Behind The Looking Glass Script, The Hunt For The Mystery Suspect

[Craig is on the phone to his wife}

Craig} I told you not to call me at work , bloody hell, what do you mean ?, the bread is in the cupboard , this is not the right time , I’ll talk to you later , bye .

David} Who was that ?.

Craig} Oh, it’s my wife .

David} What did she want ?.

Craig} None of your business, this is my life .

David} I never knew that you were married .

Craig} Well, you don’t need to know, it’s my business, keep it as that , ok, thank you .

Collin} Hello .

David} Ah, you scared me .

Craig} Don’t worry, he does this every day .

David} Why are you here , have you got us some more news , if you do, I am not getting rid of another spider .

Collin} What the hell was up with yesterday ?.

Craig} What do you mean ?, what happened , yesterday ?.

David} Oh, I think he meant the spider thing .

Craig} Oh yeah , that was epic .

Collin} No it wasn’t , I’m still recovering from it .

David} Yeah, it was like a turantula .

Craig} David, we don’t have turantulas here in London .

David} Don’t we ?, I thought we did .

Craig} We are not in Australia , get your head out of the clouds .

Collin} I need you to do another job , today .

David} What are we gonna do, today ?.

Collin} I need you go on a trip to go and catch a suspect , there is a crime going on .

David} Oh ok, is this an actual crime , are you sure that this is not something that includes finding a boot ?.

Craig} Yeah, are you playing games with us, again ?.

Collin} No, just go and do as I tell you .

{ Craig and David is outside }

David} Woah, what is this ?.

Craig} I can’t believe we are gonna be using a car .

David} Yeah , this is gonna be the best day ever .

Craig} Yeah, what are we waiting for ?, let’s get in and try it out .

David and Craig get in the car}

David} Woah, this is sick .

Craig} Yeah, we have a radio too .

David} Yeah, every car has a radio , it isn’t special .

Craig} Yeah, we can listen to tunes , though .

David} There has to be something fishy about this car, like if there’s this chair that ejects and sucks us through .

Craig} David, have you ever drove a car , before ?.

David} Yes, I haven’t tried it in a long time, I should be picking it up again .

Craig} Ok, don’t crash the car .

David} Craig, I don’t drink drive, you have nothing to worry about , let’s not get at each other’s throats, let’s just have a nice trip .

Craig} We are not going on a nice trip , we are here to catch a suspect .

David} Yeah, I know .

Craig} I’m gonna turn on the radio, listen to some tunes .

{ turns on the radio and plays 45 by Corner Shop }

Craig} Oh, tune { Starts nodding his head }

David} Oh not this song, why does it have to be today ?.

Craig} Forty Five !!!!!! ,{ then starts humming}

David} No, somebody just get me out of here .

Craig} Ok, we need to swerve down the other side .

David} Oh finally, the song ended .

{ Persian Market plays}

Craig sings gibberish}

David} Oh bloody hell, forget this, what next ?.. { Gets bored and fed up}

Craig} Wait, who’s that ?.

David} That isn’t the suspect, he’s carrying loaves of Greek bread and olives .

Craig} No, it isn’t, he’s carrying a sack of potatoes .

David} Does it matter right at this moment ?.

Craig} No .

David} What place are we supposed go to find this person ?.

Craig} I have no idea, Collin never gave us the details ,

David} Do we have anything to help us with directions ?.

Craig} No, I don’t have Google maps .

David} Well, this is just great { Says sarcastically }

Craig} I think we should go down here .

{David starts raging at the driver in front of him}

David} Get out of the bloody way !!!!, Move !!! .

Driver} Slow down !!!! .

David} Oh shut up .

Craig} David, what is this ?.

David} It’s a thing called driving .

Craig} Ok .

{Collin rings David and Craig}

David} Hello .

Collin} Where the hell are you ?.

David} Oh hi Collin, nice day outside, isn’t it ?.

Craig} Yeah, it’s lovely , wish you were here .

David} Why are you calling us ?.

Collin} Where are you ?.

David} We are driving , outside .

Collin} I know that you are driving , of course I know that, did you catch the suspect yet ?.

David} No, how do we even know on what he or she looks like ?.

Craig} Yeah, you sent us down here without any instructions , what is that, exactly ?.

Collin} Well, I’m gonna let you figure them out, yourselves , ok bye .

David} Oh , so you are just gonna let us crumble and die , hello, hello .

David} Bloody hung up .

Craig} What do we do , now ?.

David} No idea, we have to get out of all this shit { points at the traffic jam}

Craig} Shall we put on some more tunes ?.

David} No, if you put on something much worse then Persian Market or 45 again , I’m gonna kill you .

Craig} Ok , I wonder who that girl is, over there .

David} No, don’t go over there .

{ Craig walks and says hello to a girl}

Craig} Hey, need a ride ?.

David} uhhhh , { Exhales and groans}

Craig} Hey David, .

David} Why are you so happy ?.

Craig} I got the girl’s number .

David} Oh, good for you .

Craig} Yeah, she wants to go on a date with me .

David} Wow, cool .

Craig} Have you noticed any sign of a criminal yet ?.

David} No, not yet .

Craig} Oh look, there’s a person standing there .

David} Craig, get in the bloody car , now, if you start a conversation , that’s it .

{ Craig talking to the person }

Craig} Hello, it’s a nice day , today .

David} help us all, just drag me out of this world .

{A few minutes later }

{They got back to the department}

Collin} Where have you guys been ?.

David} What do you mean ?, you bloody sent us out .

Craig} I’m not complaining , I just got asked out .

Collin} Did you catch the suspect ?.

David} No, you didn’t tell us who it was .

Craig} We drive round in circles , and David got annoyed every time I played the radio .

David} Yeah, because the songs were shit .

Craig} Yeah, the only good thing, was that a girl asked me out .

David} Craig, what do you mean  ” A girl asked me out ”, you asked her out .

Craig} Same thing .

David} No, you might of had it good, I had to dance to sound of Collin’s flute , hated it .

Craig} I got you a gift, Collin .

Collin} What did you get ?.

{ Craig hands Collin the Greek bread}

Collin} Omg, what is this ?.

Craig} It’s a loaf of Greek bread .

Collin} Thanks .

{David and Craig laughing}

Collin} Omg, why is it blue and green inside ?.

David} That’s because, It’s old , it’s been here for 6 weeks .

Collin} err, disgusting , just wait on what job I’m giving you , tomorrow .

Craig} It better be superior .

David} Is it ?.

Collin} I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise .

End of script