Behind The Looking Glass , The Mission In The Supermarket Script

David} Hey, can we quickly have a chat ?.

Craig} Sure .

David} I had a nightmare , last night .

Craig} Really , a nightmare ayy ?.

David} Yes, it was awful .

Craig} Right ok, what do you want me to do ?.

David} I don’t want you to do anything, just listen to me, I’ll explain it to you .

Craig} Ok .

David} Ok so, so I had a nightmare where, I got locked in the department building .

Craig} Yeah, then what ?.

David} Then, I had to escape by coming through the roof .

Craig} Ok, then what happened ?.

David} Then, when I thought it had ended , Collin came out with the bloody num chucks , knocked me tooth out .

Craig} Ok first of all , where the hell did he get the num chucks from ?.

David} I don’t know, I am not surprised, the guy’s a nutcase .

Collin} Who’s a nutcase ?.

David} Oh uh, nobody .

Collin} You know I heard everything ?.

David} No, you didn’t hear anything .

Collin} Right, I have another job for you .

David} What is it this time ?.

Craig} Yeah, I have had enough of your shit .

David} Yeah me too .

Collin} Can you guys just listen to me , for once ?.

David} What do you mean ?, we listen to you every day, including tomorrow, yesterday, then the upcoming days .

Collin} No, you don’t get it, do you ?.

Craig} Yes, you don’t get it, sir .

Collin} Don’t try and political correct me .

David} Ok, whatever man .

Craig} Why are you still talking to us ?.

David} Yeah, did you want us to do anything ?.

Collin} Yes, don’t make me look like an idiot in front of you, the only thing you are doing, is making yourselves look stupid .

David} Wow, did you hear that, Craig ?.

Craig} Hear what ?.

David} Collin said that we have to stop acting stupid , because we are already stupid enough .

Craig} Woah, I’m scared now, I just shit myself { Mocking him being scared}

David} Yeah, if you want us to stop , you have to try it , yourself .

Collin} Just shut up, you pretentious pifflers , get a room .

David} What do you want us to do , then ?.

Collin} You need to go to the supermarket, somebody has nicked something .

David} Ok, let’s go then .

Craig} Wait, how are we gonna get there ?.

Collin} You’ll need to travel by train .

David} A train ?.

Craig} Ok, we might as well head off , see ya .

{ They are now walking outside }

David} What train are we supposed to catch ?.

Craig} I don’t know, it says the National Express , the next one coming .

David} Right ok .

{ The train arrives }

Craig} Woah a train, it’s massive isn’t it ?.

David} Craig, are you drunk ?.

Craig} Am I drunk on drinks no, am I drunk on living, yes .

David} Whatever .

{ They got on the train}

Craig} It’s hot in here, isn’t it ?.

David} No, not really .

{ A person sits in the front and faces them}

{ David tries not to stare at him , but looks awkward }

David} Craig, would it be ok if we could talk ?, I just don’t want to face this person .

Craig} Ok , .

{ Craig’s phone rings} ” Hello .

David} Omg, are you kidding me ?,{Whispers, face palms and leans back}

{ They finally get to the supermarket}

David} We are finally here, that took forever .

Craig} It was only a few minutes .

David} Few minutes ?, felt like an hour .

Craig} That’s only because you were facing people .

David} It might of been fine for you, you had something to do .

Craig} Why are you so awkward on trains, anyway ?.

David} You don’t understand the half of it , first of all, you don’t know because you are not me, secondly , you’d wish that you wasn’t me .

Craig} What did you do the whole time ?.

David} I looked at the ceiling , wishing that I wouldn’t have to be on a trip like this .

Craig} Yeah, but you’ll look like a freak, you looked like you were turning up to your death , is it really that bad ?.

David} Yes it is Craig, yes it is , yes it is .

Craig} Ok, stop saying ” yes it is ” .

David} I can say what I want .

Craig} What are we gonna do in the supermarket , anyway ?.

David} Apparently, we are there to have a party, and expect bloody malice .

Craig} No, we are here to detect who stole stuff from the shop .

David} Same thing .

Craig} No, not exactly .

David} Well that’s just bloody disappointing .

Craig} What , did you think that Collin sent us here to have a party or something ?.

David} Well, that’s what you are supposed to do .

{Collin calls David and Craig}

David} Hello Collin, what do you want from us ?.

Collin} ” What do you want from us ?”, I’m calling you to ask you if you found the thief yet ?.

David} No, the answer is no, we haven’t found him yet, how are we supposed to find the thief in this place ?.

Collin} Well , you can make a bloody effort by searching for him .

David} I’m not bloody doing that , you can .

Collin} I am not, I can’t, I’m far away from the supermarket , I can’t fly .

Craig} Do you actually know on who he or she looks like ?.

Collin} No, that’s not my problem .

David} Of course it is, you are supposed to warn us, you are the one who gets the details , not us , if the shit hits the fan, I’ll be laughing, mate .

Craig} And, I’ll be there when it does .

{ Puts the phone down}

Craig} David, have you had any worst days of your life, if you have, what happened in them ?.

David} I think that I am participating in one, right now .

Craig} What ?.

David} This is the worst day of my life, but then again, when do I not have worst days , many of my days are just like this .

Craig} It’s not that bad .

David} Yes it is, you are dancing on a gravy train , of course it’s bad , it’s not going on my CV .

Craig} Ok .

David} Who does Collin think we are ?, he thinks we can dance to the sound of his own flute of nonsense .

Craig} How dare he dig us in the ground ?.

David} Yeah, then he digs his in deeper .

Craig} I even wonder if this is a serious crime .

David} Yeah, I don’t see people nicking stuff .

Craig} Yeah, what are they gonna do ?. other then steal a Mars bar .

David } Yeah { Suddenly notices that somebody is actually stealing something }

David} Oh shit, somebody is stealing something , come quick .

Craig} Ok, { Runs with him}

{ Craig suddenly realizes that David has disappeared}

Craig} Shit, where’s David gone ?.{ While dealing with the thief }

{ Craig turns around and sees David in a truck}

Craig} David !!!! .

David} Leave it to me, Put the bloody thing down, you piffler .

Craig} David, get down from there .

David} Mission accomplished !!! .

 

{ They are now back at the department}

David} And that’s the end of our story .

Collin} Wow, this has been the only mission that you did correctly .

Craig} Really ?.

Collin} Yeah, I think that you are ready to move up a level .

David} Really ?.

Collin} Yeah, you redeemed yourself, I’m very proud of you, I thought you were useless , but you’ve really become somebody .

Collin} Yes, what do you say ?, do you want to move up ?.

David} No, I am happy where I am , this is where I belong .

Collin} Ok .

David} Bodging up missions is my thing, and I don’t want it to change .

Collin} Ok Craig, what about you ?.

Craig} Yeah, I’m happy where I am too .

Collin} Cool, if you need me, I’ll be in my office .

Last scene} David and Craig do a freeze frame}

End of script .