In The City, Mocumentary Script, The Draft Problem

{First scene, Tucker is walking outside}

Tucker} Am I the only person who thinks that aliens are real ?, I think that they are real, and I do think that there is a life on Mars, and if you disagree or say that I’m taking the piss, I am officially going to kick you and send you flying up to to space, and you ain’t gonna be coming back down, oh no, you can stay there, no rocket involved, so, you ready to take that risk , hm ?, ok, I suppose not, ok, you can go now .

{Next scene, Everybody is in Jason’s office, and Delsin is sneaking through Jason’s folder of files}

Jason} Delsin, what are you doing, are you going through my folder ?.

Delsin} Yes, do you have a problem with that ?.

Jason} No but, I don’t want the papers all getting mixed up , can you get your needy paws off, please .

{ Delsin puts his hands up} ” Woah ok, I surrender .

{ Then he walks off} ” Oh, man in the jumper got a problem .

Jason} Hey, I heard that .

Delsin} Yeah, whatever .

Tucker} Jason, why did you bring us here ?.

Jason} Well, um, I need to talk to you about a certain problem that has been going around .

Delsin} Omg, what problem do you have, you are like the man of all of the problems, you just wouldn’t let them go .

Leroy} Yeah, are you here to waste our time here or what ?.

Jason} I’m not here to waste your time, I have an actual problem that I need to share with you .

Delsin} Well then, just tell us .

Jason} Ok, so there’s a draft in the office .

Tucker} A draft ?.

Delsin} What draft , is it one where you get shit blocked in your head and you need something to get it all out ?, is that what this is ?.

Jason} No it’s not, I don’t know on why that comes to mind, it’s a problem with the air conditioning unit, does that sound like shit blocking up in your brain ?.

Delsin} It can sound like that without you trying to make it sound like that, it’s the same thing, either way, it’s borderline bullshit, those are my words for you .

Jason} Well, there has been a problem with the air conditioning unit and I’m calling somebody to come and fix it, is that too much to ask for ?.

Delsin} No it’s not, but maybe you can ask us to do it .

Jason} Really ?.

Delsin} No, are you kidding, I don’t want to do that, that’s the last thing I’d want to do, if I had 5 hours to live, I wouldn’t fix your air conditioning unit, I’m sorry but, that’s how things are .

{ Delsin’s read}

” This is just great, isn’t it, I have to put up with a  bloody job, and it’s not just any old job, it’s a bloody air conditioning unit, I just want to get in a car and drive off, honestly .

Delsin} If you think that this important and interesting, you deal with it .

Jason} It has to be done, we can’t live with a broken air con .

Delsin} This isn’t a problem, but maybe if you get sucked into one, then that would be a real problem, I bet you can’t see the difference between the two .

Jason} Oh for god sake, you know what, watch this, I’m gonna go and do it myself . { Then he goes to take the contraption apart}

Then in his mind, he sees Shake Hands but he thinks that he’s just seeing things, but he’s not, he’s actually there

{So he slides his head in the vent}

Shake Hands} Shake Hands !!!!!! .

Jason} Ahhhhh, { Then he walks away from it} ” Yeah, someone else can do it, I’m not doing that, no way .

Leroy} What happened ?.

Jason} I don’t even know, I think somebody is hiding the vent .

Leroy} Nah, don’t be silly, I’ll show you, see, there’s nothing there . { Then he takes a look inside}

The person} Rahhhh, Shake hands !!! .

Leroy} Ahhhhhhhhhh, yep, you are right, there is somebody in there, and I swear that he looks familiar .

Tucker} What does he look like ?.

Leroy} Massive leather jacket, and I don’t know what he’s doing there, he barely fits in the vent, it’s almost like he’s bouncing off of the metal, my god, that man is so dense, light has to bend around him .

Tucker} Oh god, not Shake hands again, how does he know where we live ?.

Leroy} I don’t know, you tell me, I didn’t give out the address , so .

{Tucker, Jason and Lawrence look at Leroy}

Leroy} Oh shit, I totally forgot that I gave him my email address, remember that day, when he hijacked the taxi, omg, what am I doing ?.

Jason} You need to get rid of it before he suddenly brings all of his belongings and live in the vent, we can’t carry on like this, do you want to have a hand crashing man living in a vent ?.

Leroy} No I don’t, but we can have him as a vent man .

Jason} A vent man ?, you must be sick .

Leroy} No like, he can be the security that looks after the vent system .

Jason} Are you bloody joking ?, I’m not having a man like him, hovering over us, if you want that to happen, you can go to hill and go down .

Leroy} Why you shouting me ?, no good, man .

Jason} Get out, get out, now . { Then he walks in the corner and throws a spoon}

Delsin} Oh shit, he’s got a spoon, run !!! .

{ Then they run out}

{Tucker’s read}

” What a waste of a day, honestly, what a waste .

End of Mocumentary script .