Hayley’s Demented Hand Written Complaints To The Hackney Council

Hayley’s Hackney Council complaints

{Warning, some of these may contain strong language and adult humor}

Hayley

Hi there, this is Hayley speaking. Chances are, you might not know me, but you should bloody know me, we spoke last week. I’m informing you on this issue. We have these bloody neighbors, they stink, they’re ungrateful, I don’t want them anywhere near my house. I think they bring bad omens. Please do something about it, it’s driving me up the wall.

The council’s response

Hi there, I’m very sorry to say but I’m afraid, we can’t do anything about it, I’m afraid we only deal with emergencies and this is not an emergency.

Hayley’s response

Oh piss off, not an emergency?. Can I tell you what is an emergency?, your life. Your life is a bloody emergency. When disaster strikes, I’m not going to call an ambulance, I’m going to call the bloody police instead. It’s a problem no doctor can solve, oh no, they’re going to want the heck out of there.

Some more of her complaints

. Hi there, I can’t get out of my house, bloody Daisy has done a fucking huge shite outside my doorstep, who the hell put that there?.

. I’m going to lose my mind in a minute. Daisy’s left her dust bin outside my house and now it’s jamming the door, she better watch out otherwise she’s gonna be the one who’s in there, fucking daft cow.

. These bloody neighbours, man they stink. Please get them evicted. I’m thinking of getting married and having kids soon and I don’t want fucking Jack hiding in the bushes .

. I’ve kept in touch with The Hackney Council for months and months now and there’s been fuck all, where is everybody. They’re too busy with their heads up their asses and they’re bloody witches fingers. If no one gets on the phone now, I’m gonna make sure I make my way down there and I’m going to smear shite all over the walls and I’m gonna make a complaint, followed by another complaint saying that they need to clean it before mould starts appearing on the walls, those cunts !!!! .