A Struggling Writer Who Has A Mental Breakdown Script 2

{Warning, this script contains strong language and adult humor}

{ Richard is called back into the councillor’s office due to another one of his mental breakdowns}

The councillor} Richard, what are you doing here ?. I thought we had discussed this yesterday .

Richard} You know what, mate, I couldn’t give a shit, I’m so sick of trying .

The councillor} Did you submit your work ?.

Richard} Yes I did .

The councillor} What did they say ?.

Richard} They said that it was too long, it should be less than thirty five words .

The councillor} That’s it ?. I thought they would of critiqued your whole scripts. You know what they’re like, rejection is a pain in the arse . As long as they didn’t say that your script was crap, then that’s alright .

Richard} Yeah no, they also said it was shit, they said it was boring, slow and that it was poor and lazy writing .

The councillor} That’s absolute nonsense. That was one of the most ingaging scripts I have ever heard. It was entriguing .

Richard} Hah, I’ll let you be the judge of that .

The councillor} No really. You’ve got a knack for it, you should keep doing it .

Richard} I don’t have the patience, you bloody . The stories are shit, man. Even I feel like I’m going into a fucking gulag just by typing in the first bloody draft .

The councillor} You shouldn’t feel like that though, you should be entrigued. Anyway, you can’t impress everyone .

Richard} You’re bloody well right, you are. I had to show this geezer one of my plays .

The councillor} What play is it ?.

Richard} It was the one about the man who lives in a tunnel. He said ” What the bloody hell is that ?”, I said that he was hiding from his wife. He goes why ?, and I said ” Because he’s been driven mad by her ”. At this point, she doesn’t even know she has a husband. He’s spent his whole life living in a tunnel .

The councillor} Hm interesting, interesting. So um, do you have any other ideas for stories ?.

Richard} Yeah, I have these other ideas, they came to me yesterday . Um, there’s this one about this man who thinks that his wife is a lighthouse, saying that she’s his bright lights, but that doesn’t really mean that she’s a lighthouse, and then there’s this other one about this boy who believes that his dad is Rick Flair. There’s another one about this girl who forms an unlikely bond with a sailer. Tells her the stories about what it’s like being on rough seas. Um, everyone thinks that the sailer is her dad, at least that’s what they think anyway, no one really knows the full story .

The councillor} Oh alright, cool .

Richard} Do you wanna know what the sailer said to the girl ?.

The councillor} Um no, I don’t think I’d want to .

Richard} He said ” Sheeeeeee, oh I do love to sail amongst the rough seas, come sail away !!!! ”. { He sings}

The councillor} Alright, Richard, I got it, I got it .

Richard} Sheeeeee, Shibidubidu, olmi lassi. Row row row your boat, in the navy .

The councillor} Ok, that’s it, Richard. you can stop singing now.

Richard} That one is my specialty. It’s my comfort story whenever I’m having a really bad day, which is pretty much most of the time . Yeah it’s brilliant though. I don’t like the bit where the boat sinks though. It’s all fine up until then. Bloody boat, you know what I mean ?.

The councillor} That’s just nuts. I don’t know, I don’t think I’d read it though .

Richard} Yeah no don’t worry, I wouldn’t read it either .

The councillor} Do you have any other story ideas ?, because knowing you, you must have a massive backlog .

Richard} Yeah. There’s another one about a man who is obsessed with the sky. He just looks up at the sky and he thinks . ” Why is the sky blue, why are the clouds so big ?”. Oh shut up, you bloody stupid man, stupid bloody fantasist man. { He stands up and dazes into the sky}

The councillor} Richard, hello, hello, are you there ?. Richard, talk to me . { Tries to grab his attention}

Richard} Oi no, stop it. I’m trying to connect to the man who is in love with the sky. Man, why must you be so obsessed with the sky ?, you’re going mad over here . ” Hey Yolanza. your wife is worried sick about you. She said she made brownies and flap jacks. She bloody burnt them in the oven cos you were too busy making love to the sky . You fucking git, come home, you bloody git .

The councillor} Richard, I’m still here, you know ?.

Richard} Yeah, I can see that .

The councillor} Wow, sounds like you’re really invested in this man .

Richard} Yeah. That’s obviously because it was my brother. Every day, he looks up at the sky and he drives himself mad .

The councillor} Oh dear .

Richard} He’s completely lost touch with reality. He thinks that the sky is a sign of world domination. I keep telling him but he’s like ” No man, brother mine, world domination is real and it’s in the sky, brother ”, I’m like ” No, man, are you mad ?, you call me brother, I’m not your brother ”. I don’t know what’s going on, man. I think the altitude made him deranged. Is that a thing, sir ?. Does the altitude make you deranged ?, because from my own experiences with my brother, I know it’s real .

