The Boys Of New York City, Mocumentary Script, The Cooking Day

{First scene, Ponyboy is walking with Steve, Two Bit, Johnny and Dally}

Ponyboy} Oh for goodness sake, Steve, your breath stinks, when have you last brushed your teeth ?.

Steve} Uh excuse me, who are you to disrespect my teeth, why is it your business, anyway ?.

Ponyboy} Because you are breathing in my face, your mouth smells like your ass, you are a living toilet, it stinks of shit .

Two Bit} Pony, back your shit up, why you talking to Steve like that, huh, you have a problem or something ?.

Johnny} Wow, someone’s a karen .

Ponyboy} Oh shut up, what you talking about, fool .

Steve} Ponyboy, would you like it if I bit you, would that change your mind ?.

Ponyboy} Steve, no thank you, I don’t want that .

Dallas} Hah hah hah heh heh, a bite for 300 hundred dollars, come and get it at the counter at your local grocery store .

Johnny} Hah hah hah .

{Next scene, everyone is in Reggie’s office}

Dallas} Ooffff, Jesus Christ, why does it smell in here ?, what is that smell ?, Reg, did you take a shit or something ?.

Reggie} No of course not, I would never, why, what does it smell of ?.

Dallas} It’s like a mix of cabbage and a rainforest .

Johnny} But why would it smell like a rainforest here, that’s bizarre .

Steve} Of course it’s bizarre, an office isn’t a rainforest, what planet are you on ?.

Reggie} Oh do you know what, I think I know what you mean, it’s my lunch .

Dallas} What, lunch at two in the morning, you’d get botchalism like that ?.

Reggie} No of course not, this is the actual time when I have my lunch, then I have to carry on with my shift .

Dallas} Oh alright then, well don’t come running to me when you get botchalism, cause I won’t be here .

Ponyboy} Why did you bring us in your office, reg ?.

Reggie} Oh um, well, I was gonna tell you about this event that we are gonna be doing today, it is very exciting .

Dallas} No, you know what’s funny, your face and how you wear your tie on your stupid suit and how you walk .

Reggie} What do you mean, there’s no problem with either of those things, why are you throwing shade ?.

Dallas} The shade will be thrown when it needs to be thrown .

Johnny} Ohhhhhh, Dally throwing shade .

Two Bit} Back at it, hate crime, ge ge ge get us out, get us, get me out, hah hah hah . { Everyone starts laughing}

Reggie} Guys, please, listen to me .

Steve} Reggie, just carry on talking, don’t worry about them, they are clowns and jesters .

Reggie} Thank you, Steve, ok so, today, we are gonna be doing some cooking, how does that sound ?.

Dallas} Oh that sounds alright, to be fair, that’s what my brain is saying, but my heart is saying that it is a load of garbage .

Reggie} Why though, cooking is fun, in fact, it’s very fun .

Dallas} Oh come on, Reg, let’s face it, you are not gonna make anything fancy, as soon as you step foot in that kitchen, you are gonna cook hamburgers and fries, don’t be posh, I know a tramp when I see one .

Reggie} Why do you think I’m gonna cook hamburgers and fries, have you lost your mind ?.

Dallas} No, I haven’t, I never lose my mind, as far as I’m concerned, I’m telling you straight .

Reggie} Oh are you, ok then .

{Reggie’s read}

” What has this come to, I was expecting for today to be a cooking lesson and now, it’s a stupid talk off, I’m telling those stupid boys to get involved in some social interactions, right, and this is the thanks I get, stupid ” .

Johnny} Look Dally, you’d rather hold a spatula in your hand then taking out the trash .

Dallas} Yes I know, but you don’t get it, Johnny, if I hold a spatula in my hand, I’m gonna look dumb, have you seen the amount of people who get sent to an asylum for doing that ?, Jesus .

Steve} Oh come on, Dally, it’s not that bad, do you have any experience in cooking ?, if so, why do you hate it so much ?.

Dallas} Oh, cause you know why ?, it’s because, someone chased me with a spatula in the street .

Ponyboy} What are the chances of that happening ?.

Dallas} Hundreds .

Reggie} Wait hold on, why would someone chase you with a spatula, is there a reason for that ?.

