A Struggling Writer Has A Mental Breakdown Script 8

{Warning, this script contains strong language and adult humor}

{First scene, Richard is called back into the councillor’s office once again}

Richard} Has it ever occured to you that my stories sound like a distopian version of Shakespeare ?. Like with everything. it sounds like a shit version of Shakespeare .

The councillor} No. why do you think that ?.

Richard} I don’t know, I just think it sounds shit .

The councillor} Oh come on, surely it can’t be that bad .

Richard} Oh trust me, it is .

The councillor} Oh come on, read me the first draft, have you wrote it yet ?.

Richard} Yeah I wrote it, I just don’t think I’m ready yet .

The councillor} It’s fine, just read me the first paragraph. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but me personally, I’d like to hear it .

Richard} Oh ok, I’ll read it then, right . Fairies amongst the green green grass, I ya wyah, I am on my way, I am the chosen one, I don’t know what that means but whatever it is, I will return and I will provide for the yorgas.

The councillor} Yeah no, you’re right, that is shit .

Richard} I told you, didn’t I ?.

The councillor} Hm, but don’t worry though. First drafts are usually really shit. That’s something every writer has in common .

Richard} Oh crap, then I have a long way to go .

The councillor} It’s fine though, it’s the journey, it’s the journey .

Richard} Right well, whatever journey that is, it’s a fucking shit journey .

The councillor} Richard, you musn’t think like that. You’ve gotta take everything with a pinch of salt .

Richard} Salt, what fucking salt ?.

The councillor} It’s a metaphor .

Richard} Right well then, what the fuck does that mean ?.

The councillor} It means that you shouldn’t completely believe something you’re told if you don’t neccessarily think it’s true.

Richard} Oh well, that’s fucking brilliant, isn’t it ?. Gone are the days with adulthood, now we’re back in school .

The councillor} Richard, I’m doing this for your own good .

Richard} What good is that ?, what good ?. You asked me to read you my distopian story and you’re lecturing me on bloody salt . This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, sir . No, you bloody Gajearas . This is righteous bullshit, purgoutry. Don’t know what that means but I was told that it means politics in Latin . And no, I’m not gonna read you my story because it’s fucking shit .

The councillor} Why’s it shit ?.

Richard} It’s shit, because in the end, the king sinks the ship and he turns into his wife, then he turns into a fairy. Then, the troll at the top of the castle points at him and says ” You fairy ”. The king is no longer the king, he is pissed . And everyone in the shit land is doomed to the fucking moon and back. The End .

Silence}

The councillor} Bloody hell .

Richard} But yeah no, I was in some sort of a delirium. A delirium where I just didn’t know where it would end up, like, I never thought that it was gonna end that way. You know what I mean ?. I thought that in the end, everybody would be dancing amongst the stars and the saphires, all walking hand in hand, but hah, I guess not. Instead, it ends with all of them on a bloody gravy train . For fuck sake, gor blimey, I have truly made it into Hollywood .

The councillor} It’s still good though. It’s unexpected, when it comes, it hits you. That’s what a story is supposed to do, it’s not predictable .

Richard} No but it is predictable though. Oh come on, we all knew that it was gonna end this way, including you . The smoke’s in the water, wait no, there’s no smoke in the water, there’s bloody shit in the water and we could all smell it, it stinks, man .

The councillor} What shit in the water ?.

Richard} Yeah, cos everything is shit . You know that there’s this saying, it’s an old saying, it’s called ” Johnny Come Lately ”, well it’s not really Johnny Come Lately, isn’t it ?, it’s more like ” Johnny come fuck off ”. Johnny’s nowhere to be seen.

The councillor} Richard, calm down, your story’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just being creative, that’s all .

Richard} No it’s not, it’s shit . { He starts crying} ” Forget writing, it’s shit. I’m gonna go and do modelling instead . { He leaves}

The councillor} No don’t do that, it’s not your thing, Richard, modelling’s not your thing .

Richard} Oh, it’s right up my alley .

The councillor} What about the writing though ?.

Richard} Oh, the writing can fuck off. My stories are shit anyway,  if I carry on, I’ll end up writing a story about fucking geese . { He storms off}

The councillor stares at the camera}

The councillor} He’ll be back . { Then, he suddenly comes back after a few minutes}

Richard} Yeah no, it’s definetely not my thing, bloody hell .

End of script}