In The City, Mocumentary Script, The Film Club

{First scene, Tucker is standing outside his house}

Tucker} Do you know what, I watched this really interesting documentary last night, and it was about this person who bought a few roles of loo roll and found out that her house was haunted, so one night, she woke up to go and get a glass of water and she noticed that the roles of loo roll were moving around and she felt the inside of her body go woop, in the end, the house wasn’t haunted, and all along, it was just a rat rustling behind it them, I literally couldn’t sleep for 5 hours after watching that, It was totally life changing, such a great documentary .

{Next scene, Everybody is in Jason’s office}

Delsin} You think this is funny, is this funny to you, huh, is it bloody funny, you laughing your guts out to shreads .

Jason} Delsin, shut up, do you want me to lock you outside ?.

Delsin} Yes I do, just so I could see your stupid face while you do it .

Tucker} Jason, what do you bloody want from us ?.

Jason} Well, I have a event that I’m gonna tell you about .

Tucker} What event is it ?.

Jason} Well, today I’m going to be hosting a film club .

Delsin} Why though ?.

Jason} What do you mean, ” Why though ?”, no there is no why though, because it’s gonna be lit .

Leroy} Jason, stop acting crusty, do you know what you sound like, you sound like a 80 year old Tick Tock star, don’t use the word lit .

Jason} But why, why can’t I use that word ?.

Leroy} It’s because you look like your face transplant was about to fall off, if you wanna say it, say it, just relax when you say it, you look like you’re about to fly through the ceiling .

Tucker} But hold on, why are you hosting a film club ?.

Jason} Well, I just thought that it would be a great idea to do something like this, residents would love this .

Delsin} Yeah in your world, not here though, nobody wants to sit for 5 hours just to stare and talk to a tv screen, cause you can get sectioned within 2 minutes, and the next thing you know, you’re in a asylum .

Jason} But don’t you like watching films, Delsin ?.

Delsin} I do, but not around brainless idiots, you’d just sit there for 4 seconds, and you’re out of there, I wouldn’t handle 2 minutes, let alone 5 hours .

{ Delsin’s read}

” I have nothing to say, to be honest, we have to do this bloody film club and it’s going to suck the life out of us, I don’t even know what film , we are gonna watch, I hope it’s something decent, if it’s not, god knows on what’s gonna happen to me .

{Jason’s read}

” So yeah, I thought that it would be fun if I could host a film club every Thursday, and we sort of had an incident last time with the book club, but it’s all covered now, and I replaced it with a film club, and I’m sure that another incident won’t happen again, well, I bloody hope it doesn’t, it probably won’t though, because like, it just entails watching a film and giving your unpopular opinions on it, so we’ll just let the film do the talking .

Jason} oh pull yourself together, Lawrence, we’re only gonna be watching a film and talking about it, that’s all there is to it .

Delsin} Look, mate, as far as I’m concerned, your whole life is a film, but instead it has no beginning, no middle, and no ending, it’s probably gonna be one of those shite films, that go round in circles and doesn’t tell a proper story .

Jason} Look, shut up, I’m telling you now, yeah, that my life isn’t a film, and it will never be .

Delsin} Are you sure, because it already is, and you might as well just grab some popcorn and a bloody Fanta, and sit through the 10 hour soap opera, because it’s not worth the watch .

{Tucker’s read}

” I have one big feeling that I’m gonna be watching a shit film, I bet it’s gonna be that one where, it’s just a bloke going up an escalator and it goes on for 10 hours straight, no one can sit through that, if you can, you’re not human, you’re an alien that came down from Mars or something, actually scratch that, even aliens will find it weird, you wanna know why, because aliens are more intelligent then us humans, us humans just drift along like tumbling tumbleweeds and don’t know where we are most of the time, but if you think about, it’s the other way round, because us humans are also aliens, so there’s definetly a barrier there ” .

Delsin} Can I just ask you something, are you actually gonna stay in the room this time, or are you just gonna shoot out, cause it’s an embarrassment .

Jason} Yes I will, I’m gonna stay in the room and host the club, I’m not gonna run out again, cause I almost attacked someone with a hard back book and it would of destroyed my career .

Delsin} Yeah well, you’re a buffoon .

