In The City, Mocumentary Script, Video Killed The Radio Star

{First scene, Tucker is walking outside with Delsin and Leroy}

Tucker} Which one of you put a rock on my doorstep ?.

Delsin} I don’t know what you are talking about .

Tucker} Of course you bloody do, Leroy, don’t tell me that you don’t know either .

Leroy} Yeah I don’t really know either .

Tucker} Are you bloody kidding me, not one clue ?.

Leroy} Nah nothing .

Tucker} Well I know that one of you did it, first of all, why the hell would there be a rock on my doorstep, a person would of left it there for a laugh .

Delsin} But who the hell do you think put a rock on your doorstep ?.

Tucker} I don’t bloody know, either you or Leroy .

Leroy} Hey, leave me out of this .

Delsin} Tucker, if you think that I did it, your brain needs examining .

Tucker} No I bloody don’t, who the heck would leave a rock on my doorstep, it doesn’t end up my doorstep by force, either one of you did it, or even worse, Amanda did it, she’s always wandering around that bit near my house .

Delsin} Do you know what, I think that the mollusk came back to haunt you .

Tucker} Shit, do you think so ?.

Delsin} Yeah I guess so .

Tucker} But it can’t be, I chucked it in the bin, do you think that it had legs ?.

Delsin} No Tucker, you’re bloody dumb now, of course it doesn’t have legs, it’s dog shit, dog shit doesn’t have legs .

Tucker} Well, it probably does, because once, I saw it moving, so maybe the rumors were true .

Delsin} Don’t raise your hopes up too fast, you’re mad if anything .

{Next scene, Everyone is in a studio}

Jason} Ok guys, do any of you know why you’re here ?.

Tucker} Well I see microphones and wires, so are we gonna fix computers ?.

Jason} No you’re not, if you were fixing computers, why would you need microphones ?.

Tucker} Well because like, while you’re fixing the computer, you talk into the microphone, like you say ” Hello, hello, hello, hello computer ”, you see, it’s obvious isn’t it ?.

Jason} No it’s not obvious, Tucker, do you need mental help ?.

Tucker} No I don’t, shut up .

Leroy} Anyway, why are we here, because it’s too complicated without the context .

Jason} Ok so, today, we are gonna be doing a radio show .

Delsin} Oh what ?, why are we doing a radio show, and why do we have to do it, why can’t we just leave this to Chris Moyles and Johnny Vorne ?.

Jason} Oh come on, it’s gonna be fun .

Tucker} Well, at least it’s only gonna be going on for 2 hours .

Jason} Actually, it’s gonna go on for 24 hours .

Tucker} Oh for god sake . { Then he face palms}

Delsin} 24 hours, you better be bloody joking, otherwise I’m going to tornado kick the truth in the stomach .

Jason} I’m not joking, it’s gonna go on for 24 hours, so you have to make sure that you guys are ready .

Delsin} Well, I am not ready, and I will never be ready . { Then he gets up and fist bumps the air}

Leroy} Anyway, why are we gonna do a radio show, and what made you wake up this morning, and say ” I’m gonna do a radio show with the boys ?” , like don’t you think that you sound mental in a way ?.

Jason} No of course not, mental ?, I don’t think that I’m mental, I think that it’s a great idea, we need more entertainment if anything .

Leroy} Hah see, that’s how mental people talk .

Jason} Leroy, shut up, saying that makes you look mental, and perhaps you are .

Tucker} What’s the main reason why we are doing this radio show anyway ?.

Jason} Well, I have a very good of mine, and he is a radio presenter .

Delsin} Radio presenter, ooh la la, you know what, I don’t give a shit, friends come in all shapes and sizes, and most of them are most likely to be radio presenters and journalists, so take my word for it .

Jason} Delsin, what on earth are you on about ?.

Delsin} Friends come in all shapes and sizes, they all follow the herd, first they start off with being the sheep and then they turn into the shepherd, it’s like the dumbest way of the world .

Jason} Ok well, unfortunatly, he has gone on holiday, so he told me to take over the radio station for 24 hours, but it’ll be good because, we’ll do a pop quiz, play some good music and just entertain the listeners, cause we don’t want to let them down, do we ?.

Delsin} Well yes, because who the hell gives a shit on what the listeners want, what they hear is what they get .

