A Struggling Writer, Script 7

{Warning, this script contains strong language and adult humor}

{First scene, Richard is called back into the councillor’s office, he’s just sitting there, laughing his head off, no one knows why}

Richard} Hahaha, did you really think I was gonna walk in and be serious with you ?.

The councillor} No I didn’t, no I bloody didn’t. It was a facade .

Richard} What, that’s that a facade ?. What, grumpy old man, that’s a facade ?, alright, Rick Flair. I pity you if you think that’s a facade .

The councillor} Nothing’s a bloody facade .

Richard} Hah, you really thought that you could avoid hearing my story, didn’t you ?.

The councillor} No I didn’t, I just wanted to go home and have a bath .

Richard} You could have just listened to the story first then later, you could go home and have a bloody soak or whatever the fuck you wanna call it . It wasn’t even that long, you’re acting like I’m forcing you to read the five hour table read for The bloody Room .

The councillor} I couldn’t give a shit if it wasn’t that long, that’s not the problem .

Richard} Right, so why didn’t you wanna hear it then ?.

The councillor} Because I didn’t wanna know about bloody Benji !!!! .

Richard} Wow, what you as well ?. You know who you’re like, you’re like the main protagonist in the story. The little kid who sees him charging towards her. ” Ah no, Benji ”, that’s you .

The councillor} No, Richard, that’s not me, that’s definetly not me .

Richard} Yes it is, yes it is. You’re just bullshitting me now. You do the exact same thing as the protagonist. You see, the protagonist, yeah ?, she makes Benji go there in the first place, then she complains that he’s walking too fast .

The councillor} Wait, but she’s only four years old, for goodness sake. How’s she suppsed to know what’s wrong and what’s right .

Richard} She said she was twelve !!!! .

The councillor} She’s twelve ?. What the fuck is she doing in Dalston ?.

Richard} Shopping !!!!! .

The councillor} Right. Why’s the story so fascinating then ?. What’s all this about ?.

Richard} Well, half way through the story, Benji manages to walk through a wall and then he walks in the street, he starts saying things like ” Ehhh, fucking Turkish, I’m gonna burn the shop, I’m gonna burn the shop !!! ”.

The councillor} Right, I feel like this story’s gonna have a not so happy ending. What happens at the end of the story ?.

Richard} Oh no no, it’s really happy .

The councillor} Is it really ?.

Richard} Yeah, no one dies, it’s all good, it’s all good .

The councillor} Oh ok, that’s good. So what happens then ?.

Richard} Well, Benji mellows down and he stops this psychotic middle aged man so called facade and he settles for a new life in Panama . After, he fakes his own death with a canoe in Antray .

The councillor} Right, bloody hell .

Richard} New life in Panama !!!! .

The councillor} Did he die though ?, what happened to him ?.

Richard} Nah he’s alright. It was a success, he made it home safely .

The councillor} Oh good good .

Richard} Then, he got raided by Triads in China .

The councillor} What ?!!! .

Richard} But yeah, that one has to be one of the best stories I have ever written. It’s so bloody riveting .

The councillor}  Hm, um, sorry, I do apologize, Richard, but can you do me a favor, please ?.

Richard} Oh god .

The councillor} No it’s alright, it’s ok, I want you to hand these files over to Jeffery, I was supposed to give these to him earlier but I kind of forgot. Can you just quickly stop by at his office, please ?.

Richard} Ah, you bloody. { He walks out of his office and doesn’t listen to him}

The councillor} Where’s he gone ?. Eh, that bloody. ” New Life In Panama ”, hah, I can’t wait for a new life in Panama .

Richard shouts from outside the office}

Richard} Oh you can have a new life in Panama . You just need to have some bills to pay, then you fake your own death with the canoe. New Life In Panama !!!! .

The councillor} Richard, fuck off .

{Richard starts laughing}

The councillor} You’re still there ?.

Richard} Haha, I’m not leaving, I’m not going anyhere .

The councillor} Oh bloody hell . { He just gives up and walks off}

End of script}