In The City, Mocumentary Script, No Way Out

{First scene, everybody is walking around}

Delsin} Guys, you know what ?.

Tucker} What is it ?.

Delsin} I had a nightmare last night .

Tucker} A nightmare ?.

Delsin} Yeah, where I was asleep and I locked out of my house , because of a evil spider, and I couldn’t get out, but the spider turned out to be Jason .

Tucker} What the hell ?.

Delsin} Yeah, I know right, I couldn’t sleep all night .

{ Jason calls them}

Tucker} Oh hi Jason, what’s up ?.

Jason} Nothing, I just want to have a small chat with you about something, so would it be ok if you can pop into the office, just for a few minutes .

Tucker} Um, ok .

{ They enter the office}

Tucker} Ok, so why are we here ?.

Jason} Well um, I want to talk to you about some local problems .

Tucker} What local problems ?.

Jason} Well, like the food donations and food banks .

Delsin} Oh, this is absolutely boring, can I tell you something ?.

Jason} Sure, go ahead .

Delsin} I had a nightmare last night .

Jason} Really ?.

Delsin} Yeah, where I got locked out of my house ,because of a giant evil spider .

Jason} Oh dear, really, that’s funny, a spider ?.

Delsin} Yes it was, yes .

Jason} And who turned out to be the spider ?.

Delsin} It was you .

Jason} Oh, I see .

Delsin} Yeah, that pretty much sums it up .

Jason} Ok, anyway, I was just saying .

{ Then the door slams shut}

Delsin} Omg, what just happened there ?.

Jason} I don’t know, I think the door slammed shut .

Leroy} Oh for god sake .

Delsin} If you are going to let me stay the night with a crazy bloke who almost killed somebody with a biguette, this won’t end in one piece , I’m telling you that .

Jason} Oh this is fine, we’ll just stare at the wall, for 10 hours .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Oh for crying out loud, if anybody has to spend the night in a box, being accompanied by a maniac, don’t call me for help, nuh uh, I’d be riding away on a subway .

Delsin} So if you’re telling me that I have to lie here, and pretend the play along, I’m not gonna scream my guts out in a bucket .

Jason} How did the door even close ?.

Delsin} How the hell am I supposed to know, I’m not the door man .

Tucker} Oh for crying out loud .

Jason} We may be able to get out of this .

Delsin} Oh really , heh, keep dreaming .

Leroy} Why were you talking about food banks ?.

Tucker} Hah, yes Leroy, you tell him .

Jason} Well, in case you didn’t know, we have a big community .

Delsin} Yeah, but that’s what I don’t get, food banks ?.

Jason} Yes, .

Delsin} Why do want food banks ?.

Jason} Because, there is poverty, and it’s there for people who can’t afford to put food on the table .

Tucker} Oh right ?.

Delsin} You look so stupid here, you’re like drifting along like a tumbling tumbleweed .

Jason} I’m sorry ?, I may have misheard you there, did you say tumbleweed ?.

Delsin} Yes I did, yes, , didn’t they teach you that in school ?.

Jason} No, they didn’t, I’d prefer it if they didn’t , would of bog washed my whole career .

Delsin} Yeah, see, you’re doing it now .

Jason} No I’m not .

{ Delsin’s read}

” Jason can get us wrapped in all kinds of shit, he’ll push us in the deep end of the stupidity pool, and would I want to go in there, nope .

Delsin} I’m sorry but if you are doing it now, you’re definetly getting bog washed, so wake up and you notice what’s happening to you .

Jason} Delsin , Zip it .

Tucker} Oh, I have an idea on what to do .

Delsin} Yes, that’s right, let’s see on what the king has to say .

Jason} Please, the man can speak for himself, he isn’t 3 .

Tucker} Ok so, I read this fact in a book, where, if you jump up and down, you can make the other person shut up .

Delsin} That’s a true fact, I’m gonna try it, because Jason deserves it .

Jason} No, I don’t, when did I say that I do ?.

Delsin} You say it all day, every day .

Jason} Oh for crying out loud .

{ Jason’s read}

” You know, I wish, I just wish that I had a special jet, so I could just fly away from the current world , I’m just so tired of it .

{ Delsin starts jumping up and down}

Delsin} See, see that ?.

Jason} No, what are you doing ?.

Delsin} I’m jumping .

Jason} Can’t you just sit down ?.

Delsin} No, I’m not bothered .

{ A few minutes later}

{Everybody’s asleep and lying against the wall}

Tucker} How long have we been here for ?, an hour ?.

Jason} No Tucker, it’s  only been 5 minutes .

Tucker} oh, I see .

Jason} For god sake, why did the door have to shut ?.

Delsin} Don’t bloody ask me, the door moves and closes by itself .

Tucker} Or it probably closed because you were talking shit about a food bank .

Jason} No it didn’t, it’s probably the wind , it’s a blizzard out there .

Delsin} Yeah, just like how shit hits the fan .

Jason} Delsin, why do you keep saying phrases like those ?.

Delsin} This is not your business to know, you can ask me a million times and yet, you still won’t know the answer .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Jason needs to chill out more, he just believes in all sorts of shit, he really needs to put his foot down , day by day, he’s just slowly turning into weirdo .

Delsin} You really need to stop believing in these conspiracy theories, because you are more mad then you think you are .

Jason} No Delsin, I think it’s supposed to be the other way round, you are more mad then you think you are .

Delsin} But it’s not though, I’ve seen you do more stupid things then me .

Jason} Ok, well list them, I’ll tick them off .

Delsin} Ok well, you are dumb, and you are always included in my nightmares and dreams .

Jason} Oh really, am I, huh ?.

Delsin} Uh huh, you are , and be proud of it .

Jason} Why should I be proud of that ?.

Delsin} Don’t ask me .

Jason} Are you taking the piss ?.

Delsin} That’s a good question, yes I am .

{Jason gets angry and finds a brick and knocks the door down}

Jason} GRRr, Ahhhhhhhhhh, bloody shit .

Leroy} Woah Jason, what happened there ?.

{ Leroy’s read}

” Woah, the question is , ” Where did he find the brick, I’d laugh but, I’m scared that he’ll put the brick in a pillow case .

Tucker} Where the hell did that come from ?.

Jason} I don’t know , Tucker, it’s a special thing called stress, it makes you turn into a vampire .

Tucker} Yeah, I’ve seen that before .

{ Then Tucker walks off}

{Tucker’s read}

” Can somebody call me a cab , please ?, thank you .

Lawrence} Ok, you are clearly going off your rocker, so I’m out of here, yeet .

Jason} Wait, who’s gonna fix the door ?, guys, guys .

End of mocumentary script