In The City, Mocumentary Script, Dead Beats And Bores

{First scene,  Tucker is doing another tour of the area}

Tucker} Ok so, let me tell you something about this place, so here, a fortune teller used to pay a visit to the local area, and on every Monday, she used to come and do readings. So when she came, she got the whole thing wrong and she knew nothing about fortune telling, and she brang her fortune telling globe and she just sat there, pointlessly whispering to herself, and she said ” I see a dark side in you ” and it was embarrassing , and after that, Jason fired her, and he also tried to hypnotize her and he stole her globe, and just whispered absolute gibberish in it, he said, ” Gabba Agabba ”, it was disturbing .

{Next scene, Everybody’s in Jason’s office}

Delsin} Why are we here ?.

Tucker} Yeah, why are we here ?.

Jason} Well, I’m gonna hold a special evening .

Leroy} What special evening ?.

Jason} Well, I wouldn’t wanna ruin the surprise .

Delsin} Jason, stop acting crusty, and just tell us the truth .

Jason} Ok well, a bunch of people are gonna be coming here to join .

Delsin} Omg, I don’t know what to make of it .

Jason} Are you being sarcastic ?.

Delsin} Yes, of course I am, I hate people .

Jason} No, that’s a bit harsh .

Delsin} No Jason, this is the real world, you are not with the tellytubbies, in the real world, people shit in your mouth .

Jason} No, they don’t, you are reading it wrong .

Delsin} No, I am reading it right, you are reading it wrong .

Jason} Oh come on, why don’t you meet them, you’ll like them .

Delsin} No, if you force me to meet them, I’ll find a plim sole and beat you with it .

Jason} They should be here, any minute now .

{Knock on the door}

Jason} Oh, they are here, I won’t be long .

{ Goes to open the door}

{Jason introducing the people to Lawrence, Leroy and Tucker}

Jason} Hello, everybody, this is Ron and Rebecca , Ron and Rebecca, this is Lawrence .

Delsin} Hi .

Jason} And this is Tucker .

Tucker} Hey .

Jason} And this is Leroy .

Leroy} Hello .

Jason} Would you like a cup of tea ?.

Ron } No thank you .

Jason} You ?.

Rebecca} Oh, no thanks, I’m good .

Jason} Ok , I’m just gonna be a few minutes, I won’t keep you waiting .

{ Leaves the room}

{A few minutes}

Delsin} Jason, why are you making us do this ?.

Jason} This is a new experience for you .

Delsin} Nope, not my experience .

Jason} Oh come on, why don’t you enjoy doing this ?.

Delsin} Because, should I tell you why ?, because people are the worst .

Jason} So, if you hate people, do you hate yourself ?.

Delsin} What kind of a dumb question is that ?.

Jason} I’m saying, that if you hate people, you must hate yourself .

Delsin} Well, that’s dumb because I’m not a person .

Jason} What, yes you are ,  are you crazy or something ?.

Delsin} No, I think that you have lost your marbles , mate .

Jason} Delsin, you are a human, ok, that’s what you are .

Delsin} You come out with shit sometimes, you know that ?.

Jason} Look, why don’t you just talk to these people .

Delsin} Uh uh, I’m not talking to nobody .

Jason} Why not ?.

Delsin} It’s because, this room is full with dead beats and bores, or, or pretentious pifflers .

Jason} Bloody hell, what is wrong with you, where do you find these phrases ?.

Delsin} Don’t ask me, ask the birds outside .

{ Jason’s read}

” Omg, I am so fed up, if I could blow the walls up, I would, but I know that that’s not the case, and I’ll be arrested for doing so , so while I scream my guts out in a bucket, you can carry on with your schedule , thank you .

Delsin} This room is filled with idiots, I don’t want to get involved .

Jason} Omg, can you just bite your tongue and just bloody do it .

Delsin} Well, I am not gonna follow those instructions .

Leroy} Hey Delsin, come and check this out, this girl knows how to sing with her mouth closed .

Delsin} Bloody hell, Leroy, aren’t you interested in anything else ?.

{ Delsin’s read}

” Bloody hell, what was Jason thinking ?, baffling, I knew that would happen, only Jason would come up with these things .

