A Monologue About An Aspiring Actress Who Has Lost Her Mind

Hi guys, hope you’re all doing well, welcome back to Big Blog Theory. It’s been a while since I’ve been posting on my blog. I’ve been recovering from a cold so I haven’t been able to upload any of my scripts, but I’m here now and that’s all what matters. So for today, I’ve got something very special in store for you guys. I’ve been working on a monologue for these past few weeks. It’s about an aspiring actress who has lost her mind. I think it’s a really interesting one because the girl who is an aspiring actress is working as a waitress in a coctail bar in Soho, this story takes place in 1983. I think you just go on a journey with Victoria and you try to understand where she’s coming from. I think you’ll really love this. Enjoy

{ Warning, this monologue contains strong language and adult humor}

The monologue

Victoria}

The time is 7. 30, Regent Street, Soho, London, 1983, Monday. The day I was supposed to make it as an actress, I thought my time has come. All the days of me hollering around, doing shitty 9 to 5 jobs as a waitress in a coctail bar were over, or so I thought . Turns out, it was far from that, I don’t even know what it was.

It’s been weeks, months, years now and I’m still not being offered a proper acting job. They go after all those other girls and when I come along, they all just turn a blind eye. They treat me like I’m scum of the earth. I’ve got a mate called Sarah, she’s been offered a role at the local theatre, she’s in bloody Caberet. All that, all this smothering, all this attention, her being special and I’m here cleaning the bloody tank !!!!.

” Ooh you’re so amazing, Sarah, you’re so talented, you’re so stunning, look at you in your pink sparkly dress and your pink stillettos, waltzing on that bloody stairway !!!. ” Love you, I really bloody love you ”.

{ She calms down a bit}

I’m not jealous, I’m happy for her, I just hate myself, that’s all. It’s not my fault I don’t get scouted by indestury professionals. What does she have that I don’t?. Is it because of my facial expressions ?. I don’t even know why I’m comparing myself to her, she can’t make a facial expression to save her life. I’m sorry but whenever she tries to turn on the waterworks, she looks like she’s constipated. Try making that face during a tragic death scene, it would be an absolute nightmare . The character who’s dying has to evaluate a massive waf of shit.

I do believe in myself, oh yes I do. I don’t want you to think that I’m a skiver, I’m not what you think I am. I do believe in myself but the shit hit the fan. The fish is in the net, there’s no point in me chucking worms at it because what’s the bloody point?.  I’m probably gonna be known for cleaning the shitters and cleaning tables for the rest of my life. My mum didn’t put me through a traumatic birth for this shit. I could have been something special, I could have been a star, I could have been on that big stage playing Al Pachino’s wife, god dammit. I could have been rubbing necks with the entertainment indestury execatives. Now what am I ?, a bloody toilet cleaner. I can’t bloody believe it. I’m going face to face with Sarah tomorrow evening and I can’t bare it. She’s done so well, more then I have done in the past three years. She’s played the lead role in Caberet, she was nominated for an award. To look at what she’s acheived in those following years and then switch it around and look at me, it’s a fucking down grade. There’s no competion here, for what it’s worth, I’m really happy for her, I’m happy for all my co workers, they’ve been working so hard all week, they deserve whatever they get.  I have to run the extra bloody mile for recognisition, they don’t even know I exist. They just see me as this throw away waitress who works in a bloody coctail bar and then they chew me up and they spit me out when I’m not prophetable anymore, which is soon because I just realised I can’t even polish a wine glass properly. I’ve become so fustrated about my life that I’ve completely outstayed my welcome, everything that made me great in the first place has just washed away. I’m not going to be a waitress for the rest of my life, I’ve got something far more interesting in store for me.

Listen right?. If someone can’t promote me then I’ll have to promote myself, whatever the fuck that means. I don’t know, I think I’ll sing and dance around the Foyer, they’ll think that I’m mad but if that’s what it takes. Anything to get me out there. Whether that’s putting up posters on local lamposts or whether it’s dancing in the street or shouting at cars like a mad Glenn Close impersination. I highly doubt that I’ll get noticed that way, instead of a stairway to stardom, I’ll probably get a bloody stairway to an asylum. Wow, you see this dedication going on here, bloody hell. I don’t even know what I’m in for. Instead of a job in showbiz and entertainment, I could get a bleeding job in the hospital, and no I’m not talking about medical expertees, I’m talking about cleaning up all the left over shit from all the patients who are staying there overnight . ” Ooh showbiz, dancy dancy, jazz hands, a bottle of fizz, champagne !!!! ”, and what do I get ? Bloody shit !!! .

