Random Band Script, A Bunch Of Geezers Doing Band Practice

Hello everybody . What you’re about to read is a script about a band . It’s just a random script that I wrote, and it’s about these geezers trying to do band practice. It’s kind of like a demented version of Spinal Tap . I think it’s really funny, I hope you enjoy reading it . This contains strong language so if you’re under 18, don’t read this, unless you have some parental guidance . Anyway, enjoy .

Derrick} Bloody hell, how does this song go again ? .

Eddie} Wow, we’re already a few minutes in and you’ve already fucked up .

Derrick} Oh, easy for you to say. Haven’t played these drums for a while. I’ve been occupied with other shit in my life . My partner left me, my father ain’t paying the debt, I’ve been saving up to go to college, and now I’m here with you dim wits .

Rick} Riveting .

Mick} I can’t believe we have to do band practice in this place, I mean, look at it, it’s a shit hole, you’ll play a few notes on the guitar and you’ll go mad .

Terry} Oh, you think that’s bad. I had to do a meeting in a park once, if you think about it, it makes just as much noise as it does here .

Eddie} Yeah, especially if you’re talking to a client and your signal cuts off and you see a bird going ape shit in the back round, they’ll fire you within a week. Bye Bye .

Mick} Guys, we really should get on with this. There’s a geezer going mad in there, one of us will end up down the bloody stairs .

Derrick} I couldn’t give a monkees about that geezer, he can do the moon walk back and forth, like a drunk Michael Jackson and it doesn’t matter if he does, because this is his apartment, we can still do band practice, even if this geezer is driving us round the bend .

Eddie} Okay, well, it’s your funerals, shits, let me get myself together, so I can play this fucking tune. So, what song are we doing then ?.

Mick} I Wanna Shut You Up .

Derrick} Hahaha. { Plays the drum}

Mick} Ayyy, nice one .

Eddie} What the hell was that ?, you shredding the drums .

Derrick} It’s natural human habitat, you put a drum set in front of me, I’ll do that .

John} Oh bloody hell. This is gonna be a long day  . I’ve been holding this microphone for ages, my hands are sweating .

Mick} I shit you not . You think that’s bad, I’ve been holding my guitar for several hours. I’m always holding my guitar, there’s not been a time where I have left it on the side of the sofa. I’m telling you, I was born a guitar hero. They don’t make them like that anymore, I’m telling you .

Eddie} Oh my god. Can you shut up, can you shut up, I’ve had enough of your bullshitting, can you shut up ?. { Claps}

John} My hands are still sweating though .

Derrick} Well then, why don’t you get up and sing for us then, I thought you were a singer, what are you, a window cleaner ?.

John} Oh damn you, I am a singer, I am a way better one then you are, that’s for sure .

Derrick} Well alright then, what are you gonna sing for us then, I Like Frost On Window Panes, I like frost on window panes . { Sings}

John} Shuttttttttttt .

Derrick} And paper chains . { Sings}

John} Sobiee !!! .

Mick} Sit down, you pisser. You and your microphone, not you in all .

Eddie} Look mate, if you want to do your music and enter the gateways of heaven, you better pick up your drum sticks and start playing . Show must go on . { sings} . { They all start playing their instruments}

{The man who works in the studio who’s slowly going mad}

The man} Fucking typical bands, making racket as usual, I’m gonna go mad in a minute .

The other man} Oh leave it out, Ronnie. These are the geezers who are gonna make big names for themselves, so just let them do their thing .

The man} I know, but it’s fucking racket . { Whispers}

The other man} Then, shut the door then if you don’t like the noise .

The man} What’s that gonna do ?.

{ The man starts going off on one and everyone is just so confused}

Mick} Wait. Do you hear that ?, I’m telling you, this geezer’s a looney . Why the fuck did we come here for band practice, oh wait, because we can’t afford to go to a proper studio, bloody hell. God help us, help me, help you .

Terry} You know what, I can’t remember the last time I stayed in a proper house, with lights, a bathroom and a toilet, what is this place, fucking cabin, reminds me of Board stall .

Derrick} Yeah, I haven’t been home since last September, can’t remember the last time I changed my pants .

Mick} Well, that’s something, isn’t it ?. Man’s going mad in the passage and you’re talking about pants .

{ Meanwhile, Ronnie is still having an argument with George}

Thomas} Fucking maniac, you are. Can’t you see what you’re doing, you’re leaving a bad impression on all of us. If they see you, rolling around like this, do you reckon they’d wanna stay ?. This is a studio, it’s in your apartment, of course they’re gonna make a racket. What do you want them to do, keep quiet ?, piss off .

Ronnie} I don’t care what it is, they’re doing my head in. If they don’t stop, I’m telling you, I’d make Texas Chainsaw Massacre happen in this apartment. When I say There will be blood, there will be blood. But you see, the thing is, is that there wasn’t any blood, there was no blood in that film, no blood whatsoever .

George} But, what are you talking about ?. Of course there was blood in that film .

Ronnie} Oh there was hardly any fucking blood .