Jason} Ok, well, time is passing, so I think we should get on with it, ok guys, you need to sit near the desk . { Then they all get up and move over to the radio presenter’s desk}

{Jason’s read}

” So yeah, today, I thought that it would be a great idea to do a radio show, because my friend is on holiday, weird story actually, so basically, he called me around 10 pm, but the weirdest thing was, that on the phone call profile, it said unknown, so I thought, ” What the actual heck, why is it unknown ?”, and it should of showed his original name, but it looked like he was running from an asylum or some shit, and then I heard loud shouting in the back round, it sounded like a fox coop, so was like, ” forget this, I’m not dealing with it, I’m just gonna do it and never mind the maniac ” but yeah, you know, I blocked his number anyway, that’s when you know I’ve had enough .

{Then Delsin starts shouting in the microphone and there’s music playing}

Delsin} Alright alright alright, wooooooooooo, yeah !!! . { Then he starts dancing on the table, with his arms stretched in the air}

{Then Jason tries to maintain all of the equipment, because it’s all wobbling about} ” Delsin , what the hell ?.

Delsin} Party !!!!!! . { Then he gets off the table and does a weird dance, kicking his legs about}

{Then Tucker just stares at the camera, looking fed up but trying not to laugh}

{Tucker’s read}

” See this, this face says it all, it says ” Help me please, help me ”.

Leroy} No, I’m not gonna dance, I told you I don’t like dancing, it makes me feel weird inside .

{Few minutes later, Leroy starts jumping everywhere, and doing a weird dance, with his hands stretched out and tip toeing on his 2 legs, and then everybody else joined in}

{When all of the dancing stopped, everybody sat down at their table and did a pop quiz}

{Jason starts talking into the microphone}

Jason} Ok guys, welcome to Hackney vinyl destination, with me your host, DJ Hazza , I hope you’re doing well, we have some great tracks for you, so make sure to stay tuned, and after the music break, we are gonna be doing a pop quiz, anybody who gets the question right will win a Jaguar and 10 million pounds, entries cost 2 quid, and lines close on the 25 June, keep entering .

{Then Tucker turns around slowly and looks at Jason in a funny way}

Tucker} DJ Hazza, are you for real with me ?.

Jason} Shhhh, be quiet, you’re ruining the whole vibe .

Tucker} That would make you look like a total shitter if you call yourself that .

Jason} No I wouldn’t, it’s called improvisation, have you heard of it ?.

Tucker} Yes I have, but you’re using it for the wrong use, you don’t need improvisation for calling yourself a hazard .

Jason} I didn’t call myself a hazard, I called myself Hazza, that’s my made up screen name .

Tucker} Oh is it ?, alright then, we’ll see about that .

{Then Delsin starts talking into the microphone}

Delsin} Ok guys, sorry about the back round effects and noises, apparently, the system crossed over with another system and it creates a espienarge of shite, but we have got it back on track, so anyway, right now, you are listening to the sounds of Hackney Vinyl destination, it’s about 6 oclock, and I have a very special tune coming on next, so stay tuned and enjoy the radio show . { Then suddenly starts playing a song called Nam Mun Pang by Sroeng Santi}

Jason} What the hell ?.

Delsin} Stop it, don’t ruin my moment . { Then he gets up and then starts to dance on the tables}

{Then Jason just face palms, and Leroy and Tucker just start laughing their  heads off}

{Jason’s read}

” Can we just speed this up a bit, yeah, I feel like I’m gonna be sick, and that is the after effect when you watch someone dance on a table to god knows what song ”

{Then Jason runs over to the microphone and pulls the transmitter out and leaves with Tucker and Leroy} ” Keep up the good work, Tarquin, keep playing the tunes, man . { Then they leave}

{ Then Delsin starts dancing, then he stops and turns around and realizes that the boys have left}

Delsin} Guys, where are you ?, oh for god sake .

{Meanwhile in the corridor, Tucker is laughing his head off}

Jason} Do you think he knows that we pulled out the transmitter ?.

Leroy} Nah .

{Then suddenly, Delsin comes out and finds them}

Delsin} ya, what the hell were you thinking ?.

Leroy} Oh hi Delsin , didn’t know you were here, I thought that you were doing radio .

Tarquin} I was, until you unplugged the transmitter, what the bloody hell are you thinking ?.

Tucker} Anyway, what song were you playing ?.

Delsin } I don’t know, this song, I heard it on the radio, I thought that it would be good to play it .