Dallas} Don’t ask me, Reg, don’t you dare, is it the way I walk, is it the way I run, is it the way I style my hair, could he have thought that I was Scarface, Oh god, it’s getting to my head .

Two Bit} Why the hell would someone believe that you are Scarface, I mean look at you, you don’t dress like him, you don’t talk like him either .

Dallas} It’s because people are stupid, they’ll believe any shit you throw at them, maybe I am Scarface and I just don’t know it yet .

Reggie} Well I’m sure that it won’t happen this time, we’re gonna do it in a building, not the street, so it should be fine .

Dallas} I don’t know, man, is it fine, is it ?.

Ponyboy} Dallas, stop worrying about getting attacked with a spatula, you get paranoia like that, you want paranoia ?.

Dallas} I, don’t talk shit, please .

Ponyboy} Ok first of all, some weird dude chasing you with a spatula has nothing to do with cooking, in cooking, right ?, you use spoons, eggs, flour and like sugar and stuff .

Dallas} That’s just creepy, Sounds like bullshit to me, why are you so driven, are you on drugs ?.

Ponyboy} No I am not on drugs, you need to listen to me .

Dallas} Why, why, why should I listen to you, all I hear is shit, your mouth is a human toilet, yes, yapa yapa yapa yaba yaba, just shut up .

{Dally’s read}

” This is some new experience of my life, I have been told by my close friends and my stupid boss, I am the sort of the person who follows my own lead, I don’t follow someone else’s road, nah uh, Reggie thinks that he can change me for the better, but no, not happening, I’m born free ” .

Reggie} Look, do you even know what cooking is ?.

Dally} Yes I know what it is, it turns you into an epic shit, there’s no way I’m participating in that .

Reggie} Why do you hate cooking so much, I bet you never tried cooking before, you’re just exaggerating .

Dally} Oh yeah, I don’t cook, hah hah hah, you kidding me, I can’t cook, I just go outside and buy a hamburger every day .

{Ponyboy starts slow clapping and stands up} ” Wooo, yes yes, bruv, what a great example, bravo, oh my god ” .

Reggie} You don’t even cook, do you ?.

Dally} No I don’t, I can’t cook shit, if you give a box of eggs, I’d have no idea what to do with them .

Reggie} Dally, Dally, why are you doing this to yourself ?.

Dallas} Don’t ask me that question again .

Reggie} Have you ever tried cooking something before ?.

Dallas} Uh yes, I have once, I can tell you this story but it can turn your life upside down, so make sure to put a bucket on your head before listening, because it’s gonna do some serious damage .

Reggie} No, I’m not putting a bucket on my head, just tell about your first encounter with a stove .

Dallas} Ok so, once I put an Egg in a microwave, ok, and then I put it on for 30 seconds in heat .

Reggie} Right, and then what happened ?.

Dallas} And then the microwave blew up and the egg grew large in size and it didn’t fit in my microwave, I had to roll it down the stairs, my friend had to get involved .

Steve} Bahahahahaha oh my god, you look like you have been through a lot, are you alright ?.

Dallas} I don’t know, am I ?.

Reggie} You know what, I think that we should get going, we are wasting time .

Johnny} Anyway, what are we gonna make, Reg ?.

Reggie} We are gonna make .

Dally} Botcholism, we are gonna be making botchalism .

Reggie} Dallas ?, what gives ?.

Dally} Sorry man, it is true, cause chefs make botchalism, they don’t make food, we are gonna be making botchalism today, alright guys, brace yourselves and prepare to face the dread .

Reggie} No we are not, what is it with you and this botcholism thing ?, honestly .

Dally} Look Reggie, the only thing that we are gonna be making is botchalism .

Ponyboy} Oh for crying out loud, Reggie, can you just tell us the truth, we’re not gonna get anything .

Reggie} Ok ok, we are gonna be making chocolate cake .

Steve} Oooohhh, I love a good chocolate cake .

Two Bit} Yeah I love chocolate cake as well, I could eat two of them at once, if I do a movie marathon, that is .

Dallas} Wow, you must have type two diabetes .

Two Bit} Oh shut up, it’s my body, my rules .

Reggie} So yeah, we’re gonna make chocolate cake, that’s gonna be good .

