The Hackney Diaries Script, Hayley The Maniac .

Joe} Hey .

Hayley} Hey .

Joe} What are you up to ?.

Hayley} Oh nothing really .

Hayley} Can I show you something ?.

Joe} Yeah, what is it ?.

Hayley} Just sit down .

Joe} Ok, why do you want me to sit down ?.

Hayley} Just do it .

Joe} Ok fine [ sits down} Now what ?.

Hayley} Now give me your hand .

Joe} Are you going to kill me ?.

Hayley} No .

Joe} So, what is this then ?.

Hayley} I am not Google , just follow my instructions .

Joe} This is creeping me out .

Hayley} Yeah, everything creeps you out .

Joe} That’s not true .

Hayley} Yes, it is true .

{Joe rolls his eyes at Hayley }

Hayley} I know how to read palms .

Joe} Oh, can you now ?.

Hayley} Yes I can .

Joe} Well, can you read mine ?.

Hayley} Yes, I’ll try it .

{Hayley starts reading his palm }

Joe} What is happening ?.

Hayley} I am reading your palm .

Joe} Ok well, tell me my whole personal life story .

Hayley} As in what ?.

Joe}`Like, when I’ll get married, if I’ll have children and when I’ll die .

Hayley} Oh, I don’t know that part yet .

Joe} This is absolutely pointless , why did you say that you knew how to do this then ?.

Hayley} I am good at it, but I never learned a degree in it , if you want to know the real life thing, you are gonna have to call a proper person who specialises in those sorts of things .

Joe} You know what ?, that’s a good idea , I know a person who does that sort of thing too .

Hayley} Oh no, I was just joking, you are not really gonna call a fortune teller , aren’t you ?.

Joe} Yes I am, and I’m going to book a visit too .

Hayley} How much is it , per visit ?.

Joe} Probably about 50 pounds , something like that .

Hayley} What ?.

Joe} 50 quid, is that fine ?.

Hayley} Yes, but 50 quid, ain’t that a bit too much ?.

Joe} Well, what’s the average price for a reading ?.

Hayley} Well, I was thinking up to about 20 quid .

Joe} Hayley, this the real world , you don’t pay a visit for 1 pound .

Hayley} I tell you, I’m a professional fortune teller .

Joe} No, you are not .

Hayley} Ok, explain the reason why .

Joe} You literally stood there , like you had a stroke , you don’t know anything about fortune telling , face it .

Hayley} Ok well, it’s not like the fortune teller is a professional either .

Joe} Well, we are gonna go and see one .

Hayley} Well, where’s the place ?.

Joe} There’s a place down Wood Green .

Hayley} Ok, we’ll go then .

{They got to the place }

Fortune Teller} Hello, who are these people ?.

Volunteer } Remember, these are the people who booked a visit .

Fortune Teller} Oh Hello .

Joe} Oh hello .

Fortune Teller} Come and take a seat .

Hayley} Thank you .

Joe} Ok,  can we please get to the point , we don’t have  much time .

{Fortune Teller pulls out the fortune telling globe }

Joe} Woah, what the hell is that ?.

Hayley} I have no idea .

Joe} Hey, do you know what that thing looks like ?.

Hayley} What does it look like ?.

Joe} It looks like that globe what the witches had in the Wizard of Oz .

Hayley} Oh yeah, that is very true .

Fortune Teller} Ok, I see a future , that is very clear .

Joe} Oh really ?.

Hayley} Yeah, I see many things in line for you .

Joe} Yes, get in , what job will I have ?.

Fortune Teller} You’ll be a lawyer .

Joe} A Lawyer .

Hayley} Hah a lawyer, Omg, way to go, Joe .

Joe} Shut up, this is bullshit .

Hayley} What is there for me ?.

Fortune Teller} I see some very unusual things .

Hayley} Huh ?.

Fortune Teller} Do you want any further information ?.

Hayley} Yes, of course I do .

Fortune Teller} In 3 years time, you’ll be working very independantly .

Hayley} Yes get in .

Fortune Teller} You’ll be working as a supermarket assistant .

Hayley} What now ?.

Joe} Ha Ha Ha, a supermarket assistant , can you get me some onions please ?, ha ha .