Tucker} Delsin, aren’t you gonna talk and engage with these people ?.

Delsin} No, of course I’m not, who’d like to talk to these idiots ?.

Tucker} Because it’s interesting .

Delsin} Um no, it is not interesting, what planet are you on ?.

Tucker} The normal planet, Lawrence, you are probably on Mars .

Delsin} What topics are these people gonna talk about ? .

Tucker} Well, they have been talking about them being on a job search and leaving university .

Delsin} Nah, they are not talking about those topics, they are talking about them seeing a floating dead plastic bag , that floats and bounces off of cars for 10 weeks and months and the council  , where are you finding the other stuff ?.

Tucker} I know that you don’t like people and social interactions but you need to bite your lip and dive head first in the process .

Delsin} Bloody hell, when did you turn into Little Bo Peep, first, you was a sheep, and now you are a shepherd .

Tucker} That makes no sense, what so ever .

Delsin} Yeah, but it will sink in, in a few years time .

Tucker} Can’t you just do it, for once in your lifetime ?.

Delsin} Ok fine, I’ll do it, but I’m gonna hate you for this .

Tucker} Yeah whatever .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Hah hah hah, I can’t believe he agreed to this, it’s hilarious , he’ll fall for any shit you throw at him .

{ Delsin’s read}

” grrrrrr, I can’t believe he made me do this, I hate him .

Delsin} Ok, here goes nothing, you asked for this , Tucker, now you’re gonna get it . ” Hello, who are you, what are you doing here, did you step in dog shite, are you bloody enjoying this ? ” , do you like watching dead plastic bags floating on cars ? .

Person} Silence}

Delsin} See, I made it .

Tucker} Delsin, what the hell was that ?.

Delsin} What was what ?.

Tucker} You talking that woman , are you out of your mind ?.

Delsin} Yeah, what else was I supposed to talk about, asking her if she knows how to talk dog ?.

Tucker} Omg, that was awful .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Hah hah hah .

{Leroy’s read}

” Watching Delsin talk to that person, was like watching somebody talk to a horse, it was disturbing .

Delsin} I’m sorry but you made me do this, you should get the shit dumped on your head .

{Jason walks in}

Jason} Hey everybody .

Tucker} Oh hi .

Jason} What’s wrong with Delsin ?.

Tucker} He’s basically been through the embarrassment of himself .

Jason} But why though, why’s he embarrassed ?.

Leroy} Well, it’s related to the event that we threw here .

Jason} Oh yeah, how did it go ?.

Delsin} It was shit .

Jason} And why is that ?.

Delsin} Tucker forced me to have a conversation with a person .

Jason} Oh, did he ?.

Delsin} Yes, and he told me to say these stupid things .

Tucker} I didn’t tell him to say stupid things .

Jason} Hold on, hold on, what’s happening here ?.

Delsin} Basically, Tucker told me to talk to some woman, and he just sat there laughing and whispering all sorts of crap in Leroy’s ear .

Jason} Right, and what did you talk about ?.

Tucker} Delsin started making up bullshit about a floating plastic bag .

Delsin} Well yeah, what else was I supposed to talk about ?.

Jason} I don’t see what the problem is .

Delsin} Yeah, of course you don’t, you don’t see anything .

Jason} Ok, and did she talk back to you ?.

Delsin} No, she just stared at me, it looked like she was watching somebody getting murdered .

Jason} Well, that’s kind of unusual .

Tucker} Yes, of course it is, nobody’s gonna talk back to you if you talk to them about stepping in dog shite and plastic bags .

Delsin} Well, that’s what you told me to say .

Tucker} For the last time, I didn’t tell you to say that .

Jason} Ok enough, I don’t think we can sort this out, so just go outside, I’ll see you tomorrow .

Delsin} Ok fine, but just so you know, Tucker made me say that .

Tucker} Shut up, I didn’t .

{ Delsin’s read}

” I am so mad at Tucker, he should get the nod for that , not me .

{ Tucker’s read}

” Just a reminder, I didn’t force him to say that, he made it up himself .

{ Delsin’s read}

” I didn’t make it up, if he says that again, I’m gonna beat him to death with my shoe .

{Tucker’s read}

” Yeah right, we’ll see about that .

 

End of Mocumentary script .