The councillor} No, not that I know of .

Richard} I think it’s real. I know what happened. He’s been doing it flat out for about five weeks, this is absolutely mental. He doesn’t even know what a pineapple is anymore, he thinks it’s a bloomin space ship . The fucking man has lost the plot .

The councillor} Wait, but where are you gonna find bloody altitude in London ?.

Richard} Oh it’s there, it’s there. Go outside if you don’t believe me .

The councillor} I don’t want to believe you, I think it’s complete and utter nonsense .

Richard} It may be nonsense, but I’ll tell you something, sir. It’s not nonsense until you see it happening .

The councillor} Yeah, but it’s not even something I’d want to see, it sounds absolutely rank .

Richard} Welcome to my world. Unfortunatly, you’re gonna see a lot more of it .

The councillor} Ugh, no thank you. Right ok, so, you’re doing your plays ?.

Richard} Yes .

The councillor} And you’re enjoying it ?.

Richard} Oh shut up .

The councillor} You what ?.

Richard} Get out, you absolute piss take .

The councillor} Oh come on, Richard, don’t start this off again . I thought we discussed this last week .

Richard} We didn’t discuss anything. You started talking about Shirley Bassey, I don’t bloody know .

The councillor} I was motorvating you .

Richard} No mate, listen, the only thing you motorvated me to do was to take a massive shit in a toilet .

The councillor} Nonsense. You got something out of it.

Richard} Look mate, do you really believe in this so called motorvation you speak of ?. There is so such thing .

The councillor} It does exist though. Most artists use motorvation to keep doing their work even when they don’t feel like it. That’s motorvation .

Richard} Yeah, then they wake up the next day and they’re miserable again. They’re like, ” Yes, I’ve got this, I can do this, I’ve got the whole world in my hands ”, then here comes tomorrow, then the next day, they feel like shit again. They can’t even get themselves out of bed in the morning. Back to square one again. Motorvation is shit, man, I don’t even know why I do it .

The councillor} It’s because you’re one of a kind, Richard .

Richard} Am I though, am I ?.

The councillor} Of course you are .

Richard} No I’m bloody not. I’m not even sure if I am a kind. ” One of a kind ”, Puh, what a lot of bloody rubbish the whole thing . The kind is gonna be shit scared of me when they get to know me, forget that .

The councillor} Of course the kind won’t be scared of you. If the kind found out that you write plays, it would be thrilled .

Richard} No but they’re shit though. I’d rather watch a dead plastic bag float off of cars. They’re really entertaining, sir . Have you ever seen a dead plastic bag float into the street ?. Knowing you, you’ve probably seen a shit load in your day .

The councillor} No I’ve never seen that, I wouldn’t call it entertaining. Is it good ?.

Richard} Oh it’s to die for. Every time I come into work, there’s always one floating around. Makes my day .

The councillor} Right well, if that’s the case, then I’m really scared for you .

Richard} No I’m really happy about myself, actually. It’s way better than going to a knitting class or something . Talking shite whilst handling needles, no thanks. I’m happy about where I am right now. Don’t really have a proper job, but jesus, does anyone ?.

The councillor} That’s a bit depressing .

Richard} A bit ?, it’s very depressing. But it is what it is .

The councillor} Ok so. Do you feel like you’re getting anything out of this writing program ?. Is it helping you in any way ?.

Richard} Well, first of all, it is but it’s also not. I feel like I’m going into some sort of over drive every time I write a draft. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Um, my neighbors have no idea what’s going on. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like I’m writing Monty Python or something . If I write a shite piece, it’s a shite piece . What am I writing at the end of the day, monkey shit ?. It’s bullshit, man .

The councillor} Ok well, I read your story, the other day and I thought it was great. It’s different, but it was great .

Richard} Oh really ?. Well, I’m glad you even had time to read the story .

The councillor} I always have time, especially if it’s got something to do with my patients . I loved the story .

Richard} Nah. You didn’t like it. See, with you I can tell. You like all that serial dramas with people sitting in a dark room. One’s scared shitless, there’s this Colonel who gets pissed off every episode and feels the need to murder someone. Then there’s this woman who’s hiding under the bed, fuck knows why she’s there, then there’s this other woman who has a laundry basket on her head. That’s your idea of quality entertainment, you love that shit . It’s all that stuff that’s set in a village .

The councillor} A village ?. I’m not sure about that .

Richard} Yeah, your taste in television is really warped and twisted .

The councillor} Well, I like this, so .

Richard} Right well, that says a lot .

The councillor} What ?.

Richard} Shut up !!!!! .

End of script}