In The City, Mocumentary Script, Kids

{First scene, Tucker is doing parkour}

Tucker} Every time I do parkour I just get Matt Hancock vibes, I have no idea on why that occurs to me but the image is just stuck in my head .

{Next scene, Everybody’s in Jason’s office}

Delsin} Why do you keep dragging us here ?, is this just a trick to leur us in ?.

Jason} No, I bring you here for a reason .

Delsin} Well, what’s the reason ?.

Jason} The reason doesn’t matter .

Delsin} What is the reason ?.

Jason} Just stop it .

{Silence}

Delsin} I am not leaving this office until you tell me the reason .

Jason} Ok, well maybe if you shut your mouth, I’ll tell you the reason .

Delsin} Oh, you want some ?.

Leroy} Can you just shut up, let Jason speak .

Jason} Thank you, Leroy, so today we are gonna be working with kids .

Tucker} Kids ?, I’m sorry, did you say Kids ?.

Jason} Yes I did, yes .

Delsin} Omg, man .

Leroy} Is this some sort of a dream ?.

Jason} No, I wouldn’t make up stuff like that, would I ?.

Delsin} Well yes, because you are the biggest fantasist I have ever met , so there you go .

Jason} I’m sorry Delsin, why am I a fantasist ?.

Delsin} Oh, you’re asking me, now , woah , you shouldn’t do that .

Jason} Well no, you called me a fantasist, why is that ?.

Delsin} Because you are, Period .

Tucker} He’s got a point there .

Jason} No he hasn’t, ok, I’m not a fantasist, if I was a fantasist, I wouldn’t tell you about whatever this thing we’re doing is called .

Delsin} Oh but, see this is the thing, why do you want us to do this, you wanna turn us into councillors too ?.

Jason} No, of course not , why would I do that ?.

Delsin} Why are you making us work with kids for ?.

Jason} Well, I think it’s good for mental health .

Delsin} Oh my god, you talk so much shite , what do you want us to do, teach it how to say bananas , or how to do bloody break dancing ?.

Jason} No, none of the following, I just want you to have a nice time .

Tucker} Yeah, with kids .

Delsin} I’m sorry Jason, sorry to interrupt, how can we have a nice time playing with kids , they don’t even know how to talk .

Jason} As far as I’m concerned, you can have all sorts of fun .

Delsin} Nope, nope, nope, .

Tucker} What are we even gonna be doing ?.

Jason} You are going to be interacting with the children .

Delsin} Heh heh, I think you’re missing something, mate .

Jason} No, absolutely not, I think you’ll be having a great time .

Tucker} No we won’t, and don’t do that thing where you leave us alone in the room with the kids, cause somebody’s gonna turn into Godzilla , ok .

Jason} I’m sorry, have you ever played with kids before ?.

Tucker} Of course I have, and it’s an experience that everybody has in their shitty lives .

Jason} Why does it seem bad to you ?.

Tucker} You can ask my brother , Leroy .

Leroy} I’m not your brother .

Jason} If this seems like such a problem to you, why don’t you tell me detail by detail on what happened ?.

Tucker} Ok well, the first time I played with kids, I got whacked in the face by a 5 year old .

Jason} Well, it’s not the child’s fault .

Tucker} Oh, it’s not the child’s fault, so you say, a child is allowed to attack people and other kids, and not go inside for GBH .

Jason} Well, they can’t, they are kids, they are bound to do stuff like that, they don’t know any better .

Delsin} Oh ok, so you’re saying that if I attack Tucker, I’d not get arrested for that .

Jason} No, no, no, that’s a different ball game .

Delsin} Bloody hell, that makes no sense, .

Jason} Oh but you see, you are an adult, you know well enough that you shouldn’t be doing it, and you’re responsible for it .

Delsin} Oh, so I’m responsible for a drop of blood , who made up these stupid rules ?.

Tucker} If that is real, the world must be in a stupid place at the moment , and you’re bound to live in that world .

Jason} Oh for goodness sake, can we please just get going ?.

{ Then they are walking out of the office}

Leroy} I can’t believe that we are doing this .

Jason} Leroy, loosen up .

Leroy} Why should I loosen up, I don’t even like kids, it’s like talking to horses .

Jason} That’s a little bit too far fetched .

Leroy} No, if you don’t know on what I mean, get your head out of the clouds .

{ Leroy’s read}

” So yeah, today we have to work with kids, um, why do we have to do this today ?.

{ Few minutes later, Everybody’s outside with the kids}

Jason} Ok guys, so here are the kids .

Kid} Hello .

Kid} Hi .

Lawrence} Um, hello .

Jason} Ok so, this is Lawrence, Leroy and Tucker, do you wanna say hello ?.