I’m starting to question myself now. I’m beginning to wonder whether this is the life for me. God, I love the lifestyle, I love the A lister parties, I love the hoo ha of it all, but I don’t think I’m ever gonna have that. If I can’t get a small role in a critically acclaimed, independent play then is there really any hope for me at all?. What am I doing wrong? why am I not getting any parts?. I feel like all those years that I’ve put in, all that effort, all those auditions, all my hopes and dreams, all those long and winding roads, all those years at drama school, for this?. I suppose I just need luck, because that’s all you need these days, isn’t it? luck. Luck luck luck luck, you just need an insane dose of luck. Hard work and talent just doesn’t cut it and I know that for a fact because even though I’ve been working my arse off for five years or so and I’ve gotten nowhere. Still stuck in this shit hole, polishing the glasses, well ok, it’s not all bad, I’ve got some good friends here and the lights are pretty but apart from that, I hate it here. I’m out here, polishing glasses, unblocking toilets all the while all my friends are walking past me, with big grins on their faces, having a good feeling about things because they’ve got something to look forward to. They have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I don’t have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, I just get up because I have to. Every morning, I think about nothing but what wine glass I need to clean or what toilet I need to unblock. I’m so bloody sick of it!!!. I want what these people have, that way, I’ll never bored of living. I want the adrenaline, I want the energy, not this fucking dross.

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the years is that you just can’t compare yourself to others. I compare myself to my friends because they’re so ahead of me, I’m just scared that they’ll leave me behind. Now, looking back, that’s a bit of an underestimation. You may have heard of a so called Sarah, she’s a friend of mine, I mention her a lot. On some occasions, I have been jealous of her. I feel a bit silly saying this now but I just wanna get this off my chest. Truth is, she’s not doing well at the moment. She’s just been dropped from a production of Xanadu because she was caught trying to fuck a Greek god. She’s no longer in the production, Olivia Newton John got the role in the end. I feel really sorry for her, it’s only sex, it’s nothing what we haven’t seen before. I didn’t even know she was struggling at the time. When I went to go and see her at her flat in Sheperds Bush. She was lying in bed, crying, drenched in her own tears, watching Man About The House. I asked her what was wrong, she said ” I was supposed to be in that, I was supposed to be standing alongside Richard O Sullivan, not Paula fucking Wilcox. I mean, you know, I do love Paula Wilcox, but it should have been my friend up there, you know what I mean?. She just sat there, jabbing her fingers at the TV screen, and I was like ” Come on, Sarah, stop doing that, you’re gonna drive yourself mad ”. I don’t know what to do. They told her that her breasts were too big, well you can’t please everyone. She now has a job in Catering and she loves it, good for her. I have yet to improve my life, baby steps, baby steps.

Now, let’s get real here, none of this filler shit, straight to the point. What are the chances of me becoming a star? probably never. Some things are just not meant to be. Throughout my whole life, I’ve been taught that everything happens for a reason but I just never really grasped that idea properly, I just think it’s a lot of old rubbish really. If a bad thing happens to me, so like say for an example, so like say that I get killed in a car accident or if I get roughed up by a bloody cat, does that mean it’s supposed to happen? bloody hell, it never thought about that, actually . I knew I should have listened to my mum and dad more when I was younger, these lessons could have been useful, oh well.

Most people have told me that I would never make it, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. I’m not gonna give up on my dreams just because some John told me so. Look around, things are happening, my friends. Drive, ambition, look around, this is why we’re alive. When someone says no, I’ll give it a million reasons to say yes because I can.

I was stuck in the dark my whole life, but one day, I saw the light, oh Jesus, the light and it was bright, it was so bright that it almost blinded me. And through that light, I heard a little voice, it said ” Hey, you’re doing great, you’re doing great, just keep going, don’t give up now, everything’s gonna be alright ”. I listened to that voice. At first I thought ” Fuck off, you weirdo, go home ” but I listened. That night, my life changed forever. I began getting auditions and not only that but I was smashing it. I’ve never felt this way before, I was on a roll. From that day on, I was starring in productions, I was getting invited to A lister parties, it felt good, it almost felt like I wasn’t the same person. Younger me would be laughing at this. She would probably be cleaning tables and snapping at other waiters over equal pay. If only she could see me now, I know she’d be proud. She’ll probably insult me on my acting choices. She’d probably go ” What, a role in Coronation Street ? oh come on, Vic, you can do better then that ”. Coronation Street is the least normal part I can get. At least I’m playing an actual human being, all my other roles, I’ve been playing bloody chairs and ceiling fans. If I get this, I can properly step foot into the acting world. I’m no longer a bloody object, I can now play proper in depth characters that have a significance in this world. All the characters I’ve played are so two demensional, you know full well they’re not like that in real life. I keep doing this to myself, I know I shouldn’t. I get my hopes up only for my dreams to get crushed again. I didn’t know the indestury was gonna be like this, why didn’t anyone consult me?.

