The Toffs Of London

The Toffs Of London is a show that I made up, it’s about 2 women called Beatrice and Camilla , they are posh and they tend to cause trouble on the streets , it is really funny, I write a script for it, enjoy .

{Beatrice is at home, watching tv}

{ The dustbin men are making noise}

Beatrice shouts at them} ”  Shut up, can you keep it down , please ?.

They carry on}

Beatrice} Shut up, what did I tell you ? .

Dustbin man} Sorry .

Beatrice} I’m paying for this, you know ?.

The dustbin man} Ok, well, clean it up yourself, you old bat .

Beatrice} What did you say to me ?, you want some ?, you bloody want some ?, I’ll give you some { Attacks him with a frying pan }

Beatrice} Bloody, shambles .

{ Follows the other scene, Camilla is on the streets }

Camilla randomly screaming at a bird} ” Move out of the bloody way ” .

Beatrice calls Camilla} ” Camilla .

Camilla} Yes, what is it ?.

Beatrice} Where are you ?.

Camilla} I’m at home .

Beatrice} No you liar, I know where you are, you are not at home, you are on the streets again .

Camilla} Oh yes, sorry .

Beatrice} So you know, these dustbin men, yeah ?.

Camilla} Yeah ?.

Beatrice} They are bloody shambles, the cancel tells me to pay them 100 pounds, when all they do is, come and break all of the dustbins ,  the lazy gits , anyway, you wanna come down ?.

Camilla} Yeah lovely , where are we gonna go ?.

Beatrice} We are gonna go shopping , I need bread .

Camilla} Oh ok, see you soon .

{ Beatrice and Camilla are walking on the streets}

Beatrice} Wow look, there’s a bench .

Camilla} Oh yeah, god, I’m tired .

{ A few minutes later}

Camilla is talking to a random stranger}

Camilla} Hello, why are you standing like that ?.

Person} Excuse me ?.

Camilla} I said, why do you stand there , like that ?, you should be standing up right .

Person } Silence}

Beatrice is talking to a bird}

Beatrice} Hello, do you speak English ?, I don’t understand what you are saying .

Camilla starts talking to another stranger}

Camilla} Hello, I’m a friend of Elizabeth Taylors .

Person looks confused}

{Beatrice finds and enters a public phone box}

Beatrice} Hello, Hello, Hello, hello people , this shit don’t work .

{Meanwhile, Camilla is in a shoe shop}

Assistant} Hello, can I help you ?.

Camilla mocks someone} ” Hello, can I can you ?, I don’t need your bloody help, I need 3 pairs of shoes, now, chop chop .

Meanwhile , Beatrice is out, busking on the streets, she steels somebody’s microphone }

Camilla} Starts singing Persian Market, }

Camilla} Sings gibberish .

Parent telling her kids}

Parents} Ok, let’s go .

Meanwhile, Beatrice is crossing the road}

Beatrice notices the traffic lights}]

Beatrice} Woah, what is that ?, I think it’s staring at me , { Starts telling it to go away and to stop staring at her}

Beatrice} No, go away , go away .

Meanwhile, Camilla is talking to another person}

Camilla} Hello, why do you smell ? .

{Person looks at her in a crossed way}

Camilla} Oh dear .{ Suddenly runs away }

{Camilla runs to find Beatrice}

Camilla} Beatrice, what are you doing ?.

Beatrice} I’m watching the birds race each other .

Camilla} They are not birds , they are pidgeons, and they are not racing each other, they fly in groups of hundreds, almost called herds .

Beatrice} Ok, did you speak to that man , over there ?.

Camilla} No, what about him ?.

Beatrice} He told me to go in that alley way { Points at the alley way }

Camilla} Did you go in there ?.

Beatrice} No, I don’t trust them .

{Camilla spots some man across the street}

Camilla} Oh look Beatrice, you see that man, over there ?.

Beatrice} Yes .

Camilla} He is three sheets to the wind{ Means drunk }

Beatrice} Oh yeah .

Camilla} Ok, I am very tired now, we should go home .

Beatrice} Ok, .

End of script .