Hayley} This is utter bullshit, I want a bloody refund , can I have my 50 quid back , yeah thank you, I’m going now .

Joe} Hayley, what the ?.

Hayley} it is very shit , waste of time , all of that to to know that I’m going to be a supermarket assistant , uh uh , not today .

Joe} Yeah, but I got Lawyer, that’s much worse, nothing can top that .

Hayley} Yeah  but that’s normal , what else am I gonna do ?, just stand there , selling bananas like ” Who wants bananas ?, come and have a look , bananas for a pound , yeah right .

Joe} That isn’t so bad .

Hayley} Yes it is, you don’t realize, my future is mucked up  .

Joe} No it isn’t .

Hayley} Yes it is, the shit hit the fan  .

Joe} Do you actually know what supermarket assistants do ?.

Hayley} Yes I do, don’t ask me that question , they are like people who turn shops into circuses , that’s not gonna be my job .

Joe} Hayley, they don’t do entertainment , they stack shelves .

Hayley} Oh, that’s even worse , forget that .

Joe} Anyway, change of subject .

Hayley} What is it ?.

Joe} I’m going to steal the globe .

Hayley} What globe ?, what are you talking about ?.

Joe} Do you know that globe, what the fortune teller had ,  Yeah, I’m taking it .

Hayley} Why are you gonna do that ?.

Joe} You’ll see .

Hayley} How are you gonna steal it from her ?.

Joe} I’m going to hypnotize her .

Hayley} Oh, don’t do that .

{Meanwhile, Joe’s in the fortune telling booth }

Fortune Teller} Hello, what are you here for ?.

Joe hypnotizing the fortune teller}

{The fortune teller falls asleep }

{Joe picks up the globe }

Hayley} Did you get it ?.

Joe} Yes, here it is .

Hayley} you are seriously crazy , why did you steal it ?.

Joe} It’s free, the person is probably loaded, the person’s got a butler, she could just replace it .

Hayley} We are not keeping that .

Joe} Yes we are, it looks really cool .

Hayley} But, will it do witchcraft ?.

Joe} No, don’t be silly .

Hayley} Ok, well if you want to keep it, put it in your house .

Joe} Yeah ok .

{ They got home }

Joe} This thing is very cool ,

Hayley} Yeah, I know .

Joe} Do you think that there are real souls in this globe ?.

Hayley} No , I don’t think so , don’t be a fantasist , it’s just a snow globe .

Joe} Don’t say that .

Hayley} Ok, I’m still very pissed off at our futures  though .

Joe} Yeah, It’s mainly you though, I’m fine with the rumor of being a lawyer  .

Hayley} Being an assistant in a supermarket is nothing special , you just specialize in handling food products , is that what I want to do for my future job ?, it’s not even my dream .

Joe} Well being a lawyer was not my dream either, we just got it, but remember, the person didn’t look like a professional , she probably just does it for fun .

Hayley} Really ?, cause if that is real, I am very pissed off at everything that happened .

Joe} Hey, I know what would cheer you up, .

Hayley} What ?.

Joe} We should deliver the globe to Daisy .

Hayley} isn’t that like giving in , it isn’t vile  .

Joe} I know, but the lights could give her migraines , that’s pretty much the superise .

Hayley} Ok, let’s go .

 

{They arrived at Daisy’s door }

{They knocked on the door }

Daisy} Oh  not you guys again, what do you guys want this time ?.

Joe} We thought that we’d give you this snow globe .

Hayley} Yeah, as a gift .

Daisy} Oh, this looks like very nice, I like the colors .

Hayley} Yeah, we like them too .

Joe} Ok, we need to go now, we have to catch a film .

Hayley} Yeah .

Daisy} Ok, thanks guys , see ya .

Joe} See ya .

 

Hayley} Well that went well .

Joe} Yeah, it did .

The next morning .

Joe} Hayley , Hayley, Hayley .

Hayley} What is it .

Joe} Is that the globe, hanging by the window ?.

Hayley} Yes it is , what is it doing there ?.

Joe} No idea .

Hayley} I know who did this .

Joe} Who is it ?.

Hayley} It’s Daisy and the rest of the group, innit ?.

Joe} Yeah, idiots .

Hayley} I just wish that it would set a curse on them or something .

Joe} Yeah .

End of script .