Jason} It was awful, you almost deafened us .

Delsin} Don’t care, I’m gonna go and carry on with radio .

{Then they are back in the radio room}

Jason} Ok guys, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, it’s time for the pop quiz .

Delsin} Jason, it’s 10 45, nobody’s asking you for a pop quiz .

Jason} Shut up .

{ Then suddenly, Leroy comes in through the door, wearing a lion costume, and nobody knows why}

Tucker} Oh my god, Leroy, what are you wearing ?.

Delsin} He’s wearing a lion costume and half of the population are confused, and he’s got a tail as well, see, no one’s happy with their ass anymore .

Jason} Leroy, what’s up with the lion costume ?.

Leroy} There’s like a bloody storage box of costumes in the next room down, I don’t know why though, these people must be mad .

Tucker} Ok first of all, I understand your effortless efforts in dressing nice, but looking like an utter shitter, and second of all, what has a lion got to do with the pop quiz .

Leroy} Oh yeah, nobody told you, innit ?, the reason why I’m wearing a lion costume, is because I classify myself as a lion .

Tucker} But, you’re not a lion though, innit ?, oh my god . { As he stretched his arms out and then face palmed}

Leroy} Hey, who said I wasn’t ?.

Jason} Omg man, god help us all . { Then he leans backwards and puts his face in his hands}

{Then Delsin plays the next song, and Hypersonic Missiles by Sam Fender}

Delsin} Omg, I love this song, it’s called um, Hydrosonic Missiles . { As he turns around and talks to everybody}

Jason} Delsin, what are you talking about ?, it’s called Hypersonic Missiles, not Hydrosonic Missiles, Hydrosonic is a toothbrush brand .

Delsin} No it’s not, Jason, it’s called hydrosonic Missiles, that’s what the title says .

{Then Tucker is in the corner of the room, sitting on a chair, just laughing and grinning at the camera}

{ Delsin starts talking into the microphone}

Delsin} Alright yall, sorry to keep you waiting, but now it’s time for the pop quiz, if you hear any stupid voices in the back round, they belong to these strangers or should I say, friends, cause I don’t know them, they just came into the studio, so, let’s get started, ok so, you have to say ” Jason is my gynaecologist ”, so when I call you, don’t say hello, and if you say the quote, you’ll win tickets to go to Noel Gallagher’s high flying birds concert in Manchester, ok good luck .

Jason} What, Delsin , what on earth was that about ?.

Delsin} Epicness, that’s what it was about .

Jason} Bloody hell, Jason is my gynaecologist, why did you use my name ?.

{Then Delsin shushes Jason, then the phone rings and Delsin picks it up}

Delsin} Oh, we have a contestant, hello .

{The person on the phone} Hello .

Delsin} Ohhh, sorry, you lost your chance, you was supposed to say the quote, you just lost your chance on recieving the tickets .

{ the person makes a breathing noise}

Delsin} Sorry, unlucky, see you next time . { Then he puts the phone down}

Jason} What on earth was that ?.

Delsin} No idea, bloody time waster, I ain’t got time for these people, I don’t even know why people bother to enter if they don’t know what they are doing .

{Then at Jason’s friend’s house, his friend is listening to the radio show and is disappointed}

His friend} What on earth is this shit, I can’t believe that this is on my radio show, these people are idiots . { Then he suddenly hears shouting in the backround}

His friend} What the hell, what is this ?.

Back to the studio, Jason, Tucker and Leroy are fighting, whilst Tarquin is dancing and singing on the table}

Tucker} Don’t do that again, you hear me, you shitter . { Then he pushes Leroy}

{Then Delsin still carries on singing and dancing}

{But then suddenly, Jason’s friend turns up at the studio}

Jeff} Oh my god, what on earth are you doing ?.

Jason} Oh hello mate, what are you doing here ?.

His friend} Well I thought, you know, surprise, thought I’d come and see on how you were getting on .

Jason} I thought you were on holiday .

his friend} I wasn’t, I was just hiding in the cellar in my apartment, then I turned on the radio and heard everything that was shit, I’m gonna ask you to leave, please get out of my studio, get out, get out, get out now .

Jason} Ok ok ok, we’re going, good luck with radio, not like it’s any different from ours, good day sir, good day . { And they walk off}

{Jason’s read}

” Long story short, never doing radio again ” .

End of mocumentary script .