It doesn’t hurt to be polite. You could have informed me before going into this bloody profession, Jesus Christ, A little common Knowlege, please?. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. If you’re saying that the validation must come from within, you’re gonna end up with a bloody pink shoe through your window. Getting it from myself doesn’t do shit. I would have to confide in someone, give me the indication that everything would be alright. I wish my mum was still here, there wouldn’t be two ways about it. I am so passionate about this job, if I don’t go solo then I might as well kill myself because acting is the only thing I’m good at, I’m rubbish at everything else, acting is the only thing I want to do. So what am I gonna do, I’m gonna take the plunge, I’m gonna put on a brave face, I’m gonna go out there and I’m gonna show them what I’m all about . It’s time I finally made a big name for myself. Whether they’re gonna be open minded about my debut as an actress because they’re used to seeing me as a waitress who has no potential, no purpose. It’s like ” You’re a waitress and you’ll never be anything but a waitress ”. Well, I’m sorry, the fuck, sorry I was born. I didn’t come into this world to clean toilets and to be a fucking cleaning machine.

I’m meant to be on that stage, baby !. Convincing the audience that I’m the real deal and I’m gonna be doing my first encore with sheer emotion and they’re gonna be down there with bloody stars in their eyes, going ” Yeah, she’s the one, she’s the one ”. And if that doesn’t happen and instead, I end up with four polite fuck yous and fuck offs and some humiliation on the night then I’m just gonna stand there and take it cos that’s the least I deserve.  I’m not Joan Collins, I’m never gonna be Joan Collins and that’s okay. There’s always gonna be someone who’s more beautiful, intelligant, funnier than me, I’m not in competition with the world, I’m not in competition with anyone, I’ve been doing that my whole life and honestly, it’s done Jack shit for me. How am I gonna have a journey of my own if I can’t even focus on myself. I’m gonna be Victoria Stevens, well, my stage name is Tallulah North West, Victoria Stevens is a shite name.

To those of you who have failed me in the past, to those of you who have told me that I couldn’t do this, fuck you, you don’t know how far I’ve come. Look at me, I’m on top of the world !. I’m on top of the bloody mountain and where are you ? you’re trapped on the floor, you bastard. If I ever win a bafta, the only person I’ll be thanking is myself. Those people have no consideration, no consideration!. Well, I’m off now, I don’t have time to endure your self indulgent horse shit, I’m gonna be in Soho, singing along to the lyrics of Bugsy Malone but anyway, bless you, I hope life treats you well. If you’re looking for Victoria Stevens, she’s not here anymore, love, it’s Tallulah North west and she’s back, baby !.  BBC, please keep hiring me. Jealous people, cheer up, you’re dragging the place down !!!. Thank you.

End of monologue}

Okay, so that’s the monologue I’ve been meaning to share with you. I think it was quite an interesting thing to write about. We follow Victoria on a very special journey. A journey of self discovery and believing herself to get to where she needs to be. She has these incredible goals and dreams to be a big break out theatre actress but she’s wasting her life, working as a waitress in a coctail bar, in a dead end job she hates and it’s just making her miserable. I think it was a fun monologue to write, I hope you all liked it. It’s good to be back, working on certain projects since I haven’t been doing this for a while. A few weeks ago, we had this big event at The Hackney Empire where we got to see our plays come to life with real actors, so that was really amazing. It was literally the best night of my life. I will be sure to give an update on that big night of mine. Tomorrow, is another big day because I’m going back to The Hackney Empire for another work session. They’re doing this poetry writing session so I’m really excited for that. Poetry is something I really love doing, I’ve been talking about this for quite a while now. It’s not a weekly session, it’s just for one day. I don’t really know what it’s going to be like but I’m going to give it a go, see if I like it, yeah, I think it’ll be really fun. Okay, I’m going to head off now, I’m going to watch an episode of Broadchurch, The Escape Artist, Inside no 9, You Me And The Apocolypse and Ellie and Natasia and I’m going to bloody devour them because they are my favourite shows at the moment. I’m also going to watch hundreds and hundreds of videos including Michael Sheen and David Tennant because I have no idea what my life has come to, haha.So thank you so so much for reading my monolgue, I hope you have a lovely day, love you guys. More Work To Come On Big Blog Theory.