In The City, Mocumentary Script, The Key To Success But Instead It Leads To Shit

{First scene, Tucker is walking outside with Lawrence and Leroy}

Tucker} Why did you call me 10 times last night ?.

Delsin} What do you bloody mean, 10 times, I didn’t call you 10 times .

Tucker} Yes you did, why are you lying, it showed 8 DMs and 10 phone calls .

Delsin} I don’t know what are you on about ?.

Tucker} I think you know on what I’m on about, I need you to delete them otherwise I’m gonna kick your ass .

Delsin} How the hell are you gonna kick my ass if you’re down there ?.

Tucker} I still can, I can leap 5 feet into the air .

Delsin} Yeah right, if you jumped in the air, you’d probably shit yourself .

Tucker} Oh shut up .

{Next scene, Everybody’s in Jason’s office}

Delsin} Can I just ask you something ?.

Jason} Yes, what is it, Delsin ?.

Delsin} Is this real life, or is this some sort of a dream ?.

Jason} What are you on ?.

Delsin} Why the hell do we end up here in the office, do we get carried by a wheelbarrow or something ?.

Jason} No you don’t, does it look you do ?.

Delsin} I don’t know, does it ?.

Leroy} Oh for goodness sake, can we just stop talking about wheelbarrows and just get us out of this office for once ?.

Jason} Ok, so basically, there has been a problem that I’m gonna need to share with you .

Delsin} Oh what so, you’re gonna share it with us and make it our problem, when it’s yours .

Jason} No of course not, there’s more to it other then just making it your pile of rubbish .

Delsin} No it’s not, your crap will remain as your crap, it’s not gonna be ours .

Jason} Can you just shut up ?.

Delsin} Hah hah, no .

Jason} Shut up !!!!! .

{Silence}

Tucker} Well that went awkward quite quickly .

Jason} Yes it has, Tucker, yes it has, and it went awkward for a reason .

Leroy} If there’s a reason, why don’t you just say it, cause not saying it, makes it look like there is no reason .

Jason} Ok then I’ll tell you, ok so, I lost a key .

Delsin} Dun dun duunn, oh no, he’s lost a key, a bloody key, we should all worry our asses off . { As he stands up}

Tucker} What key is it, the key to the garage ?.

Jason} No, the key to the office .

Leroy} Oh my god .

Delsin} Ok first of all, if you lost the key to the office, then how are we here ?.

Jason} What do you mean ?.

Delsin} Omg, if you lost the key, how did we get into the office, did we break in by smashing the windows, is this even your office, cause if this is your office, then it’s all gone haywire .

Jason} No, this is my office, it looks exactly like my office, and it is my office, I don’t know on what’s going on here, or if I’m just being stupid and believing in your nonsense .

Leroy} Look, don’t believe in Lawrence’s crap, you’ll get brainwashed and turn into a non human .

Jason} Look, we are finding this key, and that’s all there is to it, ok, and I’m not getting brainwashed, and I’m not stupid .

Leroy} Look, it’s never too late to admit that you’re stupid .

Jason} Yes thanks a lot, Leroy .

{Leroy’s read}

” I don’t really know on what’s going on , to be honest, I’m lost, I’m lost in all sorts of shit ” .

Tucker} What does the key even look like ?.

Jason} It looks like a normal key, what is it supposed to look like, a car ?.

Tucker} That is literally the worst description of a key I have ever heard, how do you manage councilling if you don’t know on what keys look like ?.

Jason} Ok I do know what keys look like, and what do keys have to do with councilling, I’m not a locksmith, who told you that ?.

Tucker} Look, to me, you have no idea, and you are getting us to look for it .

Jason} What do you think a key looks like, a castle key, no, oh hell no, where do you think you are, Zelda, you’re not in bloody Zelda, you’re in the real world, and how long have you been in this real world for, huh ?.

Tucker} Probably as long as you’ve been in a delirium, you’ve been there your whole life, don’t act clever .

Jason} Oh for god sake . { Then he walks off}

{Jason’s read}

” Look, I don’t even know where I am anymore, am I on Earth or some other weird planet ?, cause that’s what it seems like ” .

{Then Leroy finds some leaf and pranks Jason with it by saying that it’s a key}

Leroy} Hey Jason, are you sure that this isn’t it ?. { Then he gives him the leaf}

{Then Jason turns around and sees the leaf} ” Omg, what the, what is that ?.

Leroy} I think we found the key .

Jason} Oh, get out of it, that’s not a bloody key, does that look like a key to you ?.

Leroy} Sort of, yeah, well, use it then .

Jason} Are you mad, a leaf to unlock the door, does your brain need examining ?.

Leroy} No Jason, I just found a leaf, and I’m loving it .

Jason} Oh, leave it out, Leroy . { Then he leaves Leroy}

Delsin} How the hell are we gonna find this key, where do you even keep it, in a bloody microwave ?.

Jason} No, where a normal person would store a key, not a bloody microwave, you have to be shitting me .

Delsin} No Jason, you are not normal, you are no where near to normal, you have the face of a mad person, and the heart of a cringy person and the mind of a phychopath, does that sound like normal to you, don’t think so .

Jason} Me, a phychopath ?, nah hah nah, you’re getting it all wrong, that maniac over there , tried to unlock a door with a leaf, who’s a phychopath now, huh ?.

Leroy} I am not a phychopath, who are you calling a phychopath ?, I read this for a fact and omg does it mess with your brain ?.

Jason} What bloody fact, that thing does mess with your brain because it’s 100 percent pure shite, not because it’s interesting and real .

Leroy} No but, it said it in a book, it said that you can use a leaf to open a door, but it’s better to use a banana leaf, because it gets thick when you put it in between the door, so that way it can open it, locksmiths use it all of the time .

Jason} No they bloody don’t .

Tucker} Guys, are we actually gonna find this key or are we just gonna sit here, being thick and stupid ?.

Jason} No, we are not finding this key, might as well just use a brick or something .

Tucker} But won’t you have to pay for the damages ?.

Jason} No, I’ll leave it to the rest of the Hackney Council to deal with .

End of mocumentary script .