Hackney Diaries # Hayley And the Journalist

Hayley] Hi Joe, Can I tell you something ?

Joe] Yeah, sure.

Hayley] I have an interview at the BBC today.

Joe] Really, What time do you have to be there by ?

Hayley] Probably about 3 oclock.

Joe] cool

Hayley] Do you think you can give me a lift, if that is ok with you ?

Joe] yeah, that is fine.

Hayley] Great.

A few minutes later at the studio.

Journalist] Hey, are you Hayley ?

Hayley} yes I am , hello, can we please cut to the chase, I haven’t got all day ?.

Journalist} Ok, Fiesty, anyway, what do you think of brexit ?

Hayley] What the hell is Brexit? How dare you ?

Journalist} What , is there anything wrong ?

Hayley] Hah, is there anything wrong ? yeah it is your voice, it is making me feel motion sick.

Journalist] Okey Dokey.

Hayley] What the hell is that ?

Journalist] What is what ? oh this,.

Hayley] yeah, it looks like a toilet plunger, don’t put it near your mouth, at least have some sense about hygiene .

Journalist} No sorry, this is a microphone, do I look like I work in a plumming indistury ?.

Hayley} Yeah, you do a bit, it is funny.

Journalist] Ok, I need to put this interview to a close, I just got a phone call.

Hayley} Oh really ? I didn’t hear the phone ring .

Journalist} Yeah, it is just on vibrate.

} Leaves room.]

Hayley} What a git ? This interview isn’t over yet .

] Meanwhile, when the journalist is in a phone box]

Journalist} Come on, Come on, Come on, pick up the phone.

Agent] Hello, what do you want ?.

Journalist} Hey, this is a member of your staff, something isn’t going well.

Agent} Oh really ? , ok let me just get my popcorn, start the story.

Journalist} Oh come on man, stop being a piece of crap and help me out for once.

Agent} ok , ok, geez , what is wrong ?.

Journalist} Ok, I think some woman is after me.

Agent} ohh a girlfriend ayy ? never knew you were the type to find a match.

Journalist} Come on man, it is not a joke, it is creeping me out.

Agent} Well, what does she look like ?.

Journalist} Well I don’t know how to put it into words but I think she has Brown and curly hair, brown eyes, I think that is it.

Agent} Wow, so we are going into detail now, aren’t we ?.

Journalist} What ? but you just asked me.

Agent}  I know but like that ?.

Journalist} I know but.

Agent} Well, what is she doing ?

Journalist] well, she is outside hugging a tree.

Agent} Ha Ha ha, so funny you are.

Journalist} No, I am being serious, if you don’t believe me, come and see for yourself.

Agent} No way, I am not going there.

Journalist} ok, I need to go and get some fresh air, feeling a bit queasy.

Meanwhile, the journalist is outside going for a walk.

]Phone rings]

Journalist} What is this now ? Hello.

[Hayley’s voicemail]

Hello, Whoever this is, Who do you think you are , asking me about Brexit, If I see you I am gonna throttle the living hell out of you, I am coming for you, watch out.

Journalist} Crap, ok well now what do I do, If she finds me I am stuffed.

[Hayley Laughing on the phone in the phone box } Hahaha.

[Meanwhile, Joe is at home.]

Joe] Where the hell is Hayley? it is now 5 oclock , probably at a cafe or something, I better phone her up and see.

Joe] Dials numbers] Hello.

Hayley] Hello, is this Joe ?

Joe] Yeah, what the heck are you doing at this time ?.

Hayley] I am out on a walk.

Joe} Liar, where actually are you ? How did the interview go ?.

Hayley] Yeah it actually went good[ Makes funny face as she lies].

Joe] Why , what did you do ?.

Hayley] Ok, I locked the journalist in the public toilets, but it is ok now.

Joe] I told you to never do that.

Hayley} What else am I supposed to, the guy almost knocked me with his toilet plunger, or microphone, I get the two mixed up, It was in self defense so it was fine.

Joe] I don’t know, anyway see ya.

[Next morning]

The news] The headlines for 2 oclock, Mad women threatens and locks BBC journalist in public toilets after being on the run, but the suspect is unknown.

Joe] Oh crap, Hayley, look at this.

Hayley} omg, Oh no.

Joe] Stares at each other in a suspicious way}

End of script.