The Disastrous Detectives Script, The Dog

David} Hey Craig, come and check out my new music video .

Craig} You made a music video ?.

David} Yeah, has to be the sickest one , yet .

{ Craig watches the video}

David} What do you think , pretty cool, huh ?.

Craig} Interesting, you chasing the chickens and pigeons .

David} Yeah, it’s the new trendy theme .

{Craig looks at David}

David} What ?, I was sick of the idea of me vibing with the special effects .

Craig} I guess that’s cool .

David} Damn right . { Spots a dog outside}

David} Oh look, there’s a dog .

Craig} A what ?.

{ Brings it inside}

David} Ladies and gentlemen , we have a dog .

Craig} What the hell ?.

David} I love it , man, you know what, I’m gonna call it Wolfie .

Craig} Wolfie ?, is that even a real name .

David} You better believe it .

Craig} Why are you calling it Wolfie, when we can call it John ?.

David} Nah, John’s too normal, you need something with more of a kick , Wolfie’s good .

Craig} Ok, who do you think this dog belongs to ?.

David} I don’t know, I hope it belongs to nobody, so I could steal it .

Craig} Yeah, do you think Collin will approve ?.

David} Yeah, I think he’ll love it .

{ They talk to Collin about it}

Collin} No way, we can’t have a dog here, running all over the place .

David} Maybe it can help us with the detecting .

Craig} Yeah, like a helping hand .

Collin} No, dogs can’t help you with detecting , they’ll do nothing but run and piss all over you .

David} Yeah but, that can work .

Craig} Yeah, the dog can piss and mark a territory , and catch the criminal , yeah, it could work .

Collin} You guys talk so much shit, we are not keeping a dog  here, that is that , ok, get back to work .

Craig} Wait, what are we doing for work ?, ah, he’s gone , never knew that body language can hurt .

David} Well , at least we have the dog , today is  our free day , what do you want to do ?.

Craig} Woah, he never told us anything about a free day .

David} Well, he’s not here, so, it doesn’t matter, we can do whatever we want , so what do you want to do ?.

Craig} I don’t know , what do you want to do ?.

David} I’m gonna take Wolfie to the park, let it have a little run about , what do you think ?.

Craig} Yeah, I think that’ll be fine , oh shit, Collin’s coming .

David} Ok, pretend that  nothing happened .

Collin} Is everything ok in here ?.

David} Yeah, we are planning to go to the park .

Collin} Oh no you are not, you are not going anywhere , you need to stay here and work .

David} Yeah, but today’s our free day , we are supposed to take time off .

Collin} Who told you that you can have a free day ?.

David} What ?, nobody gave us a free day ?.

Collin} No, nobody, so don’t make the shit up , I’ll be watching you guys .

David} Oh crap, he’s watching us , that’s terrifying .

Craig} I can’t believe we have to work , today .

David} What do we have to do for work ?.

Collin} You need to reply to a bunch of reviews and messages on the system .

David} aw, this’ll be fun .

Craig} Yeah, can’t wait .

Collin} You need to do this in a serious manner, don’t muck this up .

David} Nice word of advice .

Craig} Ok we got this covered, you can leave us now .

David} Ok, let’s see what this thing can do .

{David starts reading  on the computer}

David} So the first one says, Your employees are useless and they are a bunch of slackers and this department deserves a 1 star review .

Craig} Who ever this person is talking to , they are harsh .

David} You do realize that they are talking about us ?.

Craig} Oh I see, damn it .

David} That is mean, we sweat our asses off by coming to work here , really early in the morning , pathetic .

Craig} Yeah, I’m gonna reply to this one , { Starts typing back}

Craig} You better watch your mouth, you don’t know who you are talking to, Collin’s got num chucks in his tools room, he’s preparing to knock your tooth out , so you know what, bye bye .

David} That was good , ok, I’m gonna do one , so this one says , { Starts reading comment }

David} Your advert was absolutely shite , you guys must be the worst detectives in the world , piss off .

Craig} What an idiot .

David} Yeah, I’m replying to it { Starts typing}

David} me piss off ?, how about, you piss off .

Craig} Ok, there’s another one , { Starts reading}

Craig} This one’s for you, David .

David} Ok, what’s it gonna be ?.

Craig} Your shoes look like spats and wizard shoes .

David} You know what, give me the keyboard , { Starts typing}

David} How dare you say that I have wizard shoes and spats ?, your ones probably go across the door .

Craig} Ok, there’s another one { Starts reading it}

Craig} Your training video is crap , where’s the substance ?, learnt nothing out of it .

David} How dare he say that .

Craig } I’m gonna answer back .

{Craig starts typing }

Craig} No substance, our training video was good, you are lucky I didn’t hunt you down and kidnap you in my wan { Pronounces it as wan but it is van} .

David} This is great , ok, I’m stepping forward .

{David starts reading}

David} Your boss must be a pain in the ass .

Craig} Finally, somebody can relate to us .

David} Oh wait a sec { Starts typing }

David} Yes, he may be a pain in the ass, but maybe you are pain in the ass too .

Craig} Damn right .

{Collin enters the room}

Collin} How are you guys getting on ?.

David} It is going great .

Craig} People are sending us stupid reviews .

David} Yeah, mainly idiots .

Collin} Yeah, there are so many comments , this is unacceptable , { Collin starts packing his stuff}, Come with me .

David} Where are you going ?.

Craig} Yeah, it’s to early for home time .

Collin} I’m not going home .

David} Then, what are you doing ?.

Collin} We are gonna hunt down the person who sent us these messages .

David} But, there are more then one person who sent these .

Collin} Yeah but there’s one that hurts us a lot , I’m gonna nip that in the bud .

David} How are we gonna hunt him down ?.

Collin} We are going down there, by van .

David} Ok .

Collin} Well, we might as well get going .

David} Cool .

{ They got in the van and got out}

Collin} I think it’s the next house down .

David} Ok .

Craig} I also brang the num chucks .

Collin} Cool, they’ll come in handy .

{ They knocked on the door}

Person} Hello , can I help you with something ?.

Collin} Yes, are you the one who’s sending these reviews ?.

Person} Yeah, what are you gonna do about it ?.

{Collin pulls out num chucks and walks closer to him}

Person} Woah easy, It’s not worth the effort .

Collin} Maybe it is, and you are gonna get it . { Attacks him with it}

Person} Ok sorry, I’ll take it off , { Walks over to the computer}

then he realizes that David and Craig sent a reply }

Person} Oh shit, you replied to me, you got me good ., ok , now get out of my house .

Collin} Ok very well, don’t send anymore reviews, otherwise, we’ll be back .

Person} Ok you can’t tell me what to do , only I’m in charge of me , and I’m not scared of you guys .

Collin} Ok, { unleashes the dog}

David} What , you brang the dog ?.

Collin} Well, someone has to .

{The dog chases the guy}

Collin} Mission accomplished , let’s go .

David} That was sick .

Collin} Hey, I have to tell you something .

David} What is it ?.

Collin} You know who really sent those reviews, it was me .

David} Wait, so it wasn’t that guy ?.

Collin} Yeah, it wasn’t .

David} Oh no .

{ They run in panic}

End of script