Joe And Hayley Tries to save Christmas Script

Hayley} Hey Joe .

Joe} Hey .

Hayley} Today is Christmas Day .

Joe} Christmas, What already ?.

Hayley} Yeah so I am not the only one who doesn’t believe it myself ?.

Joe} Yeah .

Hayley} Well, are we gonna do anything to like celebrate Christmas ?.

Joe} I don’t really know , I don’t really feel like doing anything .

Hayley} Oh come on Joe, Lets have a bit of fun, you are like bloody Scrooge .

Joe} Well, what am I gonna do ?, I am not a clown or a magician and I don’t have any entertainment skills , I am not gonna do it .

Hayley} Well if we can’t do that, do we have any party food or anything ?.

Joe} No, if you wanna get some, you can get off your ass and go to Tesco .

Hayley} Well, what about games ?.

Joe} No, we are not playing karaoke , I am not ready to hear your voice again, it sounds like singing down a bloody alleyway .

Hayley} No, we are not playing karaoke , I never said that, that was never an option , what about a game where you throw a ping pong ball in a trash can ?.

Joe} No, the last time we ever played that game , my furniture got demolished , I am not gonna go through that again, I haven’t even been down to Ikea yet .

Hayley} I don’t remember that .

Joe} Yeah, sure you don’t .

Hayley} If we are gonna have a party , are we gonna invite anybody ?.

Joe} No, I am not throwing a party , we are stuck in quarantine and I hate people .

Hayley} Wow, you really see the worst in people don’t you ?.

Joe} Yeah because, people are the worst , there’s no good in people , you hate people too, don’t try and undermine me .

Hayley} Well, what are we gonna do then ?, we have to choose something , do you want to celebrate Christmas or pretend that it is a ordinary day ?, which one ?.

Joe} I don’t really know  , it is up to you , I don’t like parties and I don’t like entertaining people , I’m not gonna turn my house into a country club .

Hayley} Choose one .

Joe} I don’t know ……..

Hayley} Christmas or no Christmas ?.

Joe} You know what ?, I don’t know , I’ll have some thinking time about it , then I’ll let you know when I have decided what the answer is , speak to you later .

{ Joe packs his things and walks out the door }

A few minutes later, Hayley rings Joe on the phone .

Hayley dials number and rings Joe .

Joe} What does she want now ?, hello .

Hayley} Hey Joe, have you thought about that thing yet ?.

Joe} Bloody hell , what thing ?.

Hayley} Christmas, remember ?.

Joe} I am not gonna do it .

Hayley} Yeah but .

Joe} Case closed, case closed , get it , we are not gonna do it , ok .

Hayley} Yeah but, what about the food and the balloons ?, we’ve had such a tough year , I mean, nothing this year ?, really , nothing ?, you have to be kidding me .

Joe} I know, I don’t feel like doing it this year .

Hayley} Oh come on , we at least have some time to save Christmas .

Joe} As far as I’m concerned , this is not Christmas, this is Shitmass , it is a shoe rotting in a forest .

Hayley} Well maybe if we take part in doing it this year , then maybe it won’t be shitmas , which one do you prefer, Christmas or Shitmas ?.

Joe} Well I guess we can do something small .

Hayley} What are we gonna do ?, what are we gonna do ?, lets hear your idea .

Joe} I’ll tell you what , come over to my house at 5 o clock , I’ll organize something .

Hayley} Ok, should I bring anything ?, like food or stuff for entertainment ?.

Joe} No don’t worry about that, I have it all covered , meet me at 5 o clock , the fun will begin then .

5 o clock appeared .

Hayley} Hey, I’m here .

Joe} Great, come on in, take a seat .

Hayley} So what are we gonna do then ?.

Joe} Oh yeah, wait there, I’ll be right back .

Hayley} A box ?, seriously a box ?, is this supposed to be a magic trick or something ?.

Joe} What ?, do you think I’m gonna do a shit in it ?.

Hayley} You didn’t put another boot in there , didn’t you ?.

Joe} No, come on, have a look .

Hayley} emmmm …… .

Joe} Come on , you look like you are about to face Medusa , just come and look , I didn’t put a rat in there .

Hayley} And what are we supposed to do with this box , exactly ?.

Joe} Emm , I think ….. .

Hayley} Did you get a cat for me , Joe ?.

Joe} No, it’s not a cat , do I look like I work in a pet shop ?, there are a couple across the road , hiding in a bush if you want .

Hayley} Hmmmm, what’s that smell ?.

Joe} What smell ?.

Hayley} Is that food I smell ?, I’m gonna go in the kitchen .

Joe} No, don’t go there, you’ll eat my whole house .

Hayley} Why did you cook a full course dinner ?.

Joe} Because of this thing that we are doing , what do you think I’m a freeloader or something ?.

Hayley} Oh wait, you forgot to make the Potatoes .

Joe} Darn it .

Hayley} Don’t worry, I’ll make them .

Joe} Look, I don’t think I want you cooking the food .

Hayley} That is so offensive, and why is that ?.

Joe} Remember the last time I let you cook the food ?.

Hayley} Yeah, as the overall product, we had food .

Joe} No we didn’t , It was a disaster .

Hayley} Hey, at least we had actual food , when you cook, you are washing away like cardboard .

Joe} So what are you looking at in front of you then ?, that isn’t cardboard .

Hayley} That doesn’t matter, I’m making it, and that is all there is to it .

Joe} Right ok, hey , what do you think you are doing ?.

Hayley} I am roasting the potatoes, what  do you think I’m doing , Dancing ?.

Joe} Whatever, if you think that you are Gordan Ramsay , it can stay like that .

A few minutes later .

Joe} I am very bored now .

Hayley} Yeah same , shall we play a game ?.

Joe} No, I don’t play games .

Hayley} And I don’t make food for assholes { Rubbing her hands together , like she’s proud of it } .

Joe} That is offensive , I am not an idiot .

Hayley} Well , you was an hour ago .

Joe} Ok, I am getting a bit tired now, I think I’ll go home now, goodnight .

Hayley} Goodnight and bye .

End of script