In The City, Mocumentary Script, The Book Club

{First scene, Tucker is walking outside}

Tucker} Did I tell you about this place that we had, ok so, over there, we used to have a library and a lot of people would go and read, and so, once, somebody went inside the library and talked quite loudly and the librarian told him to be quiet and the person ran up to the librarian and proceeded to attack him with a dictionary, and, they saw it as assault, so they sectioned the guy and they had to close .

{Next scene, Everybody is in Jason’s office}

Delsin} Jason, what the hell do you think that this is ?.

Jason} Nothing, I just brang you here, because I’m going to tell you something .

Tucker} What do you want to tell us ?.

Jason} Well, I’m going to be throwing a book club event today .

Delsin} A book club, when will you ever run out of ideas ?.

Jason} Don’t you guys like reading ?.

Tucker} I do like reading, but a club, no thank you .

Delsin} What’s the point of having a club if you are going to be reading a book ?.

Jason} Well, apparently, some people like working with others .

Delsin} Yeah, and I don’t, does that mean anything to you ?.

Jason} No it doesn’t, no .

Leroy} Who’s gonna be participating in the book club ?.

Jason} Well, we have a few people, but it’s a surprise, you have to wait and see .

Leroy} That’s just shit, to be honest .

Jason} Why is it shit ?.

Leroy} Who’d want to read a paper with words that mean absolutely nothing to anyone, and facing a person in the face and seeing it turn to stone ?.

Jason} Well that’s not true, book clubs are fun, I think that it will give the community a chance to feel confident and share their opinions with others that they don’t know.

Leroy} I doubt that nobody would want to do that, lets face it .

Jason} What has your opinion got to do with their opinions, they don’t even add up .

Delsin} No, they probably do, but your one doesn’t, that’s the thing .

{ Delsin’s read}

” If Jason forces us to participate in book club, I am going to get a book and shit in it, and deliver it to his door , and then I’d charge him 50 quid for it, and I think that he well deserves it, I wouldn’t feel guilty, uh uh, I’d sit there with my popcorn and my Fanta and laugh my head off ”

Jason} What’s your problem ?.

Delsin} Oh, what’s my problem, huh ?, I bet that you’d think that I’d go along with a book club and sit there, dazing in the sky, thinking, ” Life just take me away ”,  cause that’s what I’m gonna do, just sitting there thinking, ” Oh, it’s a herbal life ”, what are you bloody thinking ?.

Jason} What the hell are you talking about ?.

Delsin} You know full well, that I’m not  gonna sit and read the book while watching the shit hitting against the wind .

Jason} Look, just get a book and bounce, ok, I haven’t got time for your bullshit .

Delsin} Ok then, what ever you say .

{A few minutes later, they are at the book club}

Jason} Ok guys, welcome to book club, it’s nice seeing you here today, hope you’re doing well .

Delsin} Jason, get a move on .

Jason} Delsin, keep your mouth shut, otherwise I’ll have to cancel book club, sorry guys, I’m kind of rambling on, and the minutes are passing .

Delsin} Yes, because it’s only been a few minutes in, and you are still talking rubbish .

Jason} Delsin, please, if you don’t shut up, I’m gonna smash your face in with this book .

Delsin} Ok, he’s uptight, isn’t he ?.

Jason} Yes, I’m going to keep calm and get through this bloody soap opera, anyway, so today, we are gonna read a book called, Harry Potter And The Philosopher Stone, and this book looks quite interesting, don’t you think ?.

Delsin} No it doesn’t, looks stupid to me .

Jason} And why is that ?.

Delsin} Because, firstly, you can’t ride on a broom stick, it’s impossible, you’ll just drift along like a tumbling tumbleweed and end up like Catweazle, which is absolutely pointless, if you ask me .

Jason} Right, it’s just a book, just gonna remind you, none of it is real .

Delsin} What ?.

Jason} Anyway, there’s also another thing that I’m going to share, and that is, that we have a new face in book club, introducing , Amanda .

Amanda} Amanda Rose, it’s Amanda Rose .

Jason} Ok, so, she’s gonna be joining us today, Amanda, how are you enjoying your first day at book club ?.

Amanda} I don’t know, shit .

Jason} Oh really, how comes ?.

Amanda} Because, it stinks here, when was the last time you painted the place, I think you have mold .

Jason} Ok, enough of that, ok, let’s get reading, shall we, ok, who would like to start ?, you over there, would you like to start it off, and we’ll follow after you .

Random volunteer} Ok, { Then starts reading}, once upon a time, there was a …… .

{ Jason’s read}

” Yeah, I thought that it would be a great idea that I’d host my own book club every Wednesday , I think that it’ll give the residents a chance to get confident and to engage with others ” .