{Meanwhile, the band mates are practicing}

Derrick} Fucking naaaaaaa, naaaaaaaaaa, naaaaa, Arrrrrrrrr . { Singing}

Mick} Wowowowow . { In a guitar voice}

John} Shut it, shut it, shut it, ayyyyy, come fucking over here, we’re gonna fucking tear this place up. Fucking Turkish. Are you having a Turkish ?. Na na na, who the hell speaks French ?. { Then, Ronnie comes running in}

Ronnie} What the fuck is going on ?. { Shouts}

George} What the fuck is going on ?. { Calmly}

Mick} Well, I don’t fucking know, do I ?, this is my first time, I only came in yesterday .

Eddie} Oh, you know full well what’s going on, mate, this weird ass man / lunatic has come up to us in a waist coat that goes down to his fucking legs, he looks like a fat doctor Strange . Don’t know who this geezer is .

Ronnie} Well maybe, it’s time I introduced myself then, hi I’m Ronnie, this is my apartment by the way .

Terry} What, this is your apartement, are you taking the piss ?.

Ronnie} What, do you see me laughing ?.

Terry} A little bit .

Rick} Haha, get out, you disgusting tramp .

Ronnie} No, you get out, it’s my apartment, don’t get too cocky, you know, I’d break both of your legs if I had the chance .

Derrick} Hah haha, show down .

George} Look guys, can you just keep it down a bit, Ronnie’s trying to do some work in his office. You don’t need to stop or anything like that, but just to it more quietly .

Eddie} Wow, there’s an office in here, I honestly didn’t think there was an office in here .

George} So yeah, can you just pipe it down a little bit, yeah ?, if you don’t mind. There is a way to do it more quiet .

Derrick} Is there a way though, I don’t think there is, we can’t just do that .

George} Oh trust me, there is, you just do it more gentle .

Mick} No you can’t, that’s the power of music, there are no limits. You can’t just do it quietly, you might as well just not do it then, innit ?, what’s the point ?, what’s the point ?.

George} Hey let me tell you something, Ronnie is the master of music, he can teach you a few things. Oi, Ronnie, can you come here for a minute ?.

Derrick} Oh fuck no, you’re not gonna teach me how to play the drums, I already know how to, now this nut case is over here, makes it ten times worse, you’re just gonna take my drum sticks and you’re gonna drag me to hell .

Ronnie} Derrick, you twat, just sit still, I’m gonna show you how to do reverb .

Derrick} What, on the drums ?, are you out of your goddam mind ?.

Ronnie} Look Derrick, this is what happens when you tap the drum, is creates a reverb effect, you see . { He taps the drum with his finger, demonstrating a certain sound}

Derrick} Oh wow, this actually really cool, I like the sound it makes . It’s like, Doo Dung, wicked .

Eddie} You’re going mad .

Mick} This is exactly what hell is like, this is my idea of hell .

John} Hurrrr, I envy your mother, honestly .

Eddie} Wow, is that what it sounds like when a lump of shit lands in a toilet ?.

Ronnie} Get out, get out, Eddie, piss off, you don’t talk about Excement in my apartment, you keep it out, you understand ?.

Eddie} What, what else was I supposed to talk about, anyway, it sounds like toilet, that’s what it sounds like, it’s like shit music economics .

Ronnie} No piss off, get out, get out of here .

Mick} By him, do you mean all of us ?.

Ronnie} While we’re at it, yeah .

Rick} Oh geez, see, I knew this sort of thing would happen, it’s shit anyway, there’s no proper resources, you just hum your fucking tapes. All though, we have intruments, but then you complain that there’s too much noise, so I don’t know .

Ronnie} Right, get out, get out, don’t come back here .

Derrick} What, what did we do ?, what did we do to deserve this, we were only joking .

Ronnie} Oh don’t take the piss, never underestimate me, you stupid git, and you communist cunt .

Mick} What, when did I say I supported communism ?.

Ronnie} I know you did, you all worship the same old rubbish, and you, piss off, piss off .

{ Ronnie chased all of them out of the building}

Derrick{ Oh shit, I forgot my drum set, can I go back and get it ?.

Ronnie} No, get out . { He slammed the door right in their faces}

John} Wow, Ain’t I glad to be out of that place ?, who was that geezer ?.

Eddie} I have no clue. Absolute nut case. Well, at least we’re out of there, we don’t have to run into that geezer anymore .

Rick} Well, where are we gonna go, we still need to do our band practice .

Mick} Yeah, we’re not going back to that place, forget it, I’d run a mile . I’d stay well away from that place if I were you .

Rick} Well, there’s no where to go now, innit ?, where are we go now ?.

Derrick} We’ll think of something, bloody hell. How are we gonna get out of here ?.

Eddie} Oh, don’t tell me we’re gonna have to walk back .

John} Yeah, you know what, let’s just get the bus, the 73 is due any minute now .

Terry} Oh thank god. { A few minutes later, the bus still hasn’t turned up}

Mick} Yep, that bus isn’t coming any time soon .

Terry} Oh bloody hell .

End of script .