Jason} Yes but it wasn’t my fault, the volunteers were being gits, I felt like I needed to anyway, what’s wrong with that ?, anyway, is anybody else joining the club ?.

Tucker} No, cause I’m sick and tired of putting up with your shit all of the time, so I’m going to stay at home and hunt for ghosts in the cellar .

Jason} Ok fine, Leroy, are you gonna come ?.

Leroy} No, but why are you acting like there’s a restraining order if I don’t turn up, are you gonna stand there, in the corner of the room, with a cowboy whip and attack me, no so I’m not coming .

Jason} Ok fine, then don’t come .

Delsin} Okey dokey, well I feel like I’ve been roped in, can I forth it as well ?.

Jason} No you can’t, too late, we need to go now, so I’m gonna do the set up and turn on the projecter, catch you gits on the flipside .

{Few minutes later, at the film club, everybody is sitting down}

Jason} Alright guys, thanks for coming, I hope you’re doing well, and welcome to film club, and today we’ll be watching a film called The Room and we’ll be sharing opinions on it, any questions ?.

Leroy} Um yes, do we have to share our opinions, because I don’t give a shit about anyone’s opinions, I’d rather apply for a opera class and just watch shit evolve around me, can’t stand it .

Jason} Oh, Leroy you made it, I thought that you didn’t wanna come .

Leroy} Yeah well, I only came because there are free snacks and Wifi, so .

Jason} Oh I see, anyway, let’s get started, lights, camera, action .

Delsin} Oh piss off .

{Then the projector turns on and the film plays}

Jason} Ok so, I just want you to watch 50 seconds of it, and I’d like you to tell me on what you think about it, ok ?.

Delsin} Get to the bloody point .

Jason} Alright, keep your hair on .

{A few minutes went past, and the film is still going on}

{Then everyone falls asleep, except for Amanda and Delsin}

Leroy} How long is this film, it has been playing for 5 hours ?.

Jason} No, it’s only been playing for 20 minutes .

{Then suddenly the screen flickers and a different film turns on, and it shows the clip of a guy going up an escalator and it goes on for 10 hour loop}

Delsin} Oh fuck this shit, I’m out .

Jason} No, sit the heck down . { Then he pulls him back down}

Delsin} No, I’m not sitting here, for 10 more hours, just watching this guy go up on an escalator, if you think I am, you must be out of your goddam mind .

{Then Leroy gets up} ” Hah, quality entertainment ” .

Jason} My god, what is going on ?, I need to turn it off, asap . { Then he goes to turn it off, then it suddenly switches to the why you coming fast ? video }

{ In the back round, the video plays} ” Why you coming fast, how you coming fast ?.

Jason} What the shit ?.

{ Jason’s read}

” I always thought that the day would come, me having an affair with a film projector and smashing the light out of it ” .

Leroy} Amateur hour, hah hah .

Jason} Leroy, shut up or I’ll smash your face in .

Delsin} You know what, why don’t we just get to the opinions part, because this ain’t gonna get anywhere .

Jason} Good idea, ok Delsin, did you like the film, what were your opinions on it ?.

Delsin} I don’t know what you want me to say, to be honest .

Jason} Ok, why is that ?.

Delsin} What do you mean, you showed me 4 minutes of the film and then you showed me a 10 hour clip of a guy going up an escalator and a guy going ape shit about a motorbike .

Jason} Well, I know, something was probably wrong with the projector, I’ll need to have a look at it .

Delsin} Hm em, fix it, I hope you bloody do .

Jason} Ok moving on, Amanda, what did you think ?.

Amanda} I thought that it was absolutely amazing, I loved every minute of it, so funny as well .

Jason} Really, that’s fantastic, did you take something ?.

Amanda} Yes I did, it was the Fanta .

Jason} Right, so you didn’t like it ?.

Amanda} Exactly, hated it, what a lot of bloody rubbish the whole thing .

Jason} Ok, cool, ok guys, film club is over, I’ll see you tomorrow, or not . { And he walked out}

{ Delsin’s read}

” What a bloody waste of time, I could of told you that we were gonna watch something absolutely terrible, made me vomit in my mouth, do you usually vomit in your mouth or does it rarely happen, it’s really weird ” . All of that gave me the indication to say that Jason is a full on phychopath, and the fact that he is my councillor, makes it 10 times worse ”

End of mocumentary script .