucker} I just don’t even know, figure it out yourself .

{ Tucker’s read}

” I don’t even know why we are doing a cooking session, but I can’t wait for the karma to hit Jason, How, you ask, well, I’m gonna pick up the spatula, and shove it up his ass .

Delsin} Why are you even taking us to do a cooking session ?.

Jason} Because it’s fun .

Delsin} Everything to you, is fun .

Jason} That’s not true .

Delsin} er, yes it is .

Jason} I don’t even know why you think , cooking is used to torment people .

Delsin} Because it is, making people use a mixer , is criminal assault .

Jason} No it isn’t .

Delsin} What, so, mixing butter, eggs and flour isn’t illegal ?.

Jason} Well, it isn’t where I’m standing, so .

Delsin} Well, it is, so, I don’t know on where you’re standing, you’re standing on a bridge, mate, when will you learn that you are ?.

Jason} Look, just take the bloody baking equipment, and ride out of here .

Delsin} Alright fine .

{ Few minutes later, they are in a kitchen}

Tucker} Right, so this is where the wind blew us ?.

Jason} Well yeah, the kitchen is the most perfect place to cook, cause nobody’s gonna pay a whole charge for a new carpet from Ikea .

Tucker} Oh for crying out loud, Jason, you’re not gonna go ape shit over a carpet with flour and egg yoke on it .

Jason} Ok, if you think that you are so smart, just pick up the first ingredient, I’m not gonna give you any instructions, you do it yourself .

Tucker} Ok fine . { Then he picks up the eggs}

Jason} Oh bloody hell, Tucker, seriously, the eggs ?.

Tucker} Well yeah, you told me to start with them, you should get the nod for that, not me .

Jason} I didn’t tell you to pick the eggs, first .

Tucker} Really mate, cause deep down, you don’t stand out from us, you are just your every day maniac .

Jason} Oh forget this, just, I’m going out for fresh air . { Then he walks out of the kitchen}

Delsin} Heh heh .

{ Delsin’s read}

” But yeah, I can’t count on how many times , Jason has walked out on us, it’s getting silly now .

{ Tucker’s read}

” I can’t say that I’m not glad that I don’t have to do cooking, he made us do it, Jason’s weird, man .

End of Mocumentary script .