In The City, Mocumentary Script, The Driving Lesson

{First scene, Tucker’s standing near a bus stop}

Tucker} I always wondered on how the design of the bus was really stupid, ok first of all, a few miles away, it looks like a massive slipper, who’d wanna get around like that ?, I don’t know, you tell me .

{Next scene, Everybody’s in Jason’s office}

Delsin} Oh my, what, what word would you use to describe for what happened there ?.

Jason} Well I, I’m gonna talk to you about something .

Delsin} Ok, then don’t waste time, say it now .

Jason} Ok so, Tucker’s gonna have his first driving lesson .

{Delsin starts slow clapping} ” woo, well done, let’s all celebrate, champagne, anyone ?.

Jason} Delsin,  why aren’t you happy and excited for him ?.

Delsin} Oh I’m sorry, I’m not gonna go all in on celebrating for Tucker, what’s the point ?.

Jason} Delsin, have you ever drove a car before ?.

Delsin} Yes I have, I am very ok with sharing my story, and letting it worm it’s way in your life and derail it .

Jason} Ok , would it be ok if you can share it with us ?.

Delsin} Of course, so, I got in a car, and it crashed into another car, and then a ginger cat suddenly ran in the road .

Jason} Oh dear, well, that’s awful .

Delsin} Yeah, long story short, I hate driving .

Jason} Well luckily, you are not gonna be the one driving, it’s Tucker’s go .

Delsin} Well, I don’t care if it’s my go or not, a car is still called a car , it’s not called a flipping toilet .

Jason} Alright then, we might as well just get started, Tucker, I’m gonna let you borrow my car .

Tucker} Ok cool, whatever .

Jason} Guys, would you like to come with us ?.

Delsin} Ok, we’ll come, but only if you are gonna pay us .

Jason} Are you joking or something, me paying you, you don’t pay people to get in cars .

Leroy} Yeah, but then again, Taxis innit ?.

Jason} Yeah, but neither of us is a taxi driver, I’m just taking Tucker for a drive, and that’s all there is to it .

Leroy} I’ll come, if that’s fine with you ?.

Jason} Yeah, that’s fine, you can come, Delsin ?.

Delsin} Alright fine, but if you start playing crappy tunes on the radio, I’ll be out of there .

Jason} I’m not gonna play crappy tunes on the radio, just go .

Delsin} Alright, keep your hair on .

{ They get in the car}

Tucker} Woah, this is sick .

Delsin} This is lame .

Jason} Alright Jeremy Clarkson, just sit back and be patient .

Delsin} Ok fine .

Tucker} How the hell do I back up ?.

Delsin} You press the god damn button .

Jason} Delsin, last warning .

Delsin} Alright Daddy, I don’t need any input from you, you are a chippy oik, and I’ve had a belly full of you .

Jason} Ok, one more time, and I’ll kidnap you and lock you in the boot .

Delsin} Well that is scary, did you hear that Tucker, he said he’s gonna kidnap me .

Tucker} Delsin, not now, I’m focusing on diversion .

Jason} Why don’t we put on some tunes ?.

Tucker} That is a good idea .

{ Puts on the radio, then Persian Market plays}

Delsin} Omg Jason, where did you find this song ?.

Jason} No idea, I think the radio is playing up, I’ll fix it later .

Delsin} uh huh, you better fix it .

{ Tucker’s read}

” So yeah, I’m having my very first driving lesson, which is good but also shit .

{They are crashing and swerving the car every where}

Delsin} My god, what are you doing, Tucker, stop driving down there .

Tucker} Can you just bloody stop that ?.

Jason} Guys, what the hell is going on ?.

{ Then Tucker swerved down the road like mad}

Leroy} This is a bloody nightmare .

{ Leroy’s read}

” If I had one moment to scar myself, it would definetly be watching Tucker drive the car , it was a nightmare .’

{ Then they stopped driving}

{Then , Leroy started singing Persian Market }

Leroy starts singing gibberish} ” Huh shee huh shee, daaaaaaa , ahh .

Tucker} Leroy, stop singing the song .

Delsin} Did he pass ?.

Jason} No, failed .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Oh for god sake, I don’t even care if I don’t have a license, I’m just gonna steal the car , and have Leroy hanging out of the car boot singing Persian Market . That’s my dream life goal .

Jason} What the heck, Tucker, you damaged my car .

Tucker} Why do you care ?, you can buy a new one .

Jason} And how would I do that ?.

Tucker} You have money, you can get apply for a new job, one where you don’t have to talk to people for a living .

Jason} I am not loaded .

Tucker} Then make the money , innit ?, cause the job’s shit .

Jason} What do you have against Councilling ?.

Tucker} Nothing, I just hate it .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Jason needs to dig himself out of the mud, he needs to get a better job, get a different brain, you know, don’t get a job that will tornado kick you in the groin , oh yeah, it’s too late, he’s already been tornado kicked in the groin , my bad .

Delsin} When you are right you’re right, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong .

Jason} I didn’t even say anything .

Delsin} Can I please finish my sentence ?.

Jason} Yes you can, yes you can, for god sake .

Delsin} You are going to back off , as I was saying .

Jason} Omg, can somebody just drag us out of this car ?.

{ Jason’s read}

” What the hell is happening today, firstly, everybody crashed my car, secondly, I’m stuck with these 3 lunatics, now Leroy’s harranging me with Persian Market, please end .

Leroy} Jason, would it be ok if I could borrow the car for the weekend ?.

Jason} You know what, no of course you bloody can’t , can’t you see the state that I am in ?, and you are asking to borrow my car .

Delsin} Jason, look at my face .

{Jason turns around and looks at Lawrence}

Delsin} Lend Leroy the bloody car, and shut your cake hole . { He said speed up}

Jason} Why would I lend him the car, don’t wanna make myself look stupid .

Tucker} Well, to be honest, you already do, by screaming like a mad person .

Jason} Oh for god sake . { Then he runs out of the car}

{Leroy makes a noise to represent a fail}

End of Mocumentary script .