Johnny} Yessss, free cake, free cake . { He says as he gets up, jumping up and down} ” Yeahhhhhh ” .

Dally} Oh my god, this is gonna be fun, why you gotta be so boring ?.

Reggie} Well sometimes, it’s good to be simple, at least you know what to expect, life’s too short for something too strange and new .

Dally} Oh my god, do you know who you sound like ?, you sound like one of those priests in a church .

Steve} Oh my god, that is so true, that’s exactly what he sounds like, you hit the nail on the head .

Johnny} That is so accurate .

Dally} Yeah, you are the sort of person who orders someone to live their life to the fullest, when you can’t even live your own .

Reggie} That is so not true, I live my life, I live my life more than you, that’s for sure .

Dally} Oh really, so why are you working in this office then ?, you really think that living your life is talking shit and acting like a complete turd in an office, where are you ?.

Reggie} This is my job, well it may not be my dream job but it’s what I have, helping people is my job, cause that’s who I am, I’m a youth worker, tI help people, that’s what I do .

Johnny} Guys, can we just shut up and get a move on, I’m getting a head ache .

Reggie} Johnny, can I get you an aspring ?.

Johnny} No I’m alright, Reg, thanks for asking though .

Reggie} Ok guys, we should go into the kitchen and start the cooking session .

Dally} Oh here we go again, same old shit, nothing new, nothing different, same old shit, same old fucking shit . { Then he gets up and walks out with everyone else}

{A few minutes later, everyone is standing in the kitchen}

Ponyboy} Oh yeahhhhhh Reggie, teach us how to use a food mixer, man .

Dally} Por, it stinks in here, when was the last time you cleaned the floor ?.

Reggie} It’s none of your business, Dallas, don’t try and change the subject .

Dally} Oh wow ok, man in the suit got a problem .

Reggie} Excuse me ?.

Dally} Never mind .

Ponyboy} Hey guys, did you see this bowl, it’s mad .

Dally} Pony, please, don’t do this to yourself .

Ponyboy} Ok boomer .

Johnny} Reggie, you said that we were gonna do some cooking, where are the supplies ?.

Reggie} Oh they are right in front of you, if you open your eyes and go to the eye doctor, then maybe you’ll see it, is you blind ?.

Johnny} Nah, you are more insulting then I thought, but if that’s your persona, then that’s fine, carry on .

Steve} Do you know what, what’s the point of baking a cake when you can buy it ready made at Cosco .

Reggie} Then what’s the point of cooking then, it’s going be boring .

Dally} Well alright then, Reggie, you brang us here to do some cooking, what are you waiting for ?, you biggo ?.

Reggie} Ok then, I’ll see if you know what a spoon is, if you get your brain to process everything like a dry sponge, which it can’t cause your brain is like shit rotting in a forest .

Dally} Oh alright then, here look, spoon, spoon, see look, you put it in your hand and you will soon have a weapon to beat the shit out of someone with . { Then he picks up the spoon and waves it in front of Reggie’s face} ” Vargooooo ” .

Reggie} Owwwww, back off, you donkey, get off .

{Then Johnny, Steve and Ponyboy are laughing their heads off whilst Reggie and Dallas are having a fight}

Ponyboy} Sweep the leg .

Two Bit} Kick him in the groin, Dal .

Johnny} Let’s get ready to rumble .

Steve} Oh god, this is sick .

{Ponyboy’s read}

” Um ok, I don’t quite know on what happened there, we are having some technical difficulties, oh my gosh, now, they are punching each other, now Reggie is waving his hands around and oh great,  now Dally is doing the crane kick, yeah, I thought so ” .

{Then he just runs out of the building}

Ponyboy} Oh my giddiyant, ok I’m getting out of this place, it’s getting worse by the day, ok guys, you can turn the cameras off now, see you guys tomorrow .

Update on the Reggie and Dally’s fight .

Reggie finally stopped waving his hands around . Dally realized that the crane kick wasn’t working and he sprained his ankle, instead of a cake, they both got black eyes . Ponyboy, Johnny, Two Bit and Steve got it on film, the video got a hundred likes, but Reggie found out and forced the boys to delete it, let’s just say, it didn’t end well, for their punishment, Reggie forced them to eat raw mushrooms, they now have botchalism .

End of mocumentary script .