In The City , Mocumentary Script, Just Stop It With Your Crap

{ First scene, Tucker is sitting on the floor}

Tucker} Am I the only person on the planet, who thinks that the Earth is flat ?, Do you know what, the other day, I was walking in the forest and when I looked up, I saw a avalanche and there were 5 weird parts floating around it, I don’t know if I am going mad but I think it’s real, if you say that it’s a fake superstition , get the hell out of here .

{ Next scene, Everybody’s in Jason’s office}

Jason} Alright guys, how are we doing ?.

Tucker} Yeah, we’re ok, what do you need us for ?.

Jason} Oh well, I was gonna chat to you about a few local crime rates .

Tucker} Crime rates ?.

Jason} Yes, I am very surprised , what’s wrong with Lawrence ?.

Tucker} Oh, he’s just a bit fustrated about something .

Jason} Oh is he , what’s he fustrated about ?.

Tucker} Oh um, he doesn’t want to talk about it .

Jason} Well, I’m just gonna talk to him .

Tucker} Ok .

Jason} Delsin, are you ok ?.

Delsin} I am fine .

Jason} Are you sure ?.

Delsin} What do you mean, ‘Are you sure ? ”, of course I’m sure .

Jason} Are you fustrated about anything ?.

Delsin} Ok, I am fustrated about the satelite .

Jason} Are you being serious, a satelite ?.

Delsin} Yeah, I have this satelite on my roof, yeah, and Tucker stole it .

Jason} Tucker !!!! .

Tucker} What, it wasn’t me .

Delsin} Yes it was, you liar .

Jason} Delsin , calm down .

Delsin} Ohh, you steal my satelite, I’ll steal you .

Tucker} How the hell can you steal me ?.

Delsin} I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want to , you’re an idiot .

{Tucker gasps}

Delsin} Yes, you heard right .

Jason} Well, did you steal it, Tucker ?.

Tucker} No, I didn’t, case closed .

Jason} Are you sure ?.

Tucker} What do you mean ” Are you sure ?”, bloody hell Jason , anyway, why are you so angry about a satelite ?.

Delsin} Oh my god, do I look like I live in Halfords ?.

Jason} It isn’t a big deal .

Delsin} Omg, this is like saying, that your dad is your son .

Jason} What are you on about ?.

Delsin} You can be my bloody translator , can you translate Cantonese ?.

{Tucker’s read}

” I have had enough of people undermining me, it’s like talking to 2 brick walls, and they don’t even talk .

{ Delsin looks at Jason with a fed up kind of look

Jason} Look, why don’t I make you a cup of tea ?.

Delsin} No, I don’t want a bloody cup of tea, do you even understand me, am I talking Spanish ?.

Jason} No, it’s so unecessary, are you trying to put up a fight ?.

Delsin} I don’t know, maybe, maybe I’m not, but it’s none of your business .

Tucker} Ok, first of all, I didn’t, I didn’t steal your satelite, it might of got blown off by the wind .

Delsin} You are stupid, you are so full of shit that you’d disappear off the face of the Earth without trace .

Tucker} Can you see, the sort of the crap that I have to put up with ?.

Delsin} You don’t even have to put up with it, just don’t bloody get involved .

Jason} I think that we’ll have to do something about this .

Delsin} Oh, and what are you gonna do ?, send us to an asylum ?.

Tucker} Yeah, cause if you are, take Lawrence with you .

Jason} I’m not sending you to an asylum .

Tucker} Ok, then what other stupid idea do you have ?.

Jason} I don’t know, we’ll need to have a negotiation .

{ Delsin’s read}

” Seriously, Jason talks so much guff, that you can see half of it falling out of his mouth .

Delsin} This wouldn’t of happened if you returned the satelite, where is the satelite ?.

Tucker} For the last time, I don’t have it  .

Delsin} Tucker, you are lying, your pants are on fire .

Tucker} Oh piss off .

Jason} Guys, enough .

Delsin} Alright Jason, it seems like you have all of the answers .

Jason} I don’t though .

Delsin} Ok, what ever that is, that is a lie .

Leroy} Guys, what the hell is going on ?

Delsin} Oh hi Leroy, had a nice sleep, you lazy git .

Jason} Leroy, do you know anything about this ?.

Leroy} No .

Tucker} Ok, you get your answer and you shrivel it around and it turns into shite .

Leroy} But, I seriously don’t know, how am I supposed to know if I’m asleep ?.

Delsin} Well then, don’t sleep then, innit ?.

Jason} Guys, I am getting sick of this conversation, can any of you just confess , so we can just get this over with ?.

Leroy sighs} ” Ok, I stole it .

Tucker} What ?.

Delsin} I knew it .

Jason} Leroy, what was the purpose of stealing it ?.

Leroy} Well, I don’t want to seem like an idiot, but I stole it so I could use it to make a shield because I was playing the real life Skyrim , don’t punch me .

Delsin} Why the hell were you playing Skyrim ?.

Leroy} Well, I was bored, innit ?.

Delsin} Jesus Leroy, there’s shit coming out of your mouth and ears .

Leroy} Are you saying that I’m lying ?.

Delsin} Yes, yes I am .

Tucker} Why the hell would you use a satelite for a shield ?.

Leroy} It is called, Improvisation, maybe if you had an imagination you’d understand .

Delsin} Omg, you are in a dream land, there’s like 5 flipping satelites strapped onto your body , bloody hell Leroy, what were you thinking ?.

Tucker} See, see that, it was Leroy, it wasn’t me, in your face .

{ Tucker’s read}

” So yeah, that whole time, Lawrence was blaming me, little did he know, it wasn’t me, ha ha, in your face Lawrence .

Delsin} If you promise to give back my satelite, I won’t punch you in the Groin .

Leroy} Ok, I’ll give it back .

Delsin} Hand it over .

{Leroy hands over the satelite}

Delsin} Ok thank you very much , oh god, why is there mud all over it ?.

Leroy} I have been using it in the garden .

Delsin} Oh geez, can you clean it ?.

Leroy} Nope, you are on your own with that one, mate . { Runs out of the office}

End of script .