Kid} Hello .

Jason} And they are called Daisy and Jack .

Lawrence} Oh ok, Jason, hurry up and move on .

Jason} Ok so, you guys are gonna be playing tennis , together .

Tucker} Tennis ?, what a great game to play if you want to poke your eyeballs out .

Jason} Come on, Tucker, just play along, it will end .

Tucker} Fine .

Jason} Ok, you can start playing , when ever you’re ready .

Leroy} Okey dokey .

Jason} Have fun, kids , hah hah, I love kids .

{ Then he walks off}

Tucker} Christ, what do we even do now ?.

Leroy} Just throw the ball , but not too hard .

Tucker} What, like this ?. { Then he throws the ball and hits Leroy on the head}

Leroy} No, not like that you idiot, more softly .

Lawrence} Ok, Tucker, if you don’t know on how to do it , just lend me the ball .

Tucker} Ok fine, here you go . { Lends Lawrence the ball}

Lawrence} Ok, so you run like this, and gather the ball , and go like that . { Then he runs away with the ball}

Tucker} What’s this ?, oh for god sake, where’s he gone ?.

Leroy} Can’t bloody believe this, stupid tennis game .

{Then Jason returns}

Jason} Hey guys, how’s it going ?, having fun ?.

Tucker} No, that’s not the exact word that I’m looking for .

Jason} That’s unessary , where’s Lawrence ?.

Tucker} I don’t know, he ran away like a lunatic .

Jason} Oh for goodness sake .

Jason} And are the kids having fun ?.

Tucker} I don’t know, don’t ask me, I’m not MR Tumble .

{Lawrence’s read}

” If live gives you a stupid reason to play tennis, just run away with the tennis ball, why ?, because why not ?, you know, you’re not gonna be giving a reason to play along, so just do as you please .

{Then Lawrence comes back}

Jason} Oh Lawrence, you came back .

Lawrence} Well yes, otherwise I’d stay away for the rest of my life .

Leroy} Well, what’s next on the agenda ?.

Jason} Well, we’re gonna a balancing game .

Tucker} A balancing game ?.

Jason} Yes, do you like playing balancing games ?.

Tucker} No, not exactly .

Jason} Ok .

{ Next scene, they are gathering around for the next game}

Jason} So this is the next game .

Tucker} What is this, Limbo or something ?.

Jason} No it’s not .

Tucker} So what do you do , then, just spin round in circles, and make your stomach go ape shit ?.

Jason} No, .

Tucker} This is a farce .

{Tucker’s read}

” I am not very fond with games , myself, but that doesn’t mean that Jason could harrang us with them .

Jason} Look, why don’t you just get the pole and piss off .

Tucker} hwwww, ok then, your wish is my command . { Walks }

Jason} That’s it, that’s it, get it and go .

{Tucker picks up the pole and runs off}

Tucker} This is sparta !!!! .

Leroy} What the heck is going on ?.

Jason} Do I look like I know ?.

{ Tucker’s read}

” The pole is in my hands, now it’s my time to carry on my voyage .

Jason} Can you just get Lawrence, where the hell is he ?.

{Lawrence comes back}

Lawrence} Oh for goodness sake, guys, what is this ?.

Jason} I don’t bloody know .

Lawrence} Do you know that Tucker is doing a rampage ?.

Jason} No I do not bloody know that .

Lawrence} What are you even doing ?.

Jason} Playing a game, of course, does it look like I’m doing the Tango ?.

Lawrence} Well, can I give it a go ?.

Jason} Yes, go ahead .

{Lawrence picks up the pole and stands there in silence}

Lawrence} Wow, this is, oh for god sake, { Then he ran off}

Jason} Where are the kids ?.

Leroy} They’re still here, they’re just over there , sitting on a bench .

Jason} Oh my, I’m so fed up about this . { Then he runs off to talk to the kids}

{Next scene, Jason is talking to the kids}

Jason} Look, I am so sorry about all of this .

{Leroy’s read}

” Watching Jason talk to kids is just like watching failure take over your life, some times you just look at him and think ” What the hell is he thinking ? ” .

Lawrence} What are you even doing ?.

Jason} I’m talking to the kids .

Lawrence} No, you are talking at a wall , please stop, this is disturbing the future generations .

{ Tucker’s read}

” If anybody forces me to play a game with 2 5 years olds, I’ll chase them with a garden pole .

Lawrence} Jason, if you force me to play with 5 year olds again, I swear to god, I will tear you from the inside and turn you inside out .

Jason} Lawrence, please, bugger off, now’s not the time .

Lawrence} Ok , whatever you want . { Then he walks off}

End of Mocumentary script .