New Script, 4 Demented Sad Sacks Who Are Stuck In One Room Together

Hi everyone, welcome back to Big Blog Theory, hope you’re all doing well. I’ve got something very special in store for you guys today . I have written a new script, it’s called 4 Demented Sad Sacks Who Are Stuck In One Room Together, as you can see by the title on this post .  It’s about these four idiots are stuck in this room together and they all hate each other but they have to interact with each other whether or not they like it . I think it’s really funny . It’s just character studies at the end of the day . I hope you like it.

{Warning, this script contains strong language and adult humor}

{First scene, everyone’s just sitting around, trying not to go mad}

Jeremy} Oh piss off, Gerry. No, don’t do that. I’ll fucking do you one .

Gerry} What ?, I didn’t do anything .

Jeremy} Yes you did. Just because we share the same birth name, it doesn’t mean you have the right to piss me off .

Gerry} Yeah well, it’s not my fault I’m called that. My parents called me Gerry. The nurse handed over the paperwork and the certificate to my parents and that was it. Little old Gerry was born .

Samsung} Yeah, and you didn’t choose to exist either .

Gerry} Oh get out. Yeah, says the man who’s name is bloody Samsung .

Samsung} Hey, we’re not the ones in charge, we have no input with the names. You could be called Orange, you could be called apple, you could be Nectarine . Honestly, life’s bloody weird, man. If you think about it, yeah, we’re like a tiny dot on the horizon .

Trevor} This is nice, you know ?. We’re like one big happy family, us lot .

Jeremy} No, we’re not family, we never will be .

Trevor} Oh come on, Jeremy, lighten up. We’re all stuck in this room together, we’re probably gonna die soon, we might as well get on .

Gerry} Not on my watch .

Jeffery} You never had a bloody watch, you donkey !.

Gerry} It’s a metaphor, Jeffery !!! . You don’t have any idea. It’s a fucking joke !!!. You need to exchange lives, mate, you need a fucking, you need a fucking day in the slums. Sit there and be real, you fucking fake !!!! .

{ Trevor starts laughing}

Gerry} No, I don’t find it funny, he’s pissing me off .

Jay} Gerry, why are you so worked up ?.

Gerry} Because it’s life. It’s what we have and it’s shit .

Trevor} Oh, stop over compensating. You’re only gonna lead us on .

Samsung} God, I’m so fed up with you lot. I’ve only met you yesterday. You don’t do anything but stare at the ceiling and talk shit .

Jeremy} What else are we gonna do in a place like this ?. It’s not Butlins, for peets sake .

Jay} Why would we need Butlins when we have our own entertainment ?.

Jeremy} What entertainment do we have ?.

Jayu} Talk shit and possibly a fist fight . And then, that’s transcended into a boot to the teeth. You’re all gonna be toothless wonders, the lot of you .

Jeremy} Who on earth called for a bloody fist fight ?.

Jay} Well, it’s you lot. That’s what you’re enabeling . You just can’t wait to kill someone .

Samsung} Bullshit, we’re happy. Isn’t that right, Gerry ?.

Gerry} Yeah yeah, we’re happy, we’re happy . We don’t wanna kill anyone. What a load of rubbish .

Jay} Right well, if someone does end up getting killed tonight, I’m not gonna be the one to blame .

Samsung} How are you gonna kill someone anyway ?.

Jay} You’ve got a knife .

Samsung} What knife ?. This is a pencil, you bloody dumbo .

Jay} Yeah well, some pencils are really sharp, it may cause injury of some sort .

Samsung} I don’t know what world you’re living in, mate. No one’s ever been killed via pencil.

Jay} There was this kid at my old school who was threatening this other kid with a pencil .

Samsung} Oh yeah ?, and what happened to him ?.

Jay} Well he was murdered. Now listen to thism this is even worse. The kid who murdered the kid with a pencil now works at a pencil factory in Swansea .

Samsung} Bloody hell.

{Jeremy starts laughing, they all look at him}

Jay} Jeremy, why are you laughing for ?. It’s not funny, a kid just died . This is not a laughing matter .

Jeremy} What, you honestly believe in that story ?. Jay talks so much shit, man. You can’t murder someone with a pencil, you just can’t, it’s impossible . And if you can, then it would have to be really really hard .

Jay} Wanna take it to the streets to see who’s right ?.

Jeremy} Honestly, I’d love to, man, but we’re locked in.

Jay} We could still do it in here though. There’s more space, there’s more resources. Inside the room it is .

Samsung} No it’s bloody not. You ain’t do anything. You bloody bumble of shit .

Jeremy} Oh I’m a bumble of shit ?, what are you then ?.

Samsung} I’m nothing. I don’t think I’m anything, I’m far from that .

Jeremy} Samsung, you’re exactly what you say you are. What, you think I’m a fairy ?.

Gerry} You fairy !!! .

Jeremy} What ?. Would you wanna get your teeth knocked out by a fairy ?. Not on your nellie .

Gerry} Yes I would, actually. Just as long as the fairy has a face of an actual fairy and not the face of a man named Jeremy Shitter .

Jeremy} No that’s not my name .

Jay} Oo. I think we should all have a friend like Jeremy Shitter, I love Jeremy shitter .

Jeremy} Oh, don’t take the piss. You’re lucky I’m just human. You’re lucky I don’t transform into some roller blade wonder pig. I’d wreck the house until you get to the bloody fire exit door .

Jay} Where are you gonna find a fire exit door ?.

Jeremy} They’re everywhere, Jay .

Jay} Where does the fire exit door lead you anyway ?.

Jeremy} It leads you through the gateways of hell.

Jay} That sounds lovely, doesn’t it ?. Bloody hell . { He says it under his breath with sarcasm}

Jeremy} It sure does feel like we’re in hell though. I never realized how easy it is to go to hell. You just need to slag someone off, then you need to go inside the wrong room and bam, you’re in hell. I don’t even know how that’s possible but it is .

Samsung} Well, I sure do hope that you don’t think of us when you think of hell, Jeremy .

Jeremy turns around}

Jeremy} Of course I think of you lot when I think of hell. You’ve got hell written all over you. Man named Samsung, a man who calls me Jeremy Shitter. You’re bloody fustrating . It takes one to go mad. No, that’s not true, it’s just not true. It doesn’t take one person to go mad, it starts with one, then the rest of you follow. How did we even meet anyway ?. How did we end up in this room together ?.

Gerry} I think there was a man who led us into this room, then he locked us in by accident .

Samsung} What the fuck ?. Why would he just do that ?. Fucking hell,  Man’s already gone senile at the age of thirty. Is he taking the piss ?. Bloody Jovanka !!! .

Silence}

Jay} There was no need for that outburst, Samsung .

Samsung} I’m sorry but, it had to be said .

Gerry} Wait, but why would someone just lock you inside a room though ?. They can sense that someone might still be in the room .

Jay} No, because people are mad, that’s why. They need their heads examined. I thought we were evolving as a society. We seem to be going bloody backwards. That git, man. If I had the chance, I would lock him in the bloody room instead. I would wack him on the head and then I’d pull down his pants .

Jeremy} Woah ok, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself a bit there .

Jay} What ?, we bloody deserves it. God, does he deserve it ?.

{A few minutes later, they’re still lying there}

Jay} That geezer, man, por. I don’t know who he is but he needs a bloody, he needs a bloody spiral towards the river, mate, absolute parasite .

Everyone} Ughhhhhhhh .

End of script}