Hackney Diaries, Joe Introduces Some New Shows, script

Joe} Hello.

Hayley} Hey.

Joe} Are you ok?, are you still upset about the driving test ?.

Hayley} No, why would I be?, it is just a stupid piece of paper.

Joe} Are you telling the truth ?.

Hayley} I am fine Joe.

Joe} silence]

Hayley} sighs] Ok , I am upset about that.

Joe} Why?, it is only a license.

Hayley} Yeah, but you don’t understand Joe, it is not just a piece of paper, it is a license, and you can drive with it.

Joe} I know but not everyone passes, you have to work for it.

Hayley } What work ?, you don’t need to do anything else but rotate the steering wheel.

Joe} Not exactly .

Hayley} Oh, so you know about cars now ?, did you get a degree ?.

Joe} No, what the hell are you on about ?.

Hayley} Joe listen, as far as I know, you don’t even know about Volkswagon cars.

Joe} How random ?, and I do know.

Hayley] Ok, then tell me a fact.

Joe} Volkswagon cars are really fast, I don’t know.

Hayley} Joe, that is the worst fact I have ever heard from anyone.

Joe} well, you asked me , so.

Hayley} Yeah, so ?.

Joe} I don’t think you know about cars  either, so don’t outshadow me.

Hayley} Well, I am the one that isn’t answering the question.

Joe} What are you watching ?.

Hayley} Nothing.

Joe} No, tell me.

Hayley } You wouldn’t get it.

Joe} No,  I think I would get it.

Hayley} Ok, I am watching The Big Wind Up.

Joe} What the hell is that ?.

Hayley} It is a game show where they get 10 contestants  to wind up each other. funny right ?.

Joe} No, it is not funny, how the hell can you watch that ?, it sounds like crap .

Hayley } It is actually not crap, you are crap, it is good .

Joe} Well, really people winding each eachother up would not make a good tv show.

Hayley} Well, you don’t know.

Joe} Trust me, I know, it happens in real life every day, let alone a game show.

Hayley} And where do you witness that ?.

Joe} Are you kidding me ?, have you been living under a rock ?.

Hayley } No, and it is a house, get your facts right.

Joe } Whatever, watch your dumb tv show, the Big Find Up or whatever it’s called.

Hayley} It is called The Big Wind Up ok.

Joe} Yeah, whatever.

Hayley } You know, you should come and watch it, you might like it.

Joe} What that ?, no way.

Hayley} Joe, stop being stubborn.

Joe} I am not being stubborn.

Hayley} Well , at a part you was stubborn.

Joe} Hayley, I don’t think you understand that everybody is interested in different things.

Hayley} No, I do understand, you think that it is crap, that means that it is crap.

Joe} No, it is not like that.

Hayley} You probably watch more worse tv shows.

Joe} No , I have to worry about you more.

Hayley} What is that supposed to mean ?.

Joe} Well, the shows you watch are much worse, you know what that means .

Hayley} Yeah, but The Big Wind Up is funny.

Joe} I know , but watching people get wound up in real life is more funny, on the tv , it is just all for show.

Hayley} Yeah, that is what makes it look realistic.

Joe} Hayley, dream on, you’ll never find a show that’s realistic ever, but dream on though.

Hayley}  Yeah, but what about The Great British Take off ?.

Joe} What, do you mean The Great British Bake Off ?.

Hayley} No, The Great British Take off and The great British Bake Off are two different things, in The Great British Bake off, they bake cakes, in the Great British Take off, they throttle each other.

Joe} Well, obviously, it is set up, if it was real, it would be a disgrace.

Hayley } Right, so you mean that the bruises and blood is just paint and makeup ?.

Joe} Yeah, exactly.

Hayley} I still think it looks realistic, I don’t care that it is fake.

Joe} Well, you have to care.

Hayley} What about?, What’s Eating Sally’s Brain, is that fake too?.

Joe} Yep.

Hayley} How can it be fake ?.

Joe} Well, the first thing is that the footage looks fake, and the next thing is that , if somebody tried to look at the physics of your brain, you’d get sued.

Hayley} How the hell would you get sued for looking in somebody’s brain ?.

Joe} It is because of the weird world in society we live in, I know , it is dumb.

Hayley} Geez , I think my head’s gonna explode, that’s a lot of history right there.

Joe} Yeah, these shows are kind of dumb, to be honest.

Hayley} Yeah, but that is not gonna stop me from watching them.

Joe} Seriously ?, all of that effort for nothing.

Hayley} Come on Joe, these shows are my life, I can’t just leave them.

Joe} What ?, those, your life?, you must be joking.

Hayley} I am not , I am being serious, what else am I supposed to watch ?.

Joe} I’ll find something good.

Hayley} If it is something to do with some person going up an escalator , I am not watching it.

Joe} What?, no, I am not finding that, where the hell did you find that anyway ?.

Hayley} I don’t know, I found it on the internet.

Joe} I am telling you now, you shouldn’t go on your phone before going to bed.

Hayley} What’s that got to do with anything ?.

Joe} Ok, I found a bunch of things.

Hayley} I hope that it isn’t something stupid.

Joe} It is nothing stupid, this is the proper stuff.

Hayley} What is proper ?.

Joe} Right, I see your head has been filled with too much thick you can’t process wisdom, that’s a problem.

Hayley} Joe, I came here to watch tv shows, not to reflect on how messed up my brain is .

Joe} Yeah, but you need to revise.

Hayley} Who the hell needs to revise for watching tv?, what world are you in ?.

Joe} I am in the normal world, this is normal.

Hayley} I wanna know if you revise before watching tv, and if you are not just making me look stupid for nothing , that’s not normal.

Joe} Unfortunatly, you are never gonna find out the answer, sadly.

Hayley} Well, that is just sad.

end of script