{ Delsin’s read}

” I honestly don’t know what I’m getting myself into, absolute waste of time , and I bet that Jason has never touched a book in his life” .

Jason} Ok, thank you so much, very good reading, I actually got goosebumps from listening to that, don’t you agree ?.

Amanda} No, that’s just bloody creepy .

Jason} Well, it’s a good expression for readers, a lot of people and kids have it .

Amanda} No, you wouldn’t get goosebumps if you were high, if you were high or drunk, you would appreciate it more .

Jason} No, that’s very absurd, I’m sure that people enjoy it, either way .

Amanda} No, that is wrong .

Jason} Also, this book is very fulfilled, and it kind of restores my faith in humanity .

Amanda} What do you mean, it restores your faith in humanity, you had no faith in humanity, to start with .

Jason} No, that’s not true .

Amanda} Yes it is true, you just got scammed, they don’t teach you that in school, don’t they ?.

Jason} Oh for god sake, { Then he flips and shouts at everyone} ” You think you know more about the books, then I do, huh , why don’t  you start the book club, start with a presentation or two, and while you’re at it, yeah, why not chase me with a brick in a pillowcase, or maybe not a brick, but a pillowcase with hard back books and then find somebody to beat the shit out of them with it .

Amanda} I don’t want to start the book club, what bloody presentation, you want me to read and make eye contact with these idiots, they don’t want to read books, they wanna go home and wash the windows, and do the bloody wax on , wax off .

Jason} Yes they do, why did they come, then ?.

{ Meanwhile, Tucker is walking outside}

Tucker} Yeah, I actually don’t even know why people even go to book clubs, just a waste of air, you wanna sign up for 3 hours a day of talking to a book and a wall, I don’t know who you are .

{The next day of book club}

Jason} I am so satisfied by your description of  this book , it took me by surprise, did anybody else enjoy reading the book ?, that’s great .

Amanda} Um, Jason, can I just tell you something, I actually got so much inspiration from all of you reading books, that I decided to write my own story .

Jason} Oh really, that’s fantastic, Amanda, I’m glad that you got some inspiration, have you finished it, or, are you still writing it ?.

Amanda} Um no, it’s actually finished, I can read it if you want ?.

Jason} Ok, I’m not forcing you, but, you can if you feel like it .

Amanda} Ok, should I read it now ?.

Jason} Yeah, whenever you are ready .

Amanda} Ok, so this is called, The Murder In The Fridge, by Amanda Rose . { Then she starts reading} Once upon a time, there was a man called Fred, and he also had a cat called Jim, and he didn’t like his cat but he had to live with it, and he just kept on getting pissed off . ” Meow Meow ” Meowed the cat, ” Shut the hell up ” shouted Fred, ” reeeeeee”, shouted the cat, ” If you don’t shut up , I’m going to kick you so hard up the ass ”, Fred said, ” Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ”, screamed the cat , ” Right, that’s it ”, Fred shouted, as he got so angry that he booted the cat so hard that it flew in the fridge, and then he thought that he saw a weird looking thing in the fridge, so he looked in the fridge, ” Omg, what the hell ?”, he whispered, but the cat didn’t respond because it was massively concussed, and in the end, there wasn’t a murder in the fridge, it was just a massive block of cheese, that looks like a murder, ” oh, so it wasn’t a murder, you were winding me up, the entire time ”, said Fred, and the cat just sat there, pointlessly looking at him like he was nuts, in the end, he couldn’t get the cat out of the fridge, so he just left him there . The End .

Jason} Right, thanks for that, Amanda, very nice story, indeed . { Then he tries not to laugh}

{Jason’s read}

” This the day that I found out, that Amanda is a living phycho, god help us all, and that story will haunt me in my sleep , this is the day that will haunt me forever ” .

Amanda} Was anybody shocked when they found out that the murder in the fridge, turned out to be a block of cheese, cause I was, and I was the one who wrote it .

{Silence}

Amanda} Do you guys have any questions ?.

{Silence}

Jason} I’m sorry, but would you like to stay here with me after book club, we can have a chat about this, is that alright ?.

Amanda} Alright fine .

{ A few minutes later, it shows Amanda in a seprate room with Jason, and she is reading him one of her stories}

Amanda} Right so, I’ve got 2 stories, I have got, The murder on the toilet, or the murder in the dry cleaners ?.

{Jason’s read}

” So yeah, I’ve had a chat with Amanda and I’ve come up with an interesting plan, I have agreed to set up a private book club that will only include me and her, cause she has a little social dilemma sort of issue, and every time she’s around someone, she turns into Norman Bates, which is not something that we allow in this borough ” .

End